Pushed too far?
by jennyk05
Summary: A Ronnie and Danielle Fan Fiction. What happens when the fear and sorrow is just too much to forget?
1. Chapter 1

_**This is a sequel to my fic 'Will they have their happy ever after?' For anyone that hasn't read it basically Danielle and Ronnie were eventually reunited and Archie died in prison. But then a fire raged through R&R killing Stacey and leaving Danielle devastated. We then got introduced to James, Danielle's handsome yet mysterious boyfriend who had a very dark secret. It turned out this his father knew Archie in prison and before he died Archie paid him off and asked him to do 'a job' and James was involved in some way in the plan all along. James' father, James Snr then kidnapped Danielle and Roxy but Ronnie managed to reach them in time in Weymouth and James Snr was shot and killed by James. James was arrested and taken away and Danielle, Roxy and Ronnie headed back to Walford reunited (Oh I nearly forgot – Ronnie got back together with Jack before the fire but then he kissed Roxy so that all went wrong. Ronnie is still very bitter towards Jack but the latest tragedy has seemed to reunite Ronnie and Roxy). So the sequel is set a few weeks after Ronnie, Roxy and Danielle have returned to Walford, they are reunited but the tragic events of the last year may not be too easy to forget for anyone involved......**_

The day had seemed so long to Danielle, the hours slowly ticked away as she stared aimlessly at the glass clock perched on the wall. She could hear gentle voices bubbling away in the bedroom, their laughter and friendly conversation offering little interest to Danielle. She had been sat in the same position on the sofa for nearly an hour, her legs crossed tightly with her head resting against the back of the sofa.

Though she knew she had to move, she had to go get ready she still resisted as her lack of enthusiasm left her sitting alone on the sofa, once again trapped by her own thoughts. She had always hated how her mind raced, pulling her in and not letting her go. Ever since she was a child Danielle could remember her mind was never settled, every night she would go to bed with a million questions and worries still raging away. It had been the same since she moved to Walford; whether it was about Ronnie, Stacey or that night in Weymouth, Danielle just couldn't seem to switch her thoughts off.

"Danielle, get in here" A voice called from the bedroom, its sharp tone managing to snap Danielle out of her thoughts. She sighed, dropping her shoulders down as she grudgingly made her way into the bedroom, making no effort to quicken her pace as she heard the voices grow louder.

"What do you think?" Roxy asked as Danielle leaned against the doorframe. Danielle looked on as Roxy struggled to fit her legs into a pair of skin tight leather trousers. Roxy rolled around wildly on the bed, cursing as she finally managed to pull the trousers up to her waist. "So?" She asked again, standing up to face Danielle as she brushed her hair behind her ears.

"Yeah great" Danielle replied, her voice markedly distant. Roxy choose to ignore the lack of enthusiasm in Danielle's voice, choosing to instead stand in front of the mirror, running her hands through her blonde locks in an attempt to calm them.

But Danielle's behaviour didn't gone unnoticed by Ronnie as she gazed at her daughter slumped against the door frame. "You alright?" Ronnie asked gently, hobbling over to Danielle in her high heels and resting a hand against her shoulder.

"Yeah fine. Look mum, about tonight...." Danielle started to mutter, quietening her tone so Roxy couldn't hear. Though Danielle was sure that Roxy was unlikely to hear even if she shouted, she was so was too engrossed in her reflection as she debated how low she should wear her top, pulling the plunging neck line up and down as she stared at her reflection.

"Dan, this is yours" Roxy interrupted as she heard Danielle and Ronnie start up a conversation. Danielle bent down to pick up the pile of clothes that had just been flung across the room. Danielle was suitably unimpressed by the small amounts of cloth that lay before her, compromising of a blue skirt and white low cut top. "Do I have to wear this?" Danielle moaned, looking to her mother pleadingly as she heard Roxy mutter "yes" as she applied eyeliner.

Before Ronnie had a chance to speak Roxy continued. "C'mon Dan it will be fun. Take your mind off things. Its going to be a fun fancy dress party and I think Charlie's Angels is a good theme, we will all look fab!" Roxy beamed as she turned round to look at Danielle and Ronnie. Danielle was slightly taken aback by the image of Roxy standing before her. Danielle wanted to make a snide remark about her aunt's outfit but nerves overcame her. Thankfully Ronnie soon burst into laughter, leaning against Danielle as she struggled to compose herself.

"Oi" Roxy roared as Ronnie continued to laugh uncontrollably. The sight of her mother in such hysterics brought a cheeky smile to Danielle's face. "Have you had a look in the mirror then?" Roxy asked sarcastically, staring at Ronnie up and down jokingly. "Hey, I think I look rather good" Ronnie said, pouting her mouth and striking a pose as she leant against Danielle still.

Raptures of laughter broke out between all three of them, Danielle managing to relax and feel comfortable for the first time that day. "Your turn now Dan" Roxy stated boldly. As both Ronnie and Roxy turned to look at Danielle she felt her nerves resurface, their inpatient stare making her tense up again. "Can you give me a minute then?" Danielle asked, her eyes twitching between Ronnie, Roxy and the door.

"But....." Roxy began to argue, until Ronnie laid her hands of Roxy's back and pushed her sister out of the room, turning to Danielle and giving her a reassuring smile before she closed the door. Danielle sat on the bed and laid the clothes out next to her. She stared for a moment to look at the pieces of fabric that Roxy had claimed could make up a respectable outfit, as Danielle looked at them she tended to disagree.

As Danielle's eyes diverted away from the clothes her ears alerted her to the fact that the flat had fallen silent, an unlikely occurrence when you lived with a Mitchell. She cautiously stood up and walked to the door, hearing small mischievous whispers often interrupted by a spout of quiet giggling.

Danielle knew that they were only joking but she couldn't help but worry that they were joking about her, even if it was meant in a playful and loving way. "What are you two whispering about then?" Danielle called out, immediately she heard the voices cut off. "Nothing" Roxy bellowed back, before she started giggling again.

"Did we have to go as Charlie's Angels?" Danielle said, hoping to delay the event of actually putting on the costume. "Yes!" Ronnie and Roxy roared back firmly at the same time. "Who else could we have gone as Dan?" Ronnie asked.

"Well, I don't know, The Spice Girls" Danielle answered randomly, unsure about how she came to such a suggestion. "Sweetie, there were five in the Spice Girls. There are only three of us!" Ronnie said her tone both sarcastic and slightly patronising.

"Well we could have asked Peggy and....." Danielle's voice trailed off for only a second, her lips wanting to desperately utter the words Stacey. But Danielle managed to stop herself. "....and Mo!" Danielle finished, this time hearing both Ronnie and Roxy collapsing with laughter; even a small smile spread across Danielle's face as she started to get changed into her costume.


	2. Chapter 2

Danielle span her body round as she looked in the mirror, checking that she was suitably covered from all possible angles. She took a moment to look at herself head to toe, unimpressed by the reflection. Her lack of enthusiasm for going out and now for the outfit had only served to worsen Danielle's mood.

"You ready sweetie?" Ronnie called out; not waiting for a response as she gently pushed open the bedroom door. "You look stunning" Ronnie beamed as she admired her daughter. "I look ridiculous!" Danielle replied firmly, turning to have another quick glance in the mirror.

"No you don't, listen to your mother! You look amazing" Roxy chipped in as she appeared at the doorway. She pushed past her sister and bent down in front of Danielle, placing her hands on the bottom of Danielle's skirt and shuffling it up further up her thighs. "Much better" Roxy said jokingly as she too stood to admire Danielle.

"Rox!" Ronnie cried as her sister rearranged Danielle's outfit. "She is not you, you know. And I don't want any drunken idiots getting the wrong idea about my little girl" Ronnie said kindly, offering a comforting smile at Danielle as she saw the look of discomfort and increasing anxiety in her eyes.

"She is twenty one, not twelve" Roxy laughed, nudging her sister playfully as she passed her. "C'mon, time to party" Roxy said cheerily as she headed towards the staircase, followed by Ronnie and a slightly apprehensive Danielle. Danielle took a moment to look at her mother and aunt as they stopped side by side at the top of the stairs.

Even though they were both wearing just as ridiculous outfits as her Danielle was bemused as to how they still looked amazing. Whilst Roxy's outfit was over the top, her leather trousers a size to small and top barely covering her flesh, she still looked stunning and Danielle knew she would attract a lot of attention.

Danielle admired her mother's outfit as she stood next to Roxy. Ronnie had her hair curled perfectly, gorgeous jewellery dangling from her wrist and neck, wearing knee high boots, a pencil skirt and retro pink top. Whilst Danielle admired the image, she couldn't help but feel disheartened. She wanted to desperately act and look like Ronnie but even after a year, she still felt like a disappointment.

As Roxy hobbled down the stairs, in heels that could quite easily be deemed a safety risk, Ronnie waited at the top of the stairs. "Sweetie, don't listen to Rox; she is only mucking around. I think you look gorgeous and anytime you want to leave tonight, just let me know" Ronnie whispered to Danielle as her daughter walked towards her. Ronnie leant forward, kissing Danielle gently on her forehead. "I am really proud of you" Ronnie said, as she ran her hand down Danielle's cheek before walking down the stairs.

As Danielle watched her mother walk down the stairs, she felt some of her nerves subside. She waited till both Ronnie and Roxy were out of sight before pulling her skirt back down towards her knees. The simplest words of love and kindness from her mother comforted Danielle and even though she wasn't particularly looking forward to the night out, the fact that Ronnie was with her made the evening a little bit more bearable to Danielle.

The three blondes hobbled down the street, passing strangers unashamedly opened mouthed by their appearance. Whilst Roxy revelled in the attention, offering cheeky winks to a group of lads that drunkenly stumbled past them, Danielle felt increasingly uncomfortable. For the first time today she was desperate to just get inside the club.

As they entered R&R Danielle's eyes travelled round the room, desperately looking out for a familiar face. She noticed Chelsea in the corner, her arms wrapped around Theo and Tanya and Jane huddled together on the dance floor, dancing merrily whilst sipping their cocktails. "Right I am going to check that Jack has this all under control. I will be right back sweetie" Ronnie said, letting her hand slip away from Danielle's arm as she headed for the office. "Roxy, look after her" Ronnie called out as she entered the office, before closing the door.

The sound of her name being called alerted Roxy, who had been paying little attention to either Ronnie or Danielle since they entered the club. "Right, I will be over there talking to that rather gorgeous guy" Roxy said cheekily, a devilish glint in her eye. And in that moment she was gone, headed straight across the dance floor to the handsome stranger.

Danielle sighed as she now stood alone, looking on as the party continued. She looked around at the huddles of recognisable faces. She struggled to muster up the confidence to join them, instead choosing to stay in the same spot, leaning against the wall. Despite the deafening music Danielle's mind started to automatically erupt with thoughts and worries again.

She knew that this party was not a good idea the minute she had been bulldozed into attending by Roxy a few nights ago. The sorrow and pain of events in Weymouth still swirled inside Danielle, each loud bang or raised voice making her jump. And as she looked around the room she felt a sense of loneliness engulf her; ever since Stacey had died she had struggled to make friends. James was the one person that she had let into her life since the fire. Ronnie had tried to explain to her what had happened with James but Danielle still felt confused and hurt by his betrayal. She was worried that she wouldn't be able to ever truly open up again.

Ronnie swivelled in the office chair, fiddling with the zip on her boots. She had gone to find Jack but disappointingly he had not been around so Ronnie had decided to check the office books while she was there. As Ronnie flicked through the papers she soon lost interest, admitting to herself that one of the reasons she had come into the office was for some space and quiet. Despite her overwhelming instinct to protect Danielle and Roxy since the events in Weymouth, Ronnie was struggling to cope since they had returned to Walford.

The relief that Ronnie felt that they were all safe had soon passed, to be replaced by confusion and hatred for her father. Even though little shocked Ronnie when it came to her father, she was struggling to understand how he could be so cruel. The thought of Archie asking for Danielle and Roxy to be dragged into such a dangerous situation, just to teach her a lesson, sickened Ronnie. She was consumed with so much resentment and hatred towards her father, and with Archie dead, there was no release or outlet for Ronnie's increasing anger.

Roxy wrapped her arms around the man's waist, leaning with her full weight against his chest. She happily forgot that the man had looked a lot better at a distance than close up, choosing instead to fall gratefully into his chest. She had another swig of vodka, shuffling on the spot as the pair continued to dance together. "I don't even know your name love" the man said, raising is voice over the music. "That's not important" an intoxicated Roxy slurred, giving him a cheeky smile.

"You know I own this place" Roxy said proudly, waving her finger round the room. "I am the R!" Roxy continued, laughing to herself as she realised that what she was uttering was making little sense. "This is my party!" Roxy continued, trawling through her mind to think of any other claims that would impress the man, who was clearly starting to lose interest in Roxy.

As he managed to peel himself away from Roxy she could feel her legs shaking, her knees giving way as she started to fall to the floor. Thankfully a pair of strong and supportive arm's scooped her up before she made contact with the hard floor.

"I see you're having a good time" Christian laughed as he lifted Roxy to her feet. "Where did....I want to say Rob.....or Tom....well where did that man go?" Roxy said, struggling to complete her sentence. "I think he ran away" Christian joked, with his arm now wrapped securely around Roxy's shoulder.

"Why do you do this to yourself Rox? I mean after everything that has happened, are you sure you were ready for a party?" Christian asked, concerned for his best friend's welfare. Deep down Roxy knew that Christian was right; he had hit a nerve that Roxy had tried to hide away since she had returned to Walford.

Even though she had known it was too soon Roxy had organised this party to try and forget about the ordeal. Each night she had fallen asleep nervous, as the events in Weymouth replayed in her head. Roxy hated the fact that she was unable to move on, she could normally wipe her mind of any worries without a second thought and move on without a care in the world, but this time she felt trapped by this reoccurring nightmare. Roxy had seen the party as an escape, dragging Danielle and Ronnie along for support. But as the music continued to blare Roxy was soon realising that such an escape from her thoughts would be easier said than done.

"Dan, where's Roxy?" Ronnie asked as she walked over to her daughter, slightly concerned to find Danielle alone in the corner of the club. "Well she was over there, wrapped around a stranger" Ronnie rolled her eyes as she heard Danielle recall the familiar antics of Roxy, a story she heard many times before with her sister. "And now Christian is trying to stop her falling over" Danielle said, giggling slightly to herself as she looked on at Christian struggling to hold Roxy upright. "You want to go home?" Ronnie asked, sensing Danielle's awkwardness and continued lack of enthusiasm for the evening.

"Yes please" Danielle said, sighing in relief that her mother had instinctively noticed her feelings. She smiled thankfully at Ronnie, who returned the gesture. But whilst they both caught each other's gaze, a sense of hesitation and worry still hung between them. Unbeknown to both Danielle and Ronnie, they were all struggling to cope with the shocking events that have unexpectedly befallen them.


	3. Chapter 3

"You put a film on and I will get the plates out" Ronnie said as she rattled around in the kitchen cupboards. Danielle watched her mother for a moment as Ronnie had her back to her. She wanted desperately to confide in her all the pain and hurt she was feeling but the words just stuck in her throat; the thought of revealing such feelings scared Danielle. She had felt relieved that they had promptly left the club, leaving Christian to deal with an intoxicated and increasingly vociferous Roxy, but now it felt like Danielle had escaped from one awkward situation just to walk into another one; she soon realised that wherever she went her pain and worries would follow her around.

"So what do you want to watch sweetie?" Ronnie asked, passing a plate of fish and chips to Danielle. Her stomach turned when she saw the plate of grease and batter dumped in front of her, but she didn't want to seem rude so she gratefully accepted the plate before putting it down on the coffee table. "You can choose" Danielle muttered unenthusiastically, before she fell back onto the sofa.

Ronnie was troubled by the sight of a clearly discontented Danielle. Since they had returned from Weymouth Danielle had seemed distant; her bubbly smile seemed lost forever to be replaced by distant glances and the occasional masked smile. It had dawned on Ronnie that Danielle was slowly turning into her; putting up a barrier and closing down to the people she loved. Though this could be expected after what had happened, Ronnie felt helpless as she watched her daughter close down; each day of trying to connect to her daughter had become more of a struggle.

As Ronnie turned on the television she slowly sat down next to Danielle. Ronnie hated how her relationship with Danielle had seemingly taken a step backwards, even talking or sitting next to Danielle seemed awkward. As the film rolled on Ronnie found herself edging closer and closer to Danielle, running her hand up and down Danielle's arm.

The sight of Leonardo Di Caprio slipping away into the sea finally drew a reaction from Danielle as Ronnie noticed tears rolling down her daughters cheeks. Even though she knew these tears were over a tragic film ending, Ronnie grasped at the chance to get closer to Danielle. She pulled her into a hug, letting Danielle curl up against her as they watched the credits roll.

"I should have chosen a happier film" Ronnie joked as she turned off the television. "No it's ok, I like that film, it's just really sad" Danielle muttered as she leant on Ronnie's shoulder. Although there had been this barrier between her and Ronnie, Danielle couldn't help but relax in her mother's arms.

"You have barely touched your dinner Dan, is everything ok?" Ronnie asked, concerned to see a full plate of fish and chips still sitting on the coffee table. "Yeah its fine, I'm just not that hungry" Danielle said, trying to mask her lies; she was hungry but the mounds of grease sat in front of her hadn't looked very appealing.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Ronnie asked, pulling away from Danielle so she could face her daughter. "I just said I'm not hungry, that's all" Danielle replied defensively, annoyed at her mother's persistent questioning. Only months ago Danielle would have been pleased that Ronnie cared enough to interrogate her about every small detail of her life, but now Danielle wasn't in the mood to be questioned, she just wanted to peacefully rest in her arms.

"I wasn't talking about dinner" Ronnie said, noticing how tense and defensive Danielle had become. "Ever since we have come back to Walford you seem so distant and cold" Ronnie said as she watched Danielle edge away from her, pushing her body against the opposite end of the sofa.

"It was just a lot to handle, what happened you know. And I have been thinking of Stace a lot recently and it has all just got on top of me" Danielle confessed, whilst still trying to be as vague as possible. "But I have you, so that's all that matters" Danielle muttered, hoping that such a heart-warming admission would force Ronnie to back away.

Ronnie couldn't help but smile at her daughter's words but she knew they were still laced with unhappiness. Pushing her own fears aside, Ronnie was determined to get to the bottom of Danielle's problems. "If you want to talk about what happened..." Ronnie began. "I know it must have been terrifying, I can't even begin to imagine. But you can't bottle all this up sweetie" Ronnie said. She felt secretly guilty, whilst she was pushing Danielle to reveal her feelings she was hypocritically burying hers. But Ronnie convinced herself this wasn't the time to burden her daughter with her fears, Danielle was all that mattered and Ronnie had got used to masking her feelings.

Ronnie's comforting gaze trapped Danielle, the invitation to open up to her mother and get close to her again overcame her. "I miss them, both of them and I know I shouldn't miss him but I do" Danielle burst out. Ronnie was shocked by her daughter's admission. "How can you miss him? After what he did" Ronnie stated, confused and slightly hurt by Danielle still harboured feelings for a man that hurt her so deeply.

"After Stacey died I felt so alone and I know I had you but it all just got too much. I felt like it was all falling apart again and there was nothing I could do to stop it" Danielle confessed. "And then I meet him and he liked me. I thought he actually liked me for who I was, the stupid quiet one that no one notices" Danielle continued.

"And now it turns out that that wasn't even true. I opened up to him, trusted him and he hurt me like I thought no one ever could since...." Danielle paused. They both knew what Danielle was referring too; nearly two years may have passed but the pain of Ronnie's actions before she knew who Danielle was still hung over them. Danielle moved on quickly. "And now I don't know who to trust because I am so scared that someone will come along and just rip it all away from me again" Danielle said, her head dropping into her hands.

Ronnie watched her daughter, took in every word and drop of emotion that poured out of her. She knew that her daughter was struggling but she hadn't expected such an admission, the sight of her frail daughter, broken by the lies and pain crushed Ronnie. Tears were now rushing down her cheeks too. She gently placed her hands on Danielle's cheeks, lifting her head up so they faced each other.

"I promise you I will never ever let you down again" Ronnie said, her hands still tight around Danielle's tear stained cheeks. "I will be here for you no matter what and I want you to know that you can trust me. I can't change what happened but all I can promise you is that I am here for you now and I will always be" Ronnie said, each word filled with slight determination to help her daughter and guilt that she had let it get this bad.


	4. Chapter 4

The smell of bacon wafted through the flat, lingering in the air. Ronnie was restless; she could faintly hear the sound of shuffling from outside her room. Turning over to check the time, Ronnie was groaned as her alarm clock read 7am. She dug her head deeper into the pillow – choosing to ignore the smells and sounds coming from the kitchen, passing them off as her imagination running wild.

Danielle kept an eye on the frying pan as she laid the table, straightening out the cutlery and checking the glass was perfectly clean. As she spun round to pick up the table mats her arm caught the frying pan handle, rashers of bacon and fat splattering on to the floor.

"No, no, no" Danielle muttered, frustrated by the mess she had inadvertently created. She bent down, picking up the rashers of bacon and lifting them back onto the sideboard. She began to vigorously wipe the floor clean as the fat started to stick to the palm of her hands until she heard footsteps. She looked up at floor level to see a pair of blue furry slippers standing before her.

"Dan, what are you doing?" Ronnie muttered, rubbing her eyes in tiredness. She looked round the kitchen, noticing an open cartoon of orange juice, packs of bacon and sausages on the sideboard. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" Danielle replied apologetically, as she got to her feet.

"I just wanted to make you breakfast, apologise for last night" Danielle said, her eyes avoiding Ronnie's, wary that she might have angered her mother by making a mess and waking her up early in the morning.

Ronnie choose to ignore the early wakeup call and splatters of fats still sticking to the floor, instead she smiled warmly at her daughter. "Thanks sweetie, it looks lovely" Ronnie enthused as she took a seat. As Danielle passed her a full plate, she sat next to Ronnie. "You not having any?" Ronnie asked as she cut into her boiled egg. Danielle picked up a piece of toast and waved it in front of her mother's eyes before taking a bite.

They walked down the market side by side, passing the market traders as they worked on their stalls and the shopkeepers as they opened up for the day. They were both carrying large bags of washing, heading for the laundrette. Ronnie noticed how Danielle drifted away as they walked, choosing not to stay close to her. It was as if Danielle was always moments behind her, but never with her anymore.

Even though she thought they had made some progress earlier in the morning, managing to smile and talk over breakfast, Ronnie could still feel the painful distance between her and Danielle. She wanted to take Danielle's hand, comfort her and support her but Danielle's free hand stayed dug deep into her pockets.

Ronnie approached the laundrette counter, dropping the bag on the floor. Danielle walked behind Ronnie, dropping the bag down before sitting down on the bench; leaving Ronnie alone. "Hello love, how are you this morning?" Dot asked kindly, offering a warm and welcoming smile as she approached Ronnie.

"I am ok thanks Dot" Ronnie lied, not wanting the truth of her pain and confusion to come spilling out in such a public arena. Dot took in Ronnie's answer; her words and the hurt she could see swelling in her eyes. "And how is Danielle?" Dot asked, deciding not to press Ronnie any further.

Ronnie glanced back at Danielle, the same distant look and empty expression remained, her fingers drumming against the bench as she stared aimlessly at the ceiling. To a casual observer or passer-by it may look like Danielle was day dreaming but Ronnie knew her daughter well enough to know that Danielle wasn't dreaming she was shutting off; her mind lost in a sea of confusion and worry.

"I just don't know Dot, every time I feel I am getting somewhere with her she just shuts down again" Ronnie confessed, saddened to admit what she saw as her failings as a mother. She should be the one person that Danielle could confide in, the one person she could be herself around but Ronnie knew that Danielle wasn't herself; a shell of the bubbly girl she once remembered and longed to see again.

"Well she has been through a lot, you all have" Dot said gently, trying to reassure Ronnie by placing her hand on top of Ronnie's. She smiled again at Ronnie and for a moment she got lost in Dot's calming smile; her words made everything seem so simple and easy. "The worst thing is Dot; I can see her slowly turning into me" Ronnie managed a sigh and slight smile, the words sounding ridiculous as she said them. A mother should be proud to see her daughter growing up to be like her but instead Ronnie felt scared, terrified that Danielle was making the same mistakes that her haunted her life.

"She is shutting everything and everyone out; closing down so she doesn't get hurt again" Ronnie admitted, finding in easy to admit her failings that she could she so clearly seeping into Danielle. "But it doesn't work, it only makes things worst" Ronnie said. "I'm scared I am losing her Dot" Ronnie said as she turned to look at Dot, tears brimming in her eyes. She stuttered slightly as the thought crossed her mind.

"She is just hurting Ronnie, just give her time and remind her every day that you are there for her. She has the Lord watching over her as well" Dot said, offering belief and reassurance to a lost and worried mother. Usually Ronnie paid little attention to Dot's speeches about God, but this time her words offered welcome comfort.

"Thanks Dot" Ronnie said, touching Dot's hand in thanks as it rested on the counter. Danielle looked up to see her mother walking away from Dot; she had switched off and forgot how long she had been waiting for Ronnie.

"And I will come and pick up the sheets tomorrow" Ronnie said as she walked away towards the door, gesturing for Danielle to follow as she passed. Danielle slowly rose to her feet and smiled at Ronnie. Even though she couldn't help but feel down and upset, Danielle always felt guilty afterwards. She knew she was hurting Ronnie by shutting down; but as she struggled to control her worries and fears, closing down made everything seem more bearable.

"Morning Aunty Peg" Ronnie beamed, spreading a forced smile across her face as she greeted her aunt. "Morning girls. What you both doing here so early?" Peggy asked as she busied herself around the bar, preparing for the morning trade.

"Well Danielle woke me up nice and early so we thought we could come over and see how Roxy is coping?" Ronnie reply had meant to be a joke but by Danielle's awkward reaction she could see her daughter had taken it to heart. Ronnie kicked herself, Danielle was sensitive at the moment and Ronnie was sure that her sarcastic joke had sounded more like a tactless jibe to Danielle.

Peggy chuckled to herself. "Good luck with that love, you know what Roxy is like after she has had a few. Last time I checked she was half dead on the sofa cuddling a bottle of vodka" She joked as she checked the bottles of alcohol behind the bar. Ronnie smiled at her aunt and proceeded upstairs, glancing back subtly to make sure Danielle was following her. It was a habit Ronnie had picked up recently, the overbearing urge to make sure Danielle was still with her.

Ronnie always felt daft and over protective after she checked but the need for reassurance of her daughter's presence was always too great. Ronnie couldn't help but feel like she had lost two years with Danielle; the two cherished years where they had built their relationship, developed a bond. However much Ronnie tried it felt like they were strangers again, lingering pain and sorrow pushing them apart.

"Roxy" Ronnie whispered cautiously, tapping her fist several times against the lounge door. Much to Ronnie's expectation they were met with a groan of dissatisfaction at being woken. Normally Ronnie would know better than to disturb Roxy when she was hung over but this time she entered briskly, gesturing for Danielle to join her in the lounge.

Danielle and Ronnie looked down on Roxy as she lay sprawled out across the sofa. Her face was pushed up against a cushion, her legs and arms hanging of the edge of the sofa with her skirt tucked up around her waist exposing her thighs. Danielle couldn't help but smile at the scene, an expression that didn't go unnoticed by a relieved Ronnie.

"Wasn't she wearing trousers last night?" Danielle asked, bemused by the antics of a hung over Roxy. "Don't ask" Ronnie joked, rolling her eyes as she only imagined what her sister had got up to since they left the bar. Without even being conscious, Roxy had inadvertently brought Danielle and Ronnie together for only a moment. And as per usual Roxy had never been one to spoil a good mood or joke – as Ronnie and Danielle watched her twitch in her sleep she let out a small fart, causing both Ronnie and Danielle to collapse in laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

Danielle sat silently in the armchair, watching Roxy nurse a cup of coffee, clearly struggling after her heavy night's drinking. Danielle awkwardly looked round the room, the silence between her and Roxy making her feel tense and on edge. She knew Roxy was hung over, so Danielle decided it was best to tread lightly with her. "So did you have fun last night?" Danielle asked, quickly realising that she may have come across as slightly patronising and sarcastic.

"If I could remember it I would tell you" Roxy muttered in between sipping her coffee. "Sorry for the early wake up call, mum thought it would be a good idea to come round and see how you are" Danielle replied nervously, she didn't want it to sound like she was blaming Ronnie for waking her up but hung over and slightly annoyed Roxy made Danielle feel uneasy and she hoped Roxy was not angry with her.

"I thought it was probably Ronnie's idea, she did always like to see me suffer" Roxy managed to joke. "Where is she anyway?" Roxy asked, she would have bothered to look round the room before asking but it seemed like too much effort. "Downstairs, helping Aunty Peg" Danielle replied as she leaned back in the armchair, making herself comfortable.

"So did you have fun last night?" Roxy asked. She turned to look at Danielle, sitting cross legged on the sofa, intent on starting a conversation with Danielle to take her mind off how sick she was feeling. "Yeah it was good" Danielle said, deciding not to tell Roxy that she and Ronnie left the party early because she felt so unhappy there. "Felt a bit of an idiot in that outfit though" she joked. "Don't be silly, you looked amazing" Roxy muttered back, trying to focus on Danielle and what she was saying.

"I didn't. It showed all my bulges and my stomach. I would have looked better in a baggy t-shirt and jeans" Danielle tried to cover up her discomfort but chuckling slightly to herself. "What are you talking about? You have an amazing figure, just like your mum. When she was your age she could have worn a bin bag and still looked amazing, thinking about it, she probably still could. Lucky cow" Roxy said sarcastically, laughing to herself with only a hint of jealousy in her tone.

Even though Roxy was trying to make her feel better she was unintentionally making Danielle feel worse. She idolised her mother and her appearance, from her beautiful golden hair to her gorgeous smile and slender figure. Danielle longed to be like her mother, a graving that felt impossibly out of reach.

Neither Roxy nor Danielle had noticed the other slowly slipping deep into thought until the sound of a car backfiring in the square made them both jump. "Do people have to do that?" Roxy moaned, holding her head in her hands as the sound continued to ring in her ears. She managed to hide the fact that the sound, only for a second, had scared her. She looked up to see a look of fear and panic etched across Danielle's face, her niece unable to mask her worries like Roxy.

"It's ok sweetie, it was just a car backfiring" Roxy said gently, shuffling down the couch to be closer to Danielle, who looked almost paralysed with fear as she sat alone in the armchair. "Come here" Roxy gestured towards Danielle to join on her on the couch. Danielle wasted no time to sit next to Roxy, clinging onto the safety of her company.

"You know you're safe now right? You have me and Ronnie to protect you" Roxy said reassuringly as she embraced Danielle. She could feel her niece trembling so she wrapped her arms tightly round her. Even though the car back firing had made her jump too, she stayed strong for Danielle and held her close until she felt Danielle's muscles relax and her grip round Roxy's waist loosen.

"Sorry, I smell a bit like a brewery" Roxy joked as Danielle pulled away. She was relieved to see Danielle smile; even though Roxy knew it was forced. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Roxy asked gently, even though she was unsure whether she wanted to talk about it herself. The words just slipped out, Danielle looked so lost and upset and Roxy was desperate to comfort her.

"I just can't stop thinking about what happened. I can't eat or sleep properly, everything just keeps going round and round in my head" Danielle started. "Even though mum has explained I still can't understand why he took me, why he snatched me and threw me in that van" Danielle confessed, managing to just hold back the tears. "I was so scared and alone in that room and then I heard him coming back. I thought he was going to kill me" Roxy found herself reliving the events in her head as Danielle spoke, each word that left Danielle's mouth drew her back deeper and deeper into the nightmare.

"I know, I know what your feeling. We all get scared, I was terrified too" Roxy said, trying to keep herself calm as she reassured Danielle. "What happened Roxy? How did you end up tied up downstairs?" Danielle asked suddenly. She knew that it wasn't easy for Roxy either, but selfishly she needed to try and understand. As she registered Danielle's question Roxy froze for a second. Although she hadn't stopped thinking about what had happened she hadn't found the courage or strength to actually talk about it, actually speaking about what happened would make it seem so real again.

"I don't know what happened, one minute I was in the kitchen the next I was tied up in that room" Roxy said slowly, deliberately being very vague as she described the events. "But why did he take you?" Danielle asked desperately, staring deep into Roxy's eyes for an answer. "I don't know ok, I don't know" Roxy said strongly, unable to stop herself almost shouting at Danielle. But Roxy immediately felt guilty as she noticed Danielle cower back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. It's just, what happened, it still haunts me too" Roxy admitted, it felt almost like a weight had been lifted as she revealed the truth.

"One moment I was standing over the sink and the next I felt his arms around me, dragging me down into that van" Roxy said, a single tear now rolling down her cheek. "And then, when we where there he tied me up and left me" Roxy struggled to say. She didn't know why she was finally reliving those events after so many weeks and how Danielle had managed to get her to open up. Even though only a fragile Danielle sat before her Roxy felt like she was talking to Ronnie, Danielle suddenly seemed to offer her the shoulder to cry on like Ronnie had always done in the past.

Danielle watched as Roxy opened up. She had never seen her aunt so vulnerable. "I am sorry I didn't come down and help you. If I had known you were downstairs I would have. I was just so scared" Danielle said meekly. "Don't blame yourself. You didn't know and it wasn't your fault. It was their fault." Roxy said firmly. Even though Roxy didn't dare mention their names they both knew she was referring to Archie, James Snr and James - three men that had all played their part in dragging them both into the terrifying ordeal.

"I really loved him Roxy" Danielle admitted, ashamed that she had let herself be fooled by James, whilst heartbroken that the man she loved deceived her and hurt her so badly. "I know sweetie and I know it hurts but it will get better I promise. I have been hurt by so many men but you learn to stay strong. After Sean and what he did, part of me still loved him. I thought I would never get over it and yes it still hurts now but keep going, make sure you don't let them beat you" Roxy's words sounded so reassuring and Danielle wished she could be as tough as her but James' betrayal still seemed so raw. She knew she should listen to Roxy's advice but trying to move on would mean letting go of James completely, even erasing the times when they were happy together. Danielle couldn't help but cling to these happy memories; naively using them as a distraction and barrier against all the pain.

As they sat side by side, face to face Roxy and Danielle had unwittingly formed a stronger bond, even though this bond and understanding rooted from such a horrifying ordeal. Roxy knew the nightmare wouldn't just slip away but opening up to Danielle had provided some comfort and support and Roxy was happy to think that in some way she had helped Danielle. She was also grateful to her young niece that she had distracted her from her hang over, if only for a while before she needed to go and be sick again.

"Thank you Roxy" Danielle said warmly. "And don't tell mum we chatted please" Danielle asked. "Why?" Roxy replied, confused by Danielle's request. "I just don't want her worrying about me. I just find it easy to talk to you, you were there. I know Ronnie loves me but sometimes she just doesn't understand" Danielle admitted. It was a truth that saddened Danielle; however much she longed to open up to her mum, this barrier had built up between them and neither knew how to break it down.

Unbeknown to Danielle and Roxy, Ronnie was standing outside the lounge door, listening to their conversation. She may have only heard the last few utterances but Danielle's words felt like a dagger through Ronnie's heart. _'She just doesn't understand'_ Her daughter's admission left Ronnie heartbroken, tears streaming down her face as she started to face the fact she had lost her daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

"Do you want any more of that?" Ronnie asked as she watched Danielle wrap her fork round the strands of spaghetti. "It's just you have been playing with it for the last half hour" Ronnie added, trying to sound relaxed. But as mother and daughter sat opposite each other at the table the atmosphere was anything but relaxed.

'_She just doesn't understand' _The words bounced round Ronnie's head as she stared at Danielle, each second of silence more painful and drawn out than the last. Even though Danielle's words had hurt Ronnie knew that they were true; she didn't understand. She desperately wanted to, she longed for Danielle to open up and confide in her like a mother and daughter should. She could feel the questions on the edges of her lips, the words desperate to jump out. But each time she got close to talking she thought better of it, deciding to listen to her head and not her heart.

Ronnie tapped her fork against her plate repeatedly as she continued to glare at Danielle, who was pushing her food back and forth across the plate with her cutlery. The silence was painful; the pair acting almost like strangers at the dinner table. "Can you stop doing that please" Danielle muttered, her head still bowed as she stared blankly at the cold food in front of her. "Pardon?" Ronnie asked, Danielle's voice snapping her out of her unhappy daze.

"I said can you stop doing that please" Danielle repeated firmly. Ronnie stared at her daughter, slightly taken aback by Danielle's tone. Ronnie dropped the fork on the table. "Why are you being like this?" Ronnie asked almost desperately. "Like what?" Danielle replied, looking up to face Ronnie for the first time as she felt her mother's glare fixed on her.

"So cold and distant, it's like you're not even here" Ronnie said despairingly, leaning forward over the table to try and reach out to Danielle. "You mean like you" Danielle fired back instantly. Her daughter's words were laced with so much venom, so bitter and angry yet conveying so much truth. The stare in Danielle's eyes was not one that Ronnie recognised before; gone was the spark and innocence that she so loved and admired. They were replaced by a cold stare, a stare so familiar that it felt like Ronnie was looking into a mirror.

Ronnie took a deep breath and moved on from Danielle's spiteful comment. "Please Dan, just talk to me" Ronnie pleaded. But Ronnie's advances only pushed Danielle further back. She rose from her chair, leaning on the kitchen cupboards. "I don't need to talk" Danielle shouted, the stutter and desperation in her tone unable to mask the lie.

"Yes you do, don't lie to me!" Ronnie screamed, banging her fist against the table in frustration as she too rose from her seat. "I heard you with Roxy earlier. You can talk to her, why can't you talk to me?" Ronnie cried, throwing her hands towards her chest. "I don't know, I don't know" Danielle yelled back, frustrated that she couldn't give Ronnie or herself the answer to that question.

"You keep pushing and pushing me away when all I want to do is help. Why won't you let me" Ronnie pleaded, her eyes remaining fixed on Danielle. It was painful for Ronnie to see Danielle so distressed, all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around her little girl and push all the pain and sorrow away. But Ronnie knew that this wouldn't help, whatever Danielle was feeling she needed to let it spill out, holding it back was only tearing them apart further.

"Because you weren't there!" Danielle screamed before she could pause and think about what she was saying. "I was there though, I was there when that gun went off, I was there when you cried with fear. Just because I wasn't with you the whole time doesn't mean I wasn't scared. I sat here day after day terrified about what had happened to you, terrified that you were lying dead in a gutter somewhere!" Ronnie shouted, forcing her emotions to explode as she relived her fears.

A small part of Danielle felt guilty as she listened to the cries of her distressed mother. Selfishly she had chosen to not think about what Ronnie must have been going through, what she was clearly still going through. Instead Danielle had got wrapped up in her own nightmare, trapped so deep that she felt there was no escape.

"You just don't get it do you?" Danielle said, her volume lowered but her tone still aggressive. "This isn't just about what happened in Weymouth. I am talking about everything. From the minute you gave me up you were never there. When I came back to Walford you pushed me away and then everything with James and Stacey and Archie. I clung to you and this idea that you were this perfect mother but the truth is we don't even know each other. You lost your daughter and I lost my mother when you gave me up twenty one years ago, maybe it's just too late" Ronnie listened, horrified as the truth came spilling out.

"But we have a chance to change that, we have been for the last two years. I can't take back the time we lost but I am here now. And I want to get to know the real Danielle, get to know my daughter even if it takes me a hundred years" Ronnie said firmly, believing every word that left her lips. Even though the pain and hurt still burnt inside of her she wanted to seem strong and confident, she wanted to reassure her daughter that they had a chance even though they're so called 'relationship' was close to disintegrating before their eyes.

"If you knew, if you knew who I really was you wouldn't want me." Danielle muttered solemnly. "That's not true, I love you..." Ronnie said before Danielle fiercely interrupted her. "Don't, just don't. You don't get the right to tell me you love me, it hurts too much" Ronnie looked shocked at Danielle's words, how could a mother's love hurt her daughter? "From the minute you found out the truth we have held this together with love, with the idea we could be mother and daughter." Danielle explained, waving her hands back and forth between herself and Ronnie. "Even though you only loved me because I was your daughter" Danielle said. Ronnie tried to interject but Danielle continued. "And I thought I was happy with that because I just wanted your love and acceptance but I realise now that I wanted you to love me, not just as your daughter, but as Danielle as well....just like she did" Danielle muttered her last words quietly, speaking to herself as she trawled back through all the pain in her life.

"I just want my mum" Danielle admitted tearfully, dropping her head into her hands as the tears started to flow. Those five words that had just slipped from Danielle's mouth left Ronnie broken, frozen to the spot where she stood. Even though she tried to suppress the thought she knew Danielle wasn't talking about her; however much they both wished she was. Danielle was calling out desperately for her adoptive mother, the one that had picked her up when she was knocked down in the playground, the one that dried her tears when a boy teased her at school. She was calling out for the women Ronnie wished she was.

Ronnie began to realise that she had been naive in believing that Danielle and her were like a proper mother and daughter, that they had built up a relationship that couldn't be broken. Even though Ronnie loved her daughter more than anyone or anything in the world, too much time had passed for the wounds to heal. It was never what had happened with Stacey or James or Archie that had been the problem, Ronnie had let her daughter slip away the minute she gave her up. "I love you Dan" Ronnie muttered, desperately to hold back the feeling of defeat. Danielle looked up and caught her mother's gaze, Ronnie's cheeks tears stained and smeared with mascara. "Maybe it's just not enough."

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	7. Chapter 7

_**Thanks to Adia_Rose who helped me with this chapter. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**_

Her words had left Ronnie heartbroken; she remembered seeing any happiness that was left drain away from Ronnie's eyes. How could a mother's love not be enough? Even though Danielle had uttered the words, she struggled to understand them. She had come to Walford craving Ronnie's love and acceptance but after everything that has happened Ronnie just didn't seem enough to Danielle. Even though Danielle believed in what she had just said to Ronnie the guilt still remained. Despite Ronnie's failings, she had tried so desperately to be a proper mother to Danielle. Danielle knew this, she had seen the love, comfort and support radiate from Ronnie everyday but the doubts and fear always seemed to overwhelm her.

She had lost Stacey and James; two people that she loved dearly but most painful was the loss of her adoptive mother, Lizzie. Her recent problems with Ronnie had made Danielle think about Lizzie more; she felt guilty that memories of her mother had been pushed to the back of her mind since she moved to Walford. Lizzie had been the perfect mother to Danielle; kind, supportive, caring, loving and up until her death she had never left Danielle's side.

She was everything Danielle wanted Ronnie to be but unlike with Lizzie, a sense of unforgettable fear remained in her relationship with Ronnie. And although they had started to build a bond and relationship over the last two years, this fear still remained. It was fear built around doubts and sorrow that had followed Danielle around for twenty one years and the loss of those closest to her had only made it worse. She loved Ronnie but the thought of letting her in and losing her like she had lost so many others was too much to bear.

The emptiness in the flat was overwhelming, the scene eerily calm. The silence was painful as Danielle sat alone; drumming her fingers of the kitchen table. Ronnie had reluctantly agreed to go and see Roxy, giving Danielle some time and space to herself. She looked over to the cutlery and saucepans piled up by the sink, the remnants of her dinner still strewn over the china plates. Danielle brought up a hand to her stomach, just the thought of food making her feel uncomfortable and slightly queasy. Danielle had been deliberately avoiding food over recent weeks but as she stared at the plates of spaghetti dumped on the side, the thought of food now began to scare her.

Although her mind was still racing as she got lost in the emptiness of the flat, Danielle calmly stood up and walked towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind her as she entered. Even though there was no one around Danielle wanted to shut herself of, hide behind the four walls that now enclosed her. She may have moved away from the sight of the food but her stomach still felt unsettled. Danielle pressed against her stomach tightly, repeatedly striking her hand against her body.

Leaning over to the bathroom sink Danielle took a gulp of water from a glass that stood half full on the side before slowly bending over the toilet. She ran her fingers up her neck and over her chin until they reached her mouth, pushing her fingers down her throat. Danielle could feel the pain increasing but she needed to get rid of the food, get rid of the worries and sorrow that had been suffocating her. She needed to be stronger and take control, be a daughter that Ronnie would truly love and be proud of.

Her eyes were streaming and nose running as she stayed crouched over the toilet, a hand still staying tightly wrapped around her stomach as she threw up. Her fringe that sat across her forehead soon became stuck to her skin as sweat built on her forehead, the strain and effort taking its toll on Danielle.

Danielle kept her fingers down her throat as she continued to purge until the pain became overwhelming, her throat raw and burnt and her stomach tight and painful as she gagged. She slumped back against the wall, her mind and body drained as she continued to shake uncontrollably, gasping for breath.

Images of all the pain and anguish in her life flashed through her mind, she had hoped purging would have driven the hurt and sorrow away but the thoughts and memories still lingered. But one face, one voice was stronger than the rest; Ronnie. Slumped against the wall Danielle felt desperate; alone and exhausted. Although she had driven Ronnie away she realised that she needed her more than ever right now. She had expected to grave her adoptive mother's reassurance and comfort but Danielle longed for Ronnie to be the one to hold her and say everything was ok.

"Ron..." Danielle struggled to say, her throat still raw and painful. "Mum" Danielle croaked again desperately as she tried to haul herself to her feet, clinging to the sink for support as she continued to shake. Danielle caught sight of herself in the mirror, her face tear stained and sweaty. Danielle turned the sink tap, splashing water over her face as she slowly tried to wipe away the mascara that had run down her cheeks. Danielle's eyes were locked on her reflection until she heard the sound of keys turning in the lock and light footsteps making their way up the stairs.

The noise made Danielle began to rush around; she barely managed to continue through the pain as she kept her hand firmly pressed against her stomach. Danielle flushed the toilet and went about straightening out the bathroom, wanting nothing to seem out of place. "Danielle" A familiar voice echoed from up the stairs, "Dan" Ronnie's voice called again.

Danielle tucked her hair back behind her ears, wiping away more beads of sweat from her forehead before opening the bathroom door, coming face to face with Ronnie. "Hey, sweetie you ok?" Ronnie asked, slightly concerned that a flustered looking Danielle had appeared suddenly from the bathroom.

Danielle nodded, forcing a smile at her mother as she tried to mask the pain. Before Ronnie had a chance to question further Danielle flung her arms round Ronnie's waist, locking her hands together round Ronnie's back. Ronnie was taken aback by her daughter's eager embrace but as she felt her daughter cling desperately to her Ronnie pushed any doubt and worry to the back of her mind, instead letting her daughter melt in her arms. "I'm sorry about earlier" Ronnie whispered. "Me too" Danielle replied meekly, burying her head into Ronnie's chest. She didn't want to think about the argument and her fears, or what she had just done.


	8. Chapter 8

**PLEASE REVIEW!! ANY COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK ARE WELCOME :)**

Lost in her mother's arms, her guard melting with each second that passed. Danielle didn't dare look in her mother's eyes, scared the guilt and pain would come tumbling out if she saw the love and comfort glistening in her eyes. Instead keeping her head pressed against her shoulder.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Ronnie whispered, pulling back from Danielle. Ronnie kept one hand gently pressed against her cheek and the other wiping back her daughter's fringe from her forehead. Ronnie was slightly taken aback by the beads of sweat that now dripped off the tips of her fingers.

Danielle saw the shot of confusion grow across Ronnie's face so Danielle immediately interrupted. "I'm fine" Danielle shot back firmly before turning away from Ronnie and walking into the lounge, leaving Ronnie standing in the hallway. Confusion still lingered but the fact that Danielle had seeked comfort in her made left Ronnie relieved, so she continued to push the confusion and worry to one side.

Ronnie took a deep breath before re-entering the lounge. Danielle was huddled on the sofa; Ronnie noticed how Danielle had pressed herself against the far sofa arm, her legs tucked up to her chin. It was as if she was trying to seek comfort and warmth from her surroundings and yet still pushing herself away, putting up a barrier.

Ronnie wanted to go over to Danielle, drag her back and re-assure Danielle of her love and support by wrapping her arms around her frail daughter. Each day Ronnie would find herself having to convince Danielle of her love again as the pain and worry continued to re-surface, but it was an effort that Ronnie didn't mind making because she knew how much Danielle had been through, how insecure and in need of reassurance she was.

Instead Ronnie decided to clean up the dishes, scrapping the cold and hard spaghetti of the plates and into the bin. Half an hour had passed and Ronnie had finally finished clearing up, the task felt therapeutic in a way as she scrubbed at the work surfaces', vigorously clearing the marble of Bolognese stains.

Cleaning had given her an outlet for the confusion and anger, a task to take her mind of everything. Ronnie had always been an argumentative person, always determined to get in the last word and best shots. But with Danielle it felt different; each argument and raised words just made her feel more hurt than angry. She had backed away from the argument earlier that evening, defeated by Danielle's accusations.

Even though she had tried to forget about it, the argument still lingered in Ronnie's mind, those words, '_maybe it's just not enough...'_ Ronnie had run through a thousand answers and explanations in her head after she had left, each one more painful and heartbreaking than the last. She longed and tried to be the perfect mother to Danielle, to her baby, and Danielle had voiced and questioned her greatest fear, maybe she wasn't enough?

"Do you want a hot drink swe..." Ronnie spoke as she forced herself back into reality, stopping mid-sentence as she turned to face her daughter. Ronnie looked on to see Danielle fast asleep on the couch, her body tightly coiled up with her legs nearly pressed against her chin.

A relieved smile formed across Ronnie's face as she watched her daughter resting. Ronnie was pleased that Danielle was asleep; her worry that she would become upset or angry would subside for a few hours before she woke up. It felt like Danielle was a baby again; her mother thankful that she had stopped crying so she could get some peace and rest, anxiously waiting for the child to wake up and start crying again.

Ronnie slowly made her way other to the sofa and Danielle, crouching down onto her knees in front of her daughter. Ronnie ran her finger lightly up and down Danielle's spine as she slept with her back to Ronnie.

"What am I going to do with you?" Ronnie joked to herself as she ran her hand through Danielle's hair, letting the blonde locks wrap round her fingers. "I just want you to talk to me darling, let me be your mum. I know I can't replace your adoptive mum, I would never try to, but I am here for you and I love you more than anything, more than anyone in this world. That will never change" Ronnie said, the words slipping from her mouth with ease. Even though she knew it was useless opening up to a sleeping Danielle it felt easier to Ronnie, a weight lifted whilst she didn't have to worry about her daughter's reaction.

"You're really scaring me though" Ronnie admitted, she found herself almost waiting for a response from Danielle before she continued to talk to the back of her head. "I can't lose you, you're all I have" Ronnie whispered as her hand ran over Danielle's head. "You know I'm scared too. The minute he took you from me I was terrified. Terrified I would never see you again and I always thought if I ever found you I would stop being scared but I wasn't, I'm not. Each day I wake up terrified that you will leave, you'll realise what a terrible mother I am and just walk away. But I can't lose you Danielle, not now, not ever."

Ronnie leaned in closer to Danielle, pressing her lips against her head softly. She slowly got to her feet and picked up a blanket off the floor, wrapping it around Danielle's body as a cold night's breeze crept in through the window. Ronnie took one last look at Danielle before dragging herself away, her eyes almost fixated on the young women that lay peacefully before her.

As Ronnie left the room to go to bed she turned off the lounge light, plunging the room and Danielle into darkness. She opened her eyes and listened, waiting for the sound of footsteps to drift away into the distance before she turned over. Danielle shuffled back and rested her head against the sofa arm, staring up at the ceiling.

She had heard every word, each loving and almost desperate admission from her mother. She felt guilty that she had been choosing to ignore the pain and worries that Ronnie was suffering, instead selfishly wrapping herself up in her own anguish. Ronnie had opened up to her and the guilt only increased for Danielle when she thought about what she had just done. It had made her feel stronger and more in control but weak at the same time; she had gone behind Ronnie's back and let her down again. As painful images and memories flashed through Danielle's mind she tried to focus on Ronnie, on what she had said, almost crowding her mind out of all the bad thoughts.

Danielle began to realise that her greatest fear, that Ronnie would soon hurt her and leave once again, had too been crippling Ronnie. A shared fear that had been slowly driving them apart. Danielle still carried her pain and secrets, her wounds still open and exposed, but knowing Ronnie was there and loved her more than ever offered Danielle the comfort she needed to try and keep going.


	9. Chapter 9

**PLEASE REVIEW, ANY COMMENTS OR SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME!!! ******

A week had passed, seven days that seemed to drag on forever for Danielle. The frost had begun to thaw between herself and Ronnie but the pain and anguish still lingered, both though choosing to ignore it. Over the last week Danielle had found herself creeping into the bathroom twice when Ronnie reluctantly left her alone, forcing herself to be sick had helped Danielle take control. An act that still caused a lot of pain but helped her release some of the worries and fears that festered inside of her.

Danielle patiently waited at the top of the stairs, placing the picnic basket on the floor as the weight started to strain on her arm. "Do we really need this much food?" Danielle called out to Ronnie, who was still rushing around the kitchen. "Yes, it's a family day out and we want it to be perfect" Danielle noticed how firmly Ronnie spoke, like she was not only answering Danielle but also instructing her to enjoy the day. "And you know what Roxy is like, eats like a horse" Ronnie joked. Danielle giggled to herself at the reminder of Roxy's huge appetite and love of chocolate. Danielle fondly remembered the time at Easter when Roxy had tried and failed to fit a whole Easter egg in her mouth, but the thought of so much chocolate now made her feel slightly unwell.

Danielle bent down and lifted the lid of the basket, revealing a depth of cakes, sweet and ice creams. None of which looked appealing to Danielle, so she decided to focus her mind and attentions to her family and the picnic that Ronnie had organised with Roxy and Amy. It had been Ronnie's suggestion and although Danielle was at first hesitant, she was now warming to the idea of spending time with her family and trying to distract herself from her worries.

Ronnie walked up to Danielle, who was still crouched over the open picnic basket. "You got your eye on something then?" Ronnie joked as Danielle stood up, the presence and sound of her mother's voice snapping Danielle out of thought. "Oh yeah, yeah" Danielle lied; her response hurried and forced, but luckily for Danielle Ronnie didn't notice. As Danielle picked up the basket again she felt guilty for lying to her mum but Danielle feared that despite Ronnie's assurances she would always be there, revealing the truth could drive her mum away in disgust and shame.

Ronnie placed her hand softly on Danielle's back as they walked down the stairs, a gentle and comforting reminder that she was, and always would be, only one step behind her.

Danielle dragged the picnic basket behind her as they spotted Roxy and Amy in the distance, sitting under a tree on the grass. As Ronnie and Danielle got closer they could see little Amy pull away from Roxy and come bounding towards them, her short blonde locks blowing in the wind as she ran as fast as she could. "Dani" Amy shouted enthusiastically as she held her arms out wide to Danielle. Danielle dropped the picnic basket up and scooped her cousin up in her arms.

"Hello, sweetheart" Danielle said kindly, playfully poking Amy's nose. "Don't you look pretty today" Danielle enthused, a smile growing across her face as her cousin beamed back at her. Ronnie walked over to Roxy, leaving Danielle and Amy together. "Why don't you go run over to mummy and Aunty Ronnie and I will be right over" Amy nodded and Danielle carefully placed her back on the grass. As Amy ran back to Roxy and Ronnie, Danielle picked up the picnic basket again and walked over to her family, a huge grin on her face as she started to look forward to the picnic and spending time with her family.

Despite her troubles, Amy always seemed to put a smile on Danielle's face. Even when Danielle remembered babysitting baby Amy for Roxy, when no-one knew who she really was; spending time with her cousin always made Danielle forget her worries. Amy was now eighteen months old, a cheeky and energetic toddler who was constantly laughing, giggling and demanding attention, the similarities to her mother were even apparent at such a young age.

"Hey Dan" Roxy said as Danielle approached with the picnic basket. Roxy stood up and wrapped her arms around Danielle, embracing her niece warmly as Ronnie showed Amy what was in the picnic basket, her eyes lighting up at the sight of some many treats.

"She has been talking about you all morning" Roxy laughed as they joined Ronnie and Amy on the grass, sitting on a chequered blanket under a tree. "Kept repeating your name over breakfast, she even tried to say Danielle but got a bit stuck. She has got a new toy to show you as well" Roxy said, reaching into her bag to reveal a pink princess ball. "You want to go show Dani the ball Amy" Roxy said, leaning forward to her daughter who was sitting comfortably on Ronnie's lap.

With one enthusiastic nod of her head, Amy had shot up from Ronnie's lap and taken the ball, Danielle chasing after her across the grass. "She seems happy today" Roxy said, turning to Ronnie after checking that Danielle was out of ear-shot. "Yeah, I think we are getting somewhere" Ronnie replied happily. "I think that argument really cleared the air, I don't know how but she just seems less angry now" Ronnie said. "Have you talked about the argument, what she said" Roxy asked, slightly concerned that it had been hastily brushed under the carpet by both Danielle and Ronnie.

"No but Rox, its fine. Whatever she throws at me I can take, she is my little girl. I just want her to be happy" Ronnie replied, turning her had to see Danielle and Amy laughing and running around with the ball. The sight of Danielle so happy and relaxed instantly brought a smile to Ronnie's face. "Amy seems full of beans this morning" Ronnie laughed, trying to redirect the conversation to Roxy's daughter. "Yeah, she has been like that all morning and a lot of the night. I tell you what, you are lucky you missed the terrible two stage" Roxy joked, but as the words slipped out of her mouth she instantly regretted them. What a stupid and insensitive thing to say Roxy thought, she knew Ronnie deeply regretted missing Danielle's childhood, even the times when it would have been hard.

Ronnie noticed the panicked look in Roxy's eyes, an awkward look that soon turned to one of regret. "It's ok Rox; I can't change what I have missed. But she is here now and that's what matters" Ronnie said calmly to a relived looking Roxy. "You do look a bit knackered though" Ronnie joked. "Oi, madam over there kept me up half the night. I have been up since 6am with her, she has been going on about seeing Dan all morning" Roxy joked. Roxy was pleased to see Ronnie's smile widening at the mention of Danielle and how fond Amy was of her.

"She really loves her big cousin you know" Roxy said kindly. "I might start getting jealous" Ronnie joked back. "Well she still loves her Aunty Ronnie, just her big cousin is just a bit more fun" Roxy replied, playfully pushing Ronnie's arm as both sisters turned their heads to look over at their daughters. They both laughed at the sight of Danielle lying flat out on the grass, clearly exhausted, with Amy still running round her excitedly with her ball in hand.


	10. Chapter 10

**PLEASE REVIEW WITH ANY COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK THANKS**

"Come on then" Danielle joked, bending down and picking up Amy in her arms. Danielle smiled at her cousin, making Amy giggle. Even though Danielle loved Amy dearly she was slightly envious of her. This innocent young girl had no worries with her real family around her, that loved and cared for her, even if it wasn't the most conventional of family dynamics. Amy got to grow up knowing how much she was truly loved by her mother and all the Mitchells, something Danielle had longed for all her life but something she could never have.

Danielle sighed, distracted by her thoughts until she noticed Amy was still beaming at her, her mischievous grin and sparking blue eyes were so infectious that Danielle couldn't help but giggle. "Let's go back to mummy" Danielle said, gently placing a kiss on Amy's forehead before walking back over to Roxy and Ronnie.

"Seriously Rox, what do you feed her?" Danielle laughed as she placed Amy back down on the grass, collapsing on the floor with her head resting in Ronnie's lap. "She's been like this all morning, and most of the night" Roxy said, shaking her head in disbelief as Amy ran round and round her mother, clearly demanding attention from the next family member.

"Amy come her" Roxy moaned as she leant forward to try and grab Amy, but her daughter was too quick and she continued to run round in circles. "Amy" Roxy snapped, her daughter giggling mischievously. Despite Roxy's clear annoyance, Danielle and Ronnie couldn't help but laugh. "Come here" Roxy said firmly as she finally caught her daughter and brought her into a hug. "What has got into you, where has all this energy come from" Roxy joked, wrapping her fingers around Amy's blonde pigtails playfully.

"Not from me" Ronnie joked. "I never had this much energy as a child" Danielle added. Ronnie had to stop her face from falling. Although hearing the smallest things about her daughter's childhood was always nice, it never felt enough to Ronnie, the times she missed would forever haunt her. "Must be from you Rox" Ronnie moved the conversation on quickly. "Remember that time at home. You must have been around three and mum had just set up the paddling pool in the garden. She had got lunch ready and Roxy refused to come in and eat" Ronnie said, her eyes darting from Roxy to Danielle as she told the story.

"So mum ended up chasing Roxy round and round this paddling pool for minutes, I just couldn't stop laughing. She gave up in the end, but she had run round and round in circles for so long that she was dizzy and just fell in the pool. I remember you stopped and looked at her with your big soppy puppy dog eyes, a big grin across your face" Ronnie said, smiling and laughing as she recalled the happier times of her childhood and family life.

"Yeah Dad was so mad that Mum fell in, said it ruined the new dress he had bought her" Roxy recalled happily without thinking about what she was saying, where and onto whom she was leading the conversation. "He said it was my fault for not helping her catch you" Ronnie added sharply, the mood dropping instantly. The atmosphere suddenly turned tense, the awkward silence making the situation increasingly uncomfortable for everyone. Danielle lifted her head of Ronnie's lap; her mother was no longer a source of comfort as she turned tense and fidgety.

"Come here darling" Danielle said kindly, leaning forward towards Amy. Her cousin had started to get restless, she may have been oblivious to what was going on but she still noticed the increasing tension. "You want something to eat?" She said, reaching into the picnic basket to retrieve a treat. The short interaction between their daughters snapped Ronnie and Roxy out of the uncomfortable stare that had both momentarily paralyzed them. "Yeah let's eat" Roxy chirped as they started to unpack the food. Roxy managed to catch her sister's eye, mouthing the word sorry. Ronnie smiled at Roxy before turning her attention back to laying out the food on the rug.

As chocolate bars, crisps and sandwiches were passed between the group, Danielle managed to avoid them with a shake of the head, eating the occasional crisp when she saw Ronnie glancing at her, instead she focussed her attention on fussing Amy. "Can you get the cake out of the basket please sweetie" Ronnie asked kindly, resting her hand on Danielle's arm as she spoke. Danielle drove her hand into the basket and lifted out the chocolate fudge cake, quickly pushing it towards Ronnie.

As Ronnie cut the cake she passed a slice to Roxy and then Danielle. "No thanks" Danielle muttered as she saw the slice of cake being presented in front of her. "You sure you don't want any?" Ronnie asked slightly puzzled. "It's dark chocolate, you're favourite" Ronnie said kindly, trying to convince Danielle with a warm smile but Danielle could still see the concerned look lingering in Ronnie's eyes. "I'm fine really; I had a big breakfast at the cafe this morning" Danielle lied, her voice stuttering as she tried to sound convincing. "I didn't hear you go out" Ronnie replied, she had now placed the cake on the rug so she could focus fully on questioning Danielle.

"I went out early for a run, then went to the cafe for breakfast" Danielle muttered. Danielle had been telling the truth about going for a run, it had become a regular activity over the last week, she often found herself running until she was close to collapsing. It was a time where Danielle felt she was doing her body some good and it was a good excuse to get out of the flat for an hour. She also remembered the times she had seen Ronnie run and Danielle had convinced herself that if she ran too she could get thinner, have a figure that Ronnie would be proud of. But her lies about food still continued, she hated lying to Ronnie but the words seemed to spill out as she found herself in another awkward situation surrounded by food, glaring eyes and an interrogation from her mother.

Ronnie was still puzzled by Danielle's response but she decided to let it pass, instead digging her fork into a slice of chocolate cake. Danielle watched as Roxy and Ronnie happily worked through their portions, Roxy cutting herself another slice once she had finished the first. Amy was now sitting in the middle of the rug, fidgeting as she got annoyed that no one was paying her any attention. The spare slice of cake that Danielle had refused sat next to Amy as she looked between Ronnie and Roxy, who were eating and Danielle, who was sitting opposite them silently, fidgeting as she played with the laces of her shoes.

Amy moved her hands round and picked up the plate, her little fingers squashing into the slice of cake. With the plate just about balanced in her hands she looked up at Danielle and held up the plate, a wide smile grew across her face with her sparkling eyes beaming at Danielle.

Roxy and Ronnie laughed at the sight of Amy staring at Danielle, plate in hand. "You got to have a slice now Amy has offered" Roxy joked between mouthfuls. Danielle felt the glare of Roxy and Ronnie on her, but now Amy was staring up at her expectantly too. Each pair of eyes made Danielle tense up as she longed for the ground to swallow her up. Danielle searched for the right words in her head to again refuse the offer of food but she struggled to speak, her throat dry and sore.

She took one last look between Roxy, Ronnie and then to Amy before giving in, bending forward to take the plate from her cousin. Hesitantly she drove her fork into the slice of cake and took a bite; each mouthful more painful than the last until she cleared the plate. Attention may have now diverted from her as Ronnie and Roxy engaged in conversation but Danielle still felt tense and uncomfortable. She regretted what she had just done and she was already thinking about what she would have to do later.

Danielle, Ronnie and Roxy with a worn out and sleepy Amy in her arms stopped outside the Vic as they made their way home. "I'm going to help Roxy with this stuff so I will see you back at the flat in a few minutes" Ronnie said warmly, kissing Danielle's forehead as they parted. Roxy managed a smile and a wave as she walked away with Amy in her arms.

As Danielle got back to the flat she made her way slowly up the stairs, carrying on into the darkness until she reached the bathroom door. She paused by the closed door, her hand coming close to reaching for the door knob until she pulled away sharply. Danielle took a deep breath and cautiously entered the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind her. Ronnie's words were running through her mind, Danielle repeating them as she tried to reassure herself, _'back at the flat in a few minutes'._ She had time Danielle convinced herself and she needed to do this, do this now as she felt the food and pain burn away inside of her.

Once again Danielle crouched down over the toilet, tucking her hair behind her ears as she moved her fingers up to her mouth and then down her throat. The sense of control was strengthening her, whilst at the same time the pain and effort made Danielle feel weaker. After throwing up Danielle managed to stand up and flush the toilet, turning to face her reflection in the mirror. The room was still engulfed with darkness but Danielle could still make out her facial features as a beam of light shone through the window from the street lamp below. 

Danielle picked up her toothbrush and began to scrub away at her teeth, desperate to remove any trace of what she had just done. It was a simple action that Danielle now always remembered to do after she had thrown up, a routine act that helped cover up and conceal her secret. Danielle took a sip of water from a glass as the pain in her throat still burned. She had experienced pain in her throat after she had thrown up before but this time it felt worse, stronger and more aggressive. Danielle swirled the water in her mouth until she felt a familiar yet disgusting taste. She spat the water back into the glass, it may have been dark but as Danielle looked down she recognised the traces of blood seeping through the water.

Danielle's heart race quickened, sweat now dripping off her forehead. She had been scared before, scared enough to cling to Ronnie but the sight of her own blood, evidence of how much damage she was doing to herself, shocked Danielle. She picked up the glass and drained the water down the sink, washing the sink with tap water to remove any traces of blood. As the shock and fear started to overwhelm Danielle she hurried out of the bathroom, needing to get away from the scene of the crime.

Danielle had been sitting awkwardly on the sofa for 20 minutes, desperately longing for Ronnie to come home in the hope that her mum would distract her. As she nervously fiddled with the strap of her watch she finally heard the sound of keys in the lock and footsteps bounding up the stairs. "Sorry I have been a bit longer, had a quick chat with Roxy" Ronnie said as she burst through the door.

"She get Amy down ok?" Danielle asked in the hope of starting a conversation that would focus and distract herself from her worries, the sharp pain in her throat and the ache in the pit of her stomach. "Yeah she is flat out, all that running around had worn her out" Ronnie joked as she took off her coat and put it on the back of the kitchen chair. Danielle was ready to reply, the words on the edge of her lips until Ronnie interrupted.

"Before I forget, I have something for you" Ronnie beamed before heading off to the bedroom, not waiting for a response. A puzzled Danielle waited expectantly on the couch. "Here" Ronnie said as came back and walked over to her daughter, passing her a gold box which was wrapped beautifully with purple ribbon. "What's this?" Danielle asked, looking up at Ronnie. "Well Roxy isn't the only one who can buy her daughter presents" Ronnie beamed back, nervous yet excited as she waited for Danielle's reaction. Danielle decided not to ask any more questions even though she was still confused, so she carefully undid the ribbon and lifted up the lid.

Inside laid a gorgeous full length crimson silk gown. Danielle's eyes widened in shock as she admired the gift, she had never seen such a beautiful dress. "What do you think?" Ronnie asked expectantly. She had heard her mother's words but her eyes were still fixed on the garment. It was such a simple act, a passing of a gift between mother and daughter. Yet the offering of such a gorgeous gift, an act by Ronnie filled with so much love, that Danielle felt tears welling in her eyes.

Ronnie immediately noticed the emotion building inside Danielle and bent down to face her daughter, wrapping her arms around her. "So you like it then?" Ronnie managed to joke as Danielle sobbed on her shoulder. Danielle nodded her head as the tears continued to flow, but little did Ronnie know that they were tears of not only joy, but also guilt and fear as her emotions overwhelmed her.


	11. Chapter 11

Ronnie carefully lifted the bacon from the pan, placing it on the plate next to the rest of the food. She started to arrange the food into the shape of a smiley face, using a fork to slide the bacon, eggs and sausages around. It was only a silly gesture but Ronnie remembered when she had done it before for Danielle, her daughter's face had lit up at the sight before she started laughing at how sweet and silly Ronnie had been. Ronnie looked down at the now re-arranged plate, hoping it would once again bring a smile to Danielle's face. Even though Danielle was a fully grown adult Ronnie was determined to mother her and look after her, even if it meant treating her like a child at times.

She carefully lifted up the tray and balanced it on her arms before turning on her heels and heading towards Danielle's bedroom. "Sweetie" Ronnie whispered softly as she taped her free hand against the door, careful to keep the tray balanced. Ronnie listened intently for any noise or movement behind the door but it was silent, an eerie silence. Danielle had always been an early riser so Ronnie wasn't used to her daughter sleeping in till 11am.

Ronnie cautiously pushed open the door, poking her head through the gap. Ronnie almost felt relieved to see Danielle lying peacefully in her bed, her fingers clenched to the top of her duvet as it wrapped tightly around her body. Ronnie carefully placed the tray on the floor and walked over to Danielle's bed, sitting on the mattress next to her sleeping daughter. She couldn't help but run her fingers gently down Danielle's cheek, even after two years together, one glimpse of Danielle melted Ronnie's heart, she almost had to catch her breath as she admired the young women that lay before her.

Ronnie once again found herself lost in the presence of her daughter, her hand resting on Danielle's warm and sweaty cheek. Ronnie snapped out of her thoughts when she noticed Danielle fidgeting amongst the sheets, her brown eyes now beaming up at her. "Morning" Ronnie said sweetly. "Morning" Danielle replied, still waking up and slightly confused as to why Ronnie had been staring at her blankly with her hand locked on her cheek.

"I bought you some breakfast" Ronnie said quickly when she noticed the bemused look in Danielle's eyes. She picked up the tray and passed it to Danielle, who had now dragged her body up until she was sat upright against the headboard. Ronnie took her seat back next to Danielle on the side of the mattress. She had expected Danielle to ravage the plate and food after not eating dinner the night before. But instead Danielle eyes were fixed on the plate, Ronnie noticed how she seemed almost scared of the food, her back pushing against the headboard as she tried to retreat.

"Eat up then" Ronnie nagged, she was completely lost by Danielle's reaction so her mind and mouth decided to steam roll past the awkward and worrying situation. "I am not hungry" Danielle muttered coldly. She was trapped, each object felt like chains constraining her; the sheets, the bed, her room, the flat. There was no escape from the food or Ronnie, Danielle found herself unable to look at either out of fear and panic.

"But I made it especially, your favourite, eggs, bacon and sausages" Ronnie said, her voice echoing the hurt of Danielle's rejection. She sounded like a small child, desperate for the person they loved to praise and acknowledge them. Danielle forced a smile before the mask fell. "I am sorry" Danielle replied as she pushed the tray away, this time her answer was less cold as the guilt seeped in. Once again Ronnie was making all the effort to reach out to Danielle, but all she could do was push her away. Danielle had felt more relaxed around Ronnie at times over the last few weeks but now, faced with food, Danielle's guard shot up and no one, not even her mother, was going to break through.

As the room filled with an awkward silence Ronnie made the first move, stepping back away from Danielle and leaving the room. She didn't slam the door in anger or frustration, emotions that were bubbling inside of Ronnie but instead she slowly closed the door shut and paused on the other side.

With her hand still clasped around the door knob Ronnie could feel the upset and hurt spilling out, pushing aside any anger or frustration that lingered inside of her. Her daughter may have only rejected breakfast but yet Ronnie felt crushed, it was another small yet significant step back in their already fragile relationship.

She had tried to stop it, she had tried to hold back and stay strong but the emotion was too much for Ronnie as the tears now streamed down her cheeks. She let go of the door knob and dropped her head in her hands. Ronnie realised how delicate their relationship was when even the smallest thing could lead to a breakdown.

Danielle had the tray resting on her knees, the sight of a cold breakfast still sat before her. Danielle pulled her legs back, holding them close to her chest as she wrapped her arms around her legs. She could hear Ronnie sobbing on the other side of the door, the sound of her mother's tears and hurt caused a single tear to roll down Danielle's cheek.

Ronnie aimlessly walked around the square; she had left the flat with no direction or intent, simply needing time away and fresh air. She found herself sitting alone on Arthur's bench, the cold wood offering some support as her legs started to ache. "What's wrong with you? You got a face like a slapped horse" the voice barked. Ronnie looked up to see a frustrated and flustered looking Bianca standing before her, her hands on her hips. Before Ronnie could reply Bianca had sat next to her.

Ronnie looked at Bianca, confused as to what she was doing. Did she want to start a conversation? The pair had never got on before; Ronnie remembered several arguments between the pair when they clashed over a dirty look or snide comment. "So what you doing out here, all on your own" Bianca asked. Ronnie couldn't make if she was trying to make small talk or if she was digging for gossip, but she didn't like the almost gleeful emphasis that Bianca had put on the words '_all on your own_'.

"Just needed some fresh air" Ronnie replied, careful not to let too much slip even though her emotions and feelings were close to the surface. "From that girl of yours?" Bianca asked instantly. Ronnie wanted to shout at Bianca for how rude she had sounded, it was Danielle, not that girl and why did she assume her relationship with Danielle was the problem? But she thought better of it and instead gave a small nod.

"Not easy with kids is it?" Bianca replied honestly, one mother to another. Ronnie looked distantly at Bianca, her mind has drifted off as Bianca's voice seemed of little importance to her. "Whitney" Bianca said, slightly annoyed that Ronnie wasn't fully paying attention. "She is a handful at times that girl but I love her. She may not be mine, biologically I mean, but that girl means the world to me, even through the terrible times" Bianca admitted.

She was unsure why she was opening up to Ronnie Mitchell, the ice queen who constantly looked down her nose at her, yet Bianca found the words kept flowing. Ronnie was offering an outlet for her emotions when she couldn't talk to someone she loved or felt close to out of fear of hurting them. Neither Bianca nor Ronnie really cared what the other was saying and the minute they parted they would purposefully forget they ever bonded, yet they both still talked.

"How do you do it?" Ronnie asked desperately. "I mean when they shout, scream, cry. How do you support them when you are so scared yourself, terrified you might lose them" Ronnie continued, searching for an answer. "That's the whole point. You are a mum, you are supposed to be there even when they shout, scream, cry, hit you and call you names. I don't know how, but you are just supposed to be there for them" Bianca replied, telling Ronnie whilst partly convincing herself.

Ronnie offered a weak smile to Bianca, some of her words had got through. She was right even if Ronnie didn't like to admit it; she needed to be there for Danielle and not sitting on a park bench exchanging pleasantries with Bianca Jackson.

"I didn't even ask why you were here?" Ronnie asked, trying to keep the exchange civil and friendly. "Tiffany threw Morgan's breakfast at Liam so I needed to come out and buy some more chicken nuggets" Bianca said as she stood up from the bench. "Chicken nuggets for breakfast?" Ronnie asked, slightly confused and shocked by Bianca's admission. Bianca gritted her teeth and nodded before walking away, but as she did Ronnie distinctly heard Bianca mutter "stuck up cow" under her breath. Ronnie managed to smile at Bianca's comment before deciding to take on board her advice and head home to her daughter.

Danielle had heard her mother leave, she was alone within these four walls; unable to work out if they felt like a prison or a shield. Danielle sat alone, lost in her thoughts for a few minutes before heading to the bathroom. She gently pushed open the door and closed it behind her. Taking one step at a time, Danielle reached the toilet and crouched down, knowing what she was going to do next.

Ronnie arrived back at the flat, careful to not make any noise in case Danielle had gone back to sleep as she turned the key in the lock and made her way up the stairs. Ronnie noticed that whilst Danielle's bedroom door was open, the bathroom door was shut. "Sweetie I'm back" Ronnie said quietly as she walked past the bathroom door but she paused for a second when she heard her daughter coughing and spluttering loudly, the sound very painful and uncomfortable. "Sweetie, you ok?" Ronnie asked; concerned by what she was hearing. Again Danielle didn't respond or answer. Ronnie hesitated before gently resting her palm against the bathroom door to push it open, her eyes catching sight of Danielle crouched over the toilet.


	12. Chapter 12

Her throat was burning and her palms sweaty as they clasped to the rim of the toilet seat. She switched off her mind, terrified what thoughts might run through her head yet she was still in control, forcing herself to do these things.

But suddenly, lost in the pain and sorrow, Danielle heard a voice and a creaking of a door. She didn't need to turn around; she knew she wasn't imagining it; Ronnie was standing right behind her. The thought that Ronnie now knew the truth crossed her mind and part of Danielle was relived, the burden of carrying around such a painful secret had been lifted. Whilst at the same time she was terrified about how Ronnie would react; how disgusted and ashamed she would be. Ronnie had caught Danielle at her lowest; hurt and vulnerable and she didn't have the strength to fight or deny the truth any longer if it was now out in the open.

Ronnie froze, almost paralysed by the sight of Danielle crouched over a toilet coughing and shaking. Her legs wanted to move and her mouth wanted to speak yet they didn't, instead Ronnie stood and with her eyes fixed on her little girl. "Sweetie" Ronnie managed to say, her voice trembling with fear and shock.

Danielle still had her back to Ronnie as she lifted her head up and leaned forward to flush the chain, watching as the blood and sick got swept away. Danielle took a deep breath and tried to get to her feet but she felt so weak and frail, her legs shaking uncontrollably. She managed to lift herself up and stand over the sink, splashing her face with water as one hand stayed firmly gripped on the edge of the sink.

But as Danielle glanced up to look in the mirror she almost fell back as her sweaty hands slipped off the sink rim. Ronnie reacted instantly, lunging forward to catch Danielle in her arms. "What's wrong" Ronnie cried as she rocked Danielle back and forth in her arms; mother and daughter lying in a heap on the bathroom floor. Danielle got lost in Ronnie's arms for a second, the words and truth nearly spilling out, but she managed to stop herself. "I...I just don't feel very well" Danielle muttered, struggling to speak because of the excruciating pain in her throat.

"Sweetie, its more than that" Ronnie said, she had tried to pretend everything was getting better but the sight of Danielle so upset and fragile made her realise the true depth of Danielle's anguish, even if she was still unaware of the problem behind it. "Look at you" Ronnie said, resting her hand under Danielle's chin so she could lift her head to face hers. Danielle started to struggle, her legs twitching as Ronnie realised she was trying to pull away and get up. Instead of holding her close like she wanted Ronnie wrapped her arms around Danielle's shoulders and helped her to her feet, moving her over to the sink.

Danielle shuffled around as Ronnie pulled away, taking a long gulp of water in the hope it would ease the burning in her throat. Danielle spat some of the water back out, traces of blood again lined the sink but Danielle immediately washed them away, careful to keep Ronnie's sight blocked so she couldn't see the evidence she was so desperate to hide.

Danielle took a deep breath and turned again to face her mother, their eyes locked together. Danielle tried to control her breathing, steady herself. Her heart was beating out of her chest and her throat raw, yet Danielle forced a weak smile to form across her face.

"Come and sit down" Ronnie said gently as she guided Danielle from the bathroom onto the sofa. Danielle carefully sat down, her weak limbs collapsing into the cotton cushions. Ronnie was terrified at the sight of Danielle still shaking so she placed her hands firmly on her knees, forcing her palms down in an effort to stop Danielle shaking uncontrollably. She knew that it wasn't the best course of action but she struggled to find the right words and she couldn't bear to see Danielle so distressed.

Danielle could see how Ronnie was struggling, her brow furrowed and eyes wide and tearful. "I'm fine, really" Danielle croaked. "You're not fine, you look and sound terrible" Ronnie stated firmly, not wanting to take Danielle's excuses when the truth sat before her.

"I just don't feel great, I think it's something I ate" Danielle replied, unwittingly dragging the issue of food into the conversation as she acted defensively against Ronnie's insistence that something was wrong.

"But you have hardly eaten anything for days" Ronnie replied, confused by Danielle's weak excuse. Danielle froze, Ronnie had noticed. This was her chance to tell Ronnie everything, explain and make her understand. It was Ronnie's chance to work out the truth, let the pieces of the puzzle slip into place. But before either had a chance Danielle's guard shot up. "That's because I have been feeling bad for days, think it was something I ate before that" Danielle said weakly.

Ronnie wanted to argue, find fault and untruth in Danielle's answer but instead she let it pass. Danielle was too weak to disagree and fight anymore and her answer made some sense, Danielle hadn't been eating a lot, looking ill and weak for some time. "Well we should get you to a doctor then" Ronnie said. She wished she could be more firm and authoritative, insist firmly on Danielle getting checked but she didn't want to force or push Danielle, not when she was ill and weak. That bossy and controlling side of Ronnie still remained yet with Danielle; she always felt it slip away uncontrollably.

"Just help me to bed, please" Danielle pleaded weakly. Ronnie nodded her head in acknowledgment. Neither said a word, they shared a brief glancing look before Ronnie wrapped her arms around Danielle shoulders and helped her up, almost dragging a limp Danielle to her room.

She lay Danielle on her mattress and watched her daughter drift off to sleep, giving in to the exhaustion as she found a place where she could finally switch off and relax, if only for a few hours. Ronnie tucked the sheets around her body tightly, straightening the duvet and pillows meticulously even though Danielle's restless sleep would soon make the act pointless. Ronnie gently pushed a strand of Danielle's fringe behind her ears and leant in to kiss her forehead.

Ronnie gazed lovingly at Danielle, the sight of her resting peacefully still left Ronnie worried but it gave her time to think. She glanced round the room, catching sight of the full plate of breakfast that sat on the floor. The issue of food lingered in Ronnie's mind; she had noticed Danielle not eating a lot recently, refusing the offer of food at nearly every opportunity. But each time she had pushed the matter further Danielle had found an answer. She didn't like to doubt her daughter but questions still remained.

Ronnie's mind exploded with questions and worries, part of her wanting to wake and confront Danielle but she knew that wasn't the answer. So instead Ronnie began to frantically think over the situation; was she really ill? Was that the innocent and truthful explanation that Danielle had insisted upon? What if she was pregnant? It had happened before with Paul and she had been with James for some time before the events in Weymouth, was this the secret that had lead to Danielle falling ill and pushing Ronnie away?


	13. Chapter 13

When Danielle twitched Ronnie couldn't help but flinch slightly. Even though she knew Danielle was only tossing and turning in her sleep; any sign of restlessness or discomfort made Ronnie nervous. She watched Danielle sleep, Ronnie hadn't moved since she had drifted off. Ronnie didn't know whether it was fear, love or worry that was keeping her eyes locked on her daughter and her feet glued to the ground, but whatever it was she knew she didn't want to move.

Nearly twenty minutes had passed yet it felt like only seconds to Ronnie. She caught sight of the time from Danielle's alarm clock, the hands approaching 12. Even though every muscle in her body and thought in her mind wanted to stay, Ronnie needed the toilet so she grudgingly left the room, carefully opening and closing the door as she tried not to disturb Danielle's much needed rest.

Ronnie splashed water over her face; leaning at the sink she mirrored the position of her daughter from only earlier that morning. Both tried to wash away the fear and worry as they stared back at an unwanted reflection in the mirror.

Danielle wished to see the image of a daughter Ronnie could be proud of, whilst Ronnie longed to lock eyes on a reflection of herself that she could be proud of. Not one based on image or appearance, but a strong, caring and loved mother who could offer warmth and strength to support her daughter. She thought she had been that person, but Danielle had made her doubt herself.

Ronnie's jaw snapped up and down, her teeth biting into her fingernails. The soft cotton sofa cushions were offering no support to Ronnie as she sat alone, merely another location to apprehensively wait and worry about Danielle before she woke up.

The eerie silence surrounded Ronnie, not even the sounds of people voices below could be heard as a storm moved in, how quickly the mood could change Ronnie mused. Even though part of her didn't want to, Ronnie tried to push Danielle out of her mind; worrying about her sleeping child wasn't helping anyone. Ronnie needed to relax, her muscles still tense and palms sweaty.

She leaned over and reached for her mobile on the coffee table. She needed a distraction and if she wasn't going to think about Danielle then there was only one person she could call. "Hey" Ronnie muttered down the phone. "You alright Ron?" Roxy asked, concerned by her sister's unenthusiastic and glum tone.

"I'm just ringing up for a chat" Ronnie replied, deliberately avoiding Roxy's question. Either answer to the question, either an untruthful yes or despondent no would lead to incessant questioning from her sister.

"What about?" Roxy asked, puzzled by Ronnie's spontaneous call. She had already assumed the reason for Ronnie's bad mood, but by the sound of her sister, making assumptions about Danielle wasn't the best course of action. Instead Roxy listened intently.

"Oh I don't know Rox" Ronnie said, frustrated that she couldn't think of anything else but Danielle. "Bad storm by the looks of it" she muttered unconvincingly as rain drops started to trickle down the window. "Ron, when have we ever talked about the weather?" Roxy joked, amused by her sister's poor attempt to build the meaningless conversation.

"What's happened Ron? Is she ok?" Roxy asked bluntly, realising there was no point skirting round the issue. They could have made small talk all afternoon but Roxy patience was already starting to wear thin.

"Who? Danielle? Yeah she is ok" Ronnie muttered in reply, trying to move the conversation on. But she realised as much as her answer was unconvincing, some part of her wanted to talk about Danielle. She had called Roxy up, the one person she could talk to honestly about her daughter just hoping to be distracted, yet she could think of nothing else to talk about.

"You really are a terrible liar Ronnie" Roxy joked. "Are you going to tell me what is going on or am I just going to have to phone Dan and ask" Roxy waited for an answer as she listened to her sister breathing heavily down the phone. "You can't, she is asleep" Ronnie replied.

"Asleep?! Ron its midday. I know I can be lazy but....." Roxy replied before Ronnie cut in. "She had a rough morning" Ronnie shot back defensively. "Why, what happened?" Roxy asked, concerned by Ronnie's reply.

"She was just sick that's all, something she ate" Ronnie said, Roxy noticed the uncertainty and lack of conviction in Ronnie's tone. Roxy listened carefully, pleased that she had unwittingly lead Ronnie into opening up about Danielle, she may be making it hard but Roxy was determined to hear the truth.

"And you believe her?" Roxy snapped back, her tone unintentionally sarcastic and patronising. She immediately regretted it as the words slipped out. "Course I believe her Rox, she is my daughter" Ronnie replied, annoyed at Roxy's accusation.

"All I am saying is that maybe there is something else going on?" Roxy suggested, raising the question that was clearly lingering in Ronnie's mind despite her defensiveness.

Not a word left Ronnie's lips; all Roxy could hear was her heavy breathing and the sound of sheets of rain drilling against the window. "Ron?" Roxy asked cautiously, nervous as to why her sister was lost for words.

"I think she might be pregnant" Ronnie whispered, careful to keep her voice down. But the silence was soon interrupted by Roxy's ear piercing scream. "WHAT!!" Roxy yelled down the phone. The shrill sound made Ronnie jump slightly as she sat on the sofa. "Christ Roxy, keep your voice down. You wake Danielle from the Vic" Ronnie managed to joke, the volume of her sister's voice still ringing in her ears.

"Sorry Ron, it's just a bit of a shock you know" Roxy muttered, her mind distracted over what her sister had just revealed. "Are you sure?" Roxy asked, still slightly unconvinced. She was sure that Ronnie wouldn't make assumptions about Danielle but it seemed so out of character, Danielle was a naive and innocent girl. She may be going through a troubled phase but this was a revelation that Roxy just couldn't get her head round.

"Well no, it's just a hunch. But I am just going to keep an eye on her, not let her out of my sight" Ronnie said firmly, the course of action to take clearly decided in her mind. "Just be careful Ron, don't smother her" Roxy said, she knew how Ronnie could get when something was bothering her. It happened with Roxy when they were growing up but with Danielle, Ronnie instincts and behaviour understandably seemed to kick into overdrive.

Danielle rested against the doorframe, the feint voice of her mother barely audible above the sound of gathering storm clouds. Despite the unsettled feeling in her stomach, she had heard voices from the lounge. Pulling on some clothes, she decided to go and investigate, intrigued by what they might reveal.

'_Well no, it's just a hunch. But I am just going to keep an eye on her, not let her out of my sight'_ Danielle's heart started to race faster, the realisation that Ronnie might know the truth now became clearer in her mind. But if she did really know, why wasn't she confronting her and instead plotting with someone else? Danielle had always thought that although the prospect of Ronnie knowing the truth was terrifying, it would be a relief and burden lifted. Yet all she felt was fear and confusion; emotions that had been crippling her and yet they only seemed to be getting worse.

Before Danielle could stop to think she had bolted from the door, her legs tense and weak still so she gripped the stair-rail as she dragged herself down the stairs and out into the road, the sheets of rain drilling against her head painfully as storm clouds loomed up above.

Danielle didn't know where she was going or what she planned to do, her legs not helping as they continued to shake uncontrollably. She stood still in the square, the streets deserted as people retreated indoors. Danielle considered her next move, The Vic was not an option, the place would be swarmed with intrigued eyes and the Mitchells. They may be her family but they were sure to ask unwanted questions.

Danielle momentarily thought about going back to the flat, but the prospect and fear about facing Ronnie was too much to even think about. Instead, with her fears still fresh in her mind, Danielle headed into the Minute Mart. A shelter from not only her worries but also the rain as her clothes started to soak through and stick to her skin.

Shaking of the rain, Danielle stood in the doorway on the Minute Mart. She glanced up at Chelsea who had her head buried deeply in a glossy magazine, clearly not interested any custom that passed through the door.

Her eyes moved around the shop to check if anyone else was around before she moved over to the shelves of confectionary; chocolate bars and bags of sweets lined before her eyes. Danielle took a deep breath before scooping up a random selection in her arms, turning to drop them onto the counter in front of Chelsea. The sound of bars and sweets dropped on top of the plastic counter made Chelsea look up for the first time and offer an unenthusiastic grunt as she put down her magazine.

She was slightly taken aback by the mountain piled on the counter; her eyes scanning up and down Danielle judgementally. Chelsea wanted to offer a bitchy comment but she decided against it, choosing instead to slide the coins that Danielle had just thrown across the counter into the palms of her hands and offer a smirk as Danielle scooped up her purchases and left.

Once again Danielle stepped out into the road, looking for sanctuary and escape as the rain continued to fall. She stuffed the chocolate and sweets into her jumper pocket and made her way down the market, her eyes scanning nearby buildings desperately.

Danielle noticed an unattended building out of the corner of her eye and headed straight for it, not slowing down until she entered. Danielle glanced around at the empty toilets, it may not be the most pleasant of surroundings but it was an empty shelter from the rain where she didn't have to worry about anyone else. Danielle walked over to the sink and emptied her pockets.

Her eyes darted from the mirror and her reflection to the sink full of sweets and chocolate. She was unsure about why she had even bought so many, all she knew is she had needed to get out of the flat and distract herself; over recent weeks purging unwanted food had offered Danielle a chance to take control and release the pain and worries.

Without considering her surroundings Danielle began to un-wrap the sweets and fire one after the other into her mouth. She deliberately avoided catching sight of her reflection in the mirror, she may know what she was doing but the image of herself actually inflicting so much harm still scared her. With the chocolate quickly disappearing, Danielle spun on the spot and threw herself forward onto her knees in front of a toilet.

The stench of filth lingered in the air and dirt tarnished the floor as Danielle brought her fingers up to her mouth once again; forcing herself to throw up what she had just consumed. She slumped down against the toilet; squashed tightly between the toilet seat and toilet wall. She could hear the rain beating down outside as her head dropped into her hands, tears streaming down her face and blood trickling from the corner of her mouth.

Sitting alone on the floor in the dirt and grime; Danielle realised how isolated and desperate she had become. She may have knowingly done this to herself but she couldn't see any escape from the pain and fear that consumed her.


	14. Chapter 14

**PLEASE REVIEW – ANY COMMENTS OR FEEDBACK ARE WELCOME **

She had managed to drag herself off the floor, her hands gripped to the sick covered toilet rim as her legs struggled to support her weight. She crouched over the toilet again, but this time not to throw up but instead she held her stomach as the shooting pains crippled her.

Danielle struggled out of the toilet block and into the road, slumping down against a nearby wall as the strain and agony again got too much. Danielle sat and let the rain wash over her, rinsing away the remnants of sick and dirt on her hands and hair. The heavy pounding was soaking through to her skin but Danielle didn't care; the rain was washing away the reminders of what she had just done to herself.

She stayed slumped against the wall for a few minutes before trying to catch her breath and hauling herself up. Danielle limped down the street aimlessly, no direction or purpose until she reached the club. The outside was starting to look rundown and neglected, in need of repair. Ever since the fire R&R had been starting to go downhill; Ronnie struggled to find time to manage and Jack was constantly pre-occupied and struggling to cope on his own. Danielle felt a pang on guilt; another part of Ronnie's life that had been ruined by her.

But the club not only served to remind her about her guilt and pain over Ronnie but also another figure who had been and was still close to heart; her best friend Stacey, who had tragically lost her life in this very club nearly two years ago. A lot of time may have passed but standing alone outside the club only lead to Danielle's pain over Stacey's death re-surfacing.

Danielle stood in the road looking at the doors; remembering vividly the sight of a fireman carrying Stacey's limp body in his arms and dropping her to the floor right in front of Danielle. The guilt had never evaded Danielle since that day; the anguish that Stacey died alone whilst she was rescued and given a second chance. Her mind was so jumbled with thoughts and emotions yet Danielle always remembered that that was the day that she started to lose control of her life; she may have tried to deny it but Stacey's death was a lingering pain that still haunted Danielle.

Her thoughts about Stacey suddenly made Danielle's mind clearer; it helped her push the other fears to one side if only for a moment. It gave Danielle a purpose and direction as she finally decided on where she wanted to be and what she wanted to do.

Danielle turned away from the club and slowly walked over to a nearby bus station; stepping onto the waiting bus and requesting a ticket. The bus was full as the bad weather forced people off the streets and Danielle couldn't help but scan around the seats; checking that no-recognisable faces would catch a glimpse of her and start asking questions. Danielle took her seats surrounded by strangers as the bus pulled away from the square.

The bus finally pulled up to Danielle's stop and she slowly made her way off behind a group of young boys and an old lady struggling along with a walking stick. "You'll catch your death out her love" the old lady muttered caringly as she turned to cautiously check who was behind her. "I will be fine" Danielle lied with a forced smile on her face; still slightly touched by the stranger's concern.

Danielle crossed the road and headed through large iron gates. She scanned the large fields, her eyes confronted by hundreds of grave stones each bearing an identity and their own sorrow and pain. Danielle cautiously made her way through the graveyard, carefully avoiding stepping on someone's grave. She wasn't particularly superstitious but the thought of stepping on where a body lay made Danielle feel more uncomfortable than she already felt.

After walking for a few minutes Danielle reached her intended destination. Fresh flowers sat perched against a small gravestone; the message reading 'Stacey Slater, a daughter and friend missed by all'. Reading the message like she had many times before brought a tear to Danielle's eye.

Danielle bent down on the grass, ignoring the mud and grass stains on her trousers. Her eyes stay fixed on the gravestone, her eyes following the words as she read the message again. She leant forward and gently rested her hand against the granite, stroking the headstone back and forth.

"Sorry I haven't been in a while Stace, stuff has been a bit mad" Danielle started speaking softly, she felt embarrassed to be talking to a piece of stone but Stacey had been her best friend; a shoulder to cry on and an ear that listened. Isolated and desperate, Danielle clung to a memory of a Stacey. She needed to talk to her best friend, even if she would never talk back.

"Jean, Charlie and Mo are ok. I see them walking around the square occasionally and on the stall." Danielle said but reminding herself of the Slater's made her only feel worse. The family had taken her in when she had nothing, given her a home and a new life in Walford. But since Stacey's death Danielle had found herself unintentionally distancing herself from the family, talking to them was a painful and awkward situation that Danielle had selfishly tried to ignore.

"Everyone really misses you Stace" Danielle said. "I miss you" she continued softly, a tear now rolling down her cheek. "I am not sure I can do this without you. You always understood; even when you screamed and shouted at me" The corners of Danielle's mouth turned up slightly, only for a second, when she remembered the silly arguments they had and how they used to make up over a tub of Ben and Jerry's and a box-set of Friends.

"I am so scared Stace; I don't know what I am doing to myself anymore" Danielle admitted, wiping back the tears and rain from her face. The storm still raged above Danielle's head; her clothes soaked through and body drenched as relentless sheets of rain fell from the sky.

"I just feel so lost and confused, I need to take control sometimes and stop this stuff from eating away at me" Danielle said, repeatedly hitting her stomach with her hand. Danielle struggled to explain what this stuff was; emotions, pain and worry that she struggled to understand herself.

"And I know that you would say I need to tell the truth, be honest with people but I don't think I am strong enough. What if they leave me Stace, what if she leaves me just like you did?" Danielle cried as the tears continued to fall.

Danielle collapsed forward onto the grass, her knees giving way as the pain and exhaustion became too much. As Danielle wept uncontrollably on Stacey's grave she heard a gentle and familiar voice from behind her, "Danielle love, are you ok?"

Ronnie's shifted back against the sofa cushion, slowly opening her eyes as she heard the thunder roar once again from outside. Ronnie rubbed her eyes, tiredness and exhaustion making her sight slightly blurry as she awoke. She shuffled back and pulled herself upright; puzzled as to how she ended up falling asleep with her phone in her hand. The last thing she could remember was ending her conversation with Roxy but she must have drifted off; the lack of sleep and worry about Danielle during the night taking its toll.

Ronnie stretched her arms out and stood up, straightening her clothes before walking from the lounge to Danielle's door. "Sweetie, you should probably get up now it's......" Ronnie said softly as she gently pushed opened the door, expecting to see her daughter sleeping peacefully.

But Ronnie's eyes widened with panic, her words trailing off when she saw Danielle's bed empty, her sheets hanging off the mattress and pyjamas thrown across the floor. "Danielle" Ronnie called out loudly; hoping that she may have been in the bathroom. But Ronnie knew she wasn't; the flat was empty and silent. "DANIELLE" Ronnie called out for her daughter again, but this time it was a scream of fear and desperation as she realised that Danielle had gone.


	15. Chapter 15

**PLEASE REVIEW, ANY COMMENTS OR FEEDBACK WOULD BE GREAT THANKS **

Ronnie thundered across the square, she took no time to acknowledge her surroundings or the faces that glared at her as she hurtled past, clearly distressed and upset. Ronnie had stood screaming and calling for her daughter for minutes; she felt physically sick as the fear and panic burned inside of her. After bolting round the flat Ronnie decided to look for Danielle; she could be at the Minute Mart or at The Vic Ronnie tried to reason with herself as her mind ran wild; but part of Ronnie feared that Danielle had gone for good.

"Another Mitchell drama" Mo muttered under her breath as Ronnie shot past. The storm had finally passed and life was beginning to re-appear on Albert Square; traders set up their stalls and locals once again walked the streets.

Ronnie burst through the doors of The Vic, her dramatic entrance catching many by surprise as interested faces turned to catch a glimpse of Ronnie, standing in the doorway with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Roxy" Ronnie managed to say as she tried to regain her breath. "Ron, what's the matter?" Roxy asked worriedly from behind the bar.

"It's Danielle, she's gone" Ronnie screamed in horror, she was not only talking to her sister but now she was entertaining a pub full of eager faces and prying eyes. Roxy's face dropped, Ronnie's four words rung in Roxy's ears. It didn't make sense, why would Danielle just go? Roxy knew Danielle and Ronnie were having problems but Roxy was sure of one thing; Danielle loved her mum and would never do anything to deliberately hurt her.

"Let's get you upstairs" Roxy gestured at Ronnie to join her behind the bar so they could continue their conversation upstairs. As Ronnie made her way over Roxy could already hear the whispering, her murmurs of voices who wanted to know more. Roxy scanned the punters faces, her eyes reaching the smug face of Ian Beale. She could see the glee in his eyes that another Mitchell drama had been made public. "Shows over" Roxy barked as she led Ronnie upstairs, leaving the locals disappointed they wouldn't be witness to more of the details.

"Danielle love, are you ok?" Charlie said kindly, concerned by the sight of a weak Danielle collapsed before Stacey's grave. Danielle heard Charlie's voice; his words slipping over her as she struggled to focus; she was trapped in her own sorrow and pain as she lay in a heap on the grass.

"Danielle" Charlie said again, bending down to check on a clearly distressed Danielle. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, causing Danielle to flinch away and finally respond to his presence. Danielle dragged herself to her knees and looked up at Charlie.

Charlie was alarmed by Danielle's appearance; drenched and shivering with mud covering her face, hands and clothes. Her eyes were wide with fear, her cheeks raw and tear-stained; she looked like a lost and scared little girl Charlie thought.

Since Danielle had arrived in Walford and moved into the Slater's Charlie had felt protective over her; she felt like daughter to him. Charlie couldn't help but care for the girl; his role as a father figure had been second nature to him all his life with his girls and then there was Stacey. Charlie missed his great-niece dearly; the house had felt empty and cold since her death. Danielle may have drifted away from the Slater's in recent years but Charlie still cared for her.

Before Charlie could utter another word Danielle had mustered all the strength she had left and managed to get to her feet, before throwing herself at Charlie, wrapping her frail arms around him as she leant against his warm chest. Charlie may have been taken aback by Danielle's sudden embrace but he was happy to oblige, holding Danielle close as she clung to him.

Ronnie paced up and down in front of Roxy who was sitting on the sofa, her hands shaking as she ran her fingers through her hair. Roxy had taken Ronnie upstairs and guided her onto the sofa but Ronnie had instantly shot up; she couldn't bear to sit down when she was restless and her mind was racing.

"What if someone has taken her again Rox?" Ronnie asked, she had tried desperately to suppress her fears and memories from Weymouth but with Danielle disappearing. She couldn't control her thoughts as she ran over any possible reasons and outcomes in her mind; each one more dramatic and farfetched than the last.

Roxy wanted to calm Ronnie, tell her that it was impossible that Danielle had been taken against her will but the last few weeks had taught her that nearly anything was possible when it came to the Mitchell family and the problems and dramas that plagued them. "She has probably just gone for walk or something Ron" Roxy replied but her tone lacked any conviction or belief in what she was saying.

"But I left her in bed Rox, she was ill. Why would she just get up and go?" Ronnie cried. "I don't know, maybe she just needs some fresh air" Roxy replied timidly, her voice uncharacteristically meek and tame as she tried not to worry or distress Ronnie more.

"What if she doesn't come back Rox?" Ronnie cried. Roxy immediately jumped up from the sofa as she saw Ronnie's knees weaken and body begun to shake in fear and worry. Roxy placed her hands on Ronnie's cheeks, trying to calm Ronnie and make her look her in the eye. "Ron, listen to me." Roxy said forcefully as Ronnie's head thrashed around, her eyes brimmed with tears and unable to focus. "Ron" Roxy snapped as Ronnie finally caught her sister's eye. "We will find her, I promise" Roxy said, a resound determination in her tone despite the doubts lingering in her mind. Ronnie nodded her head in response before embracing her sister, both looking for comfort and thanking her for her support.

"I'm sorry" Danielle muttered as she peeled her face away from Charlie's coat. "Sorry for what?" Charlie asked, confused as Danielle's meek apology. There was so much Danielle felt sorry for, so many dramas that had slipped out of her control. "Since...." The words stuck in Danielle's throat; instead she turned to look at Stacey's grave. "Well since she's been gone I haven't been round to see you enough" Danielle admitted, ashamed that she had let down someone else she cared for.

Charlie could see the tears brimming in Danielle's eyes once again, her emotions coming close to over spilling. "You have had a lot to deal with love; it's been hard for everyone. We all miss her dearly" Charlie said kindly, his voice stuttering as her too began to choke on her tears. Danielle managed to nod in acknowledgment as she brushed the tears from her eyes.

"Why don't you come home in the cab with me, I can drop you off at your mum's. She must be worried about you" Charlie offered. Danielle hesitated; whilst the warmth and love of her mother was appealing she couldn't help but feel terrified of what she would say. Danielle knew she had been cruel and selfish to just run out on Ronnie without saying a word but at the time it seemed the only option. After over hearing Ronnie on the phone she could feel the frightening truth closing in around her, ready to suffocate her. Danielle knew that going back after she had run away would only make Ronnie's desire to not let her out of her sight worse.

Charlie watched on as Danielle was paralysed by her fear. He was confused that she seemed deep in thought, lost and scared. Charlie decided to make the next move and he gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder and started walking slowly away from Stacey's grave, carefully dragging Danielle along with him. Danielle timidly obliged, her mind settled and feet started moving when she felt Charlie's warm hand grip to her shoulder.

After many more minutes of crying, Roxy had managed to reason with a hysterical Ronnie. She had led her sister out of The Vic through the back door, conscious to avoid the crowds out front who she knew would still be eager to witness more of the drama. Roxy wasn't sure what to do but decided that if Danielle was to return, Ronnie needed to be at home. If Danielle needed her mum, Ronnie must be there, even if she was in not fit state at the moment to look after herself yet alone an ill and upset young girl.

Ronnie walked across the square in a trance; faces and noises travelled past her. All she knew was that Roxy was by her side, her sister's hand gripped on her shoulder. Roxy was holding onto Ronnie so tightly, her nails digging into Ronnie's flesh but Ronnie didn't even register the pain. As they reached Ronnie's front door Roxy reluctantly let go of Ronnie's shoulder as pushed her hands into Ronnie's trouser pockets, searching for her sister's front door keys.

"Ron, where are your keys?" Roxy asked desperately as she searched Ronnie's pockets again, each one empty except for a handful of used and soggy tissues from where Ronnie had been crying. Ronnie didn't answer, her face didn't even move. Her empty eyes looked past Roxy, just staring out onto the road. "Let's get you back to The Vic" Roxy said, again taking Ronnie's hand before heading back across the Square through the bustling market crowds.

Charlie's cab rounded the final bend before they reached Albert Square. They passed The Vic and the market crowds before Charlie pulled up outside Ronnie's flat. He glanced in his mirror, concerned to see Danielle huddled in the back seat. She was sat squarely in the middle, afraid to even get close or look out the windows for a second. Charlie turned off the engines, got out the driver's seat and cautiously opened the passenger door. Unsurprisingly to Charlie Danielle didn't move, she seemed scared of the world outside the cab even though in was her home; faces and surroundings that she had grown accustomed too over the last few years.

Charlie leaned forward and wrapped his fingers round Danielle's arm, his hand fitting round her wrist. He didn't want to drag her out but he could see no other way to get her out of the cab. Danielle slid across the seat as Charlie gently leaned further in and wrapped his arms round her shoulders, guiding her out of the cab and onto the street. This situation seemed slightly familiar to Charlie, he remembered the times he had dragged a drunken Stacey out of the cab after a heavy nights drinking. But this was different, with Stacey he knew the cause and reason for her state but Danielle was frail and lost, she had not said a single word on the car journey home.

As they reached The Vic doors Roxy took one last glancing look round the square. As her eyes glanced past Ronnie's flat she noticed that there was a black cab pulled up outside, something that had not been there only moments before. Through the crowds Roxy could see Charlie and then a small blonde figure clinging desperately to him. Roxy's heart race quickened, her mouth opened before she had a chance to think. "Danielle" Roxy called without being sure of the identity of the figure she was shouting at. But as her voice boomed through the Square she got the confirmation she needed, the girl's head shot up and Roxy got a glimpse of her niece's face. "DANIELLE" Roxy screamed again, this time louder and a scream of joy rather than possibility and desperation.

Ronnie still felt like she was in a trance, stuck in a nightmare that had cruelly dragged her further and further away from the real world and any hope of finding her daughter. She could feel her feet and legs moving but she didn't know why or where to. Through the fog and confusion of her thoughts and worries she heard her sister saying Danielle's name, the pain of even hearing her name pierced through Ronnie. But then she heard Roxy say Danielle's name again, her tone more firm yet at the same time laced with joy and surprise. Ronnie's heart started to race quicker as she turned her head to see what Roxy was looking at.

After beating out of her chest Ronnie's heart stopped for a second as she took a sharp intake of breath. Her eyes were playing tricks on her she thought as she locked eyes with Danielle across the square, her beautiful little girl who Ronnie had feared was lost forever was standing right before her.

Danielle's caught sight of Roxy and then Ronnie. Even through the crowds Danielle could see how upset and distressed Ronnie looked, her beautiful mother looked uncharacteristically lost and afraid. The fear and panic over Ronnie that had been driving Danielle further and further away from her mother over recent weeks slipped away, the person Danielle loved more than anyone in the world was standing before her. She needed her and Danielle could no longer deny that she needed Ronnie too.

Shock soon turned to delight and joy for Ronnie as Danielle pulled away from Charlie and started to walk towards her. Ronnie did the same, the two meeting in the middle of the Square. The second Danielle was in reach Ronnie threw her arms around her, the pair melting into each other's bodies as Ronnie kept her arms wrapped tightly around Danielle's boney back.

Intrigued onlookers had started to stare, gentle whispers started to travel round the crowds. Ronnie could see and smell the dirt and mud in Danielle's hair and on her clothes but she didn't mention it, neither spoke as they sobbed uncontrollably onto each other's shoulder. Ronnie had her little girl back and in this moment nothing else mattered.


	16. Chapter 16

**PLEASE REVIEW, ANY COMMENTS OR FEEDBACK ARE MUCH APPRECIATED THANKS **

The cold water ran down Danielle's cheek as she felt the mud and dirt wash away. Ronnie softly brushed a flannel round her daughter's face, letting her fingers run over Danielle's facial features, she noted every scratch, every mark and speck of dirt.

Ronnie was bent down in front of Danielle, her knees firmly resting on the bathroom floor as Danielle sat on the toilet seat. The room felt empty and cold; two shells of people that had drifted so far apart that it had taken an act so dramatic to unite them; love, worry and fear forcing them together and holding their fragile relationship in piece.

All that could be heard was the dripping of the tap as Ronnie dampened the flannel once again, she was mesmerised and slightly terrified as she watched the dirt and droplets of blood wash away. Once Ronnie finished with the flannel she placed it to one side and ran her palm over Danielle's now clean face. The dirt and mud may have gone but her cheeks and forehead were still red raw and tear stained; she could feel the pain and hurt seeping from every wound and cut.

Ronnie ran her hands down Danielle's torso until she reached the bottom of her jumper, her hands wet and covered in mud. She began to lift up Danielle's top; her daughter's arms still hung by her side so Ronnie lifted one arm up and then the next as she removed Danielle's sodden jumper. As she gripped Danielle's arm to lift it Ronnie was terrified by how limp it was, her arms lifeless and cold.

Ronnie removed piece after piece of Danielle's clothes, each garment peeling off Danielle's skin. She removed layer after layer to expose the bare and fragile surface. Ronnie had always longed to be a mother and since they had been reunited Ronnie had relished the moments when she could mother Danielle; hold her when she shed a tear over Stacey or even when she kissed her forehead goodnight when the nightmares had overwhelmed her. But no part of Ronnie was enjoying this; her heart ached as she began to wash Danielle's body down.

Ronnie had worried about Danielle for so long but for the first time the true scale of the terrifying truth was sitting before her. Her body was limb and fragile, her bones exposed and skin tarnished with bruises and cuts. The evidence of the pain and anguish was clear but Ronnie couldn't comprehend how and why Danielle had got this bad. She knew Danielle had been suffering, the sorrow over Stacey and James amongst other things had been dragging her down but to see the harm she was doing to herself horrified Ronnie. She couldn't bear to look at the purple bruises that covered Danielle's stomach; the unsightly blemishes made Ronnie feel sick.

But as she ran the wet sponge over Danielle's skin Ronnie also felt guilty, she may have been there for Danielle now but in Ronnie's mind, she was cleaning up the mess she let happen in the first place. Ronnie couldn't help but scream at herself inside her head, she had let Danielle's problems manifest when she could and more importantly should of done something. Ronnie had brushed her fears under the carpet; she had selfishly let herself be convinced that Danielle was happy, that she was looking after her little girl properly.

Over recent weeks Danielle may have been pulling away from Ronnie, the guilt and shame of even a loving smile or gentle touch making her feel terrible but now, sitting on the toilet seat in only her underwear as Ronnie washed her down made Danielle realise that she not only wanted Ronnie, but she needed her. She may have inflicted the pain upon herself but Danielle knew she didn't have the strength to pick herself back up.

Ronnie was washing away the dirt but Danielle could still feel the anguish and fear lingering inside of her, she let Ronnie pour cold water over her and then gently dry her but Danielle knew that things wouldn't get any easier; on the surface things may be cleaner and better but underneath the pain and dirt still remained.

Ronnie dropped the towel to the floor once she was done and just looked up at Danielle; her brown eyes flickered once again, they no longer seemed so lost and empty, a glimmer of comfort and love could be seen. A single tear caught on Danielle's eye lashes and rolled down her left cheek. Even this tear, a show of emotion that signified pain made Ronnie's heart jump slightly in her chest. It may not have been a smile or a word but it was a sign that her daughter was still there, even if the real Danielle was hidden away, masked behind her bruises and painful silence.

Ronnie arced her head up and placed her hand on the back of Danielle's head. She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against Danielle's cold forehead, keeping them there as she closed her eyes and she too also let a tear roll down her cheek. Danielle unwittingly leaned in closer, letting the warmth of Ronnie's lips linger on her forehead.

Ronnie's head slowly pulled away from Danielle, her lips peeling from her daughter's skin. She moved her mouth closer to Danielle's ear. "I'm going to get you some clothes and a drink" Ronnie whispered softly in Danielle's ear. Ronnie didn't need to whisper, no one else was in ear shot or even in the flat but Danielle felt so fragile and unstable that Ronnie impulsively made every move gentle, every word spoken quiet so she didn't alarm or upset Danielle further.

Ronnie rose from her knees and as she left the room she picked up the towel from the floor, gently closing the door behind her. Danielle was left alone, a figure now clean and warm yet still very much stained by the pain and secret she still kept hidden.

Ronnie entered Danielle's bedroom, still clutching the towel. She moved over to the chest of drawers and pulled out a pair of jogging bottoms and hoodie. She took a deep breath as she momentarily buried her head in the cotton, trying to take in Danielle's scent over the smell of fabric softener and washing powder. She laid the clothes out of the bed, straightening down the trouser legs to remove any creases. She neatly folded the top and trousers together before picking up the worn pyjamas that Danielle's had thrown aside earlier that day.

Ronnie took a moment to sit down, already drained and tired so early in the day by the emotions and worry over what had erupted inside of her in the past few hours. The towel and pyjamas still hung over her arms as she held her arms close to her chest. Ronnie glanced round the room, her eyes travelling over any sign on imperfection or worry to take in the colours, toys and pictures.

The room portrayed such happiness and warmth but as much as Ronnie wanted to get lost in such a thought she reminded herself that it was such delusion that had got her into this mess in the first place. She lifted up her arms to her neck, the cotton of the towel and pyjamas now pressing against her face.

Ronnie ignored the fact that the towel was covered in dirt, mud and splatters of her daughter's dried blood or that she could smell the sweat on the worn pyjamas. Ronnie clung to the garments, dropping her head as she wept into the fabric, the towel and pyjamas muffling her wails as the worry and fear over what Danielle had done, the guilt over what she hadn't done and the panic over what she should do next became too much.


	17. Chapter 17

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Danielle lay in bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling; the duvet that Ronnie had wrapped tightly around her starting to suffocate her. Danielle wasn't sure whether Ronnie had wrapped her up so tightly out of love or out of fear that she might run away again. Danielle thrashed her legs around until the duvet loosened around her body. Lying in bed alone with only her thoughts for company was the one place Danielle didn't want to be but Ronnie had insisted.

Danielle had noticed that Ronnie had been crying when she came back from the bedroom with some clothes for her. Ronnie may have tried to hide her emotion by wiping away her tears but her tear stained cheeks and reddened eyes were enough to give the game away. Danielle felt even worse that she had made Ronnie cry so when she insisted Danielle go straight back to bed she didn't fight back or argue, she simply let her mother slip the jogging bottoms and hoodie on and lead her to bed.

The image of her mother's sad and tear-stained face caught in her mind; the guilt and sorrow swirled around inside her, it felt like a million stab wounds into an already fragile heart. Lost in her own thoughts, Danielle was interrupted by a timid knock on the door. She had expected Ronnie to barge in like she normally did, not wait for a response. But this time she just heard a single knock, and then another until Danielle said "yes".

Ronnie reluctance to enter made Danielle worry, was Ronnie scared of her? Danielle just wanted Ronnie to be herself, she had been with her long enough to know that the normal Ronnie wouldn't wait for a response; she would come bounding in with a smile on her face and a hundred things that she wanted to say. But this time Ronnie was different, shy and timid. Had she done this to her own mother, had she worn her down? Danielle thought.

"I have made you some soup" Ronnie said meekly, walking in cautiously step by step before placing the tray down on Danielle's lap. Danielle was mesmerised by Ronnie's change in behaviour, her soft voice and worried expression. Ronnie looked tired Danielle thought, her brow furrowed, mouth downturned and with bags under her eyes.

"Thanks" Danielle replied, glancing back from the soup to Ronnie, who was now sat on the end of her bed. Danielle could see Ronnie's eyes fixated on her, she had expected Ronnie to hand over the soup and leave but she wasn't. Ronnie was glues to the end of the bed, waiting for Danielle to starting eating.

"Did you make this yourself?" Danielle asked, her tone slightly surprised and sarcastic as she tried to lighten the mood whilst also trying to avoid eating the soup for as long as possible. "No, it's out of a tin" Ronnie said coldly, she forced a quick smile to acknowledge Danielle's attempt at humour.

The room fell silent once again. Ronnie and Danielle both looked at each other, waiting for either person to make the first move. Danielle began to stir the spoon around the bowl, playing with her food as she felt her heart rate quicken. The thought of eating even soup made Danielle feel queasy but with Ronnie sat before her, clearly not moving until she did made Danielle start to realise she may not have any other choice.

After stirring the soup round and round Danielle took a deep breath, she glanced up at Ronnie who was still staring expectantly at her and then lifted up a spoonful of soup to her mouth and swallowed. Danielle could feel her mouth burning, raw and tender from the damage she had caused as the warm soup slipped down her throat. She ate another spoonful and another, quickening her pace in the hope that this experience would soon be over.

After four painful mouthfuls Danielle paused, dropping the spoon on the tray. "Can you give me a minute mum" Danielle asked. Danielle could see Ronnie processing her words, trying to think of an answer. "Just finish the bowl and then I will leave you to rest" Ronnie said, trying to sound authoritative in the hope that it would cover the fear in her voice.

"Please, I'm not hungry" Danielle replied desperately. She could see that Ronnie was trying to stay strong but usually a tear or wide eyed expression from Danielle would make Ronnie give in. "Just one more mouthful" Ronnie said, not wanting to give in completely but finding the lost and almost terrified expression on Danielle's face too much to bear. Danielle brought the spoon up to her mouth again, letting the liquid fall off the metal and onto her tongue. She was reluctant to swallow until the doorbell made both Ronnie and Danielle jump.

Reluctantly Ronnie left the room and as soon as the door was closed Danielle spat the soup out into a mug of water that sat on the tray. Danielle felt relieved that she didn't have to eat the final mouthful and that Ronnie had been forced to leave her alone. She had wanted Ronnie with her, from the moment they had got back to the flat Danielle had longed for Ronnie to hold her tight and tell her everything was going to be ok. But the forced introduction of food had made the situation more complicated; another element that once again had thwarted their relationship.

Ronnie opened the door to be greeted by Peggy and Ben. "Ronnie love, how are you?" Peggy said as she made her way past Ronnie and into the flat before Ronnie had time to stop her. "Hey Aunty Peg and Ben" Ronnie said, looking over Peggy's shoulder to see Ben playing on his gameboy, he looked up momentarily to smile in response before dropping his head down back to his game. He looked like he wanted to be at the flat as much as Ronnie wanted them both there.

"What are you doing here?" Ronnie asked slightly puzzled by their spontaneous visit. "We thought we would just pop over and say hello, see how you both are doing?" Peggy said warmly, but her eyes darted around the hallway so she didn't have to look Ronnie directly in the eye. "Roxy sent you didn't she?" Ronnie asked bluntly. Peggy looked up, ready to fire back a response but the slightly annoyed and clearly clued up expression on Ronnie's face stopped her.

"You're sister is just worried about you and Danielle" Peggy said gently, hoping not to anger Ronnie. "So she sent you over to check up on us" Ronnie fired back, annoyed that her family were poking their noses in when it was not necessary, even though she knew it was only because they cared.

"Well she had her hands full with Amy, right little madam that one is turning out to be. And she said you were in a bit of a state earlier" Peggy tried to reason with a frustrated Ronnie. "I was just worried about Danielle but its fine now, were both fine" Ronnie said, hoping to cover up the lie and fear with her firm tone.

"Well then a nice cup of tea won't hurt will it" Peggy said before tottering up the stairs in her heels, followed by Ben and Ronnie. As they made their way into the front room Ronnie began to realise that whilst Peggy and Ben's visit was an unexpected hassle, it could work as a nice distraction. Danielle was most likely resting so a cup of tea and brief chat with her family could help take her mind off her worries and fears over her daughter.

"So how is school going Ben?" Ronnie said sharply. They had sat down on the chairs in the living room, mugs of tea in hand and immediately as they were comfortable Ronnie knew Peggy would start the interrogation. "Yeah ok" Ben said, shrugging as he displayed his lack of interest in starting up a conversation. Ben was still the sweet and kind boy who loved musicals and dancing but over the last two years he had grown up and has he moved into his teenage years he had started to develop an attitude; a spark of Mitchell moodiness that had been missing before.

"So how is she?" It was the inevitable question that Ronnie had been waiting from the minute Peggy had announced her arrival. "She's fine, just resting" Ronnie said awkwardly. She thought it was sweet that her family cared enough but she wanted to resist letting the conversation slip back to Danielle; if she started to talk about her worries and fears Ronnie worried that she would never stop and the pain would erupt inside her once again.

"What happened earlier love, Roxy said Danielle was in quite a state" Peggy asked, concerned and slightly intrigued by her family member's condition. "She just got a bit upset and she is not feeling great" Ronnie let the excuses fall of her tongue when truthfully she didn't know the reason why, she hadn't had the courage to confront Danielle when she was in such a fragile state. Ronnie wanted to know the truth but she didn't know whether she could hear it.

As the possible reasons for Danielle's actions once again began to erupt in Ronnie's mind she felt a single tear roll down her cheek. She hadn't wanted to show emotion or let her true feelings surface but however much she tried not to, Ronnie couldn't stop thinking or worrying about Danielle. Ronnie quickly dapped the lone tear off from her cheek, hoping that Peggy and Ben wouldn't notice but it was too late.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Peggy said, rushing over to sit next to Ronnie. Ben looked u from his gameboy, confused as to why Peggy was now comforting a clearly upset Ronnie. "I'm sorry, it's just been a hard day" Ronnie admitted, accepting the offer of comfort as she let Peggy wrap her arms around her shoulder.

"Ben love, go and see Danielle. Check she is ok" Peggy asked, sensing that Ben was both uncomfortable with the developing situation and that also he didn't need to hear the intimate details of Danielle's situation, whatever it may be.

Ben knocked cautiously at the door once and then twice when he got no response. "Danielle" He muttered. Ben didn't want Danielle to respond and let him in but he was stuck, stuck between an awkward and unwanted situation in the living room to the same problem he was sure to encounter in with Danielle in her bedroom. He left uncomfortable about entering Danielle's room, they may have been family and she always seemed kind and sweet, but they rarely talked or interacted. As Ben grew up he started to realise the true extent of the Mitchell family's problems and so he avoided family dramas whenever possible.

Ben reluctantly knocked again. "What!" Danielle barked, she had ignored previous knocks and the sound of her name being called but the persistent behaviour of her unwanted guest finally made Danielle snap. "I'm sorry, I will go away" She recognised Ben's voice timidly say. "No, no come in" Danielle called out apologetically, she had immediately felt guilty about losing her temper and she was also slightly puzzled and intrigued by Ben's surprising visit.

"Hey Ben" Danielle said, trying to sound chirpy and pleased to see him. "Hey" Ben replied shyly. "Sorry about before, Gran sent me" Ben said, rolling his eyes sarcastically. For the first time that day Danielle managed a natural smile.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I've just had a hard day" Danielle said apologetically, ushering Ben through the door and into her room. "Funny, Ronnie just said the same thing" Ben said jokingly. Danielle was warmed by the suggested similarities to her mother but it made her wonder what Ronnie was saying to Peggy. "So Aunty Peggy made you come over right?" Danielle asked, a gentle smile now formed across her face. "Yeah something like that. You know what she gets like when she gets an idea in her head" Ben joked, causing Danielle to laugh out loud. As the atmosphere softened and the conversation started to flow Danielle began to feel content in Ben's company. He had no expectations or agendas, neither really knew who the other was or what they had been through in their young lives but Danielle and Ben managed to hold a conversation even though the situation had been unexpectedly forced upon them.


	18. Chapter 18

**PLEASE REVIEW – ANY COMMENTS OR FEEDBACK WELCOME THANKS. **

"What really happened?" Peggy asked bluntly as Ronnie composed herself once again. "I don't know. I just don't know anymore" Ronnie admitted, shaking her head. "I know she is upset but it's like she is not there anymore. One minute she smiles and tells me everything is fine and the next I find her in the middle of the street covered in mud and bruises" Ronnie dropped her head in her hands. She had never intended to open up to Peggy, but the offer support and someone ready to listen lead to her emotions spilling out. They may not be the closest or more conventional family in Walford but Ronnie always knew that the Mitchells' would listen.

Peggy was shocked by Ronnie's admission. "I don't understand, why was she covered in mud and bruises?" Peggy asked tentatively, not wanting to upset Ronnie more. "She is so thin Aunty Peg. I could feel her rib cage, the bones sticking out of her skin" Peggy's facial expression gradually changed to one of shock and horror as Ronnie explained the discoloured bruises and frail appearance of Danielle. "And I wanted to say something to her, ask her about it but I was so terrified about it. I felt so sick just looking at her, how terrible is that. I felt sick looking at my own daughter!" Ronnie exclaimed, looking at Peggy wide eyed and teary.

"You need to talk to her about this, talk to someone. A professional maybe?" Peggy asked. "But she won't speak to me and I am so scared about what she will say that the words just stick in my throat" Ronnie said. "Why are you scared?" Peggy asked, gently resting her hand on Ronnie's knee. "I am scared that she will say it is all my fault, that I let her down and pushed her away, That I made her do this" Ronnie admitted, ashamed by what she saw as her failings as a mother.

"Don't be silly. You are a fantastic mother. Danielle knows how much you love her" Peggy said, lifting up Ronnie's tear stained face to look at hers. "No but she would be right. I made her do this; I let her down and didn't look after her properly!" Ronnie cried, almost screaming at Peggy from behind the wall of tears now flooding her cheeks.

Peggy had both of her hands on Ronnie's knees, desperately trying to calm her but with no success. "With my Phil, we have had our problems. The drinking, the fights, the women and I have blamed myself. Even though I never properly admitted it I always thought that I pushed him to all of it, that all his problems were my fault. I convinced myself I was a bad mother; with Phil, Grant and then Sam." Peggy explained, tears also now brimming in her eyes as she opened up to Ronnie.

"But even though I know I let him down, let them all down at some point, I realised you have to stay strong for your kids because when they need you more than ever you can't be sitting here feeling sorry for yourself. They will push you away but part of being a parent is not giving up. I never gave up on my Phil, even when things got so bad that I felt like crawling up into bed and never waking up. Just be there for her Ronnie, even if she doesn't say a word or is she screams and throws stuff at you. Just be there and never leave." Ronnie was now listening eagerly to Peggy's speech; she nodded at intervals as she let her words sink in.

Peggy held Ronnie tightly as she felt her heart rate lessen, her arm gradually beginning to stop shaking as she wiped back the tears from her eyes. "What about Danielle's adoptive father, Andy or her brother?" Peggy asked, the conversation taken a sudden and unexpected change in direction. "I can't phone them, they haven't spoken in months" Ronnie replied. Peggy brow furrowed at Ronnie's answer. "Why?" She asked. "She doesn't like talking about them. Danielle always says they drifted apart, I have given up asking now" Ronnie muttered, shrugging her shoulders.

As Ronnie explained Danielle's family situation in Telford she began to realise herself how alone Danielle really was. With everything that had happened, after all the time that had passed Ronne had been blinded to the fact that her daughter had so few people to turn too. Danielle had lost her best friend, her adoptive family and the man she loved. Apart from her connections to the Mitchell family that had developed from her reunion with Ronnie Danielle had no one. The only person that Danielle truly had was Ronnie.

Ben and Danielle had been talking constantly; both engrossed and entertained by what the other was saying. Ben would make jokes about living with three Mitchell women, making Danielle giggle as she hid the pains in her stomach by pressing her hand against her flesh under her duvet. Danielle talked about living with Ronnie, the Mitchell family offering many comical stories for them both to share.

But there were moments when the conversation would freeze, when one would accidentally move the talk onto uncomfortable matters. Ben had asked about where Danielle had grown up by Danielle hurried past the subject, insisting that Walford was her home now and that was all that mattered. Whilst when Danielle had joked about the women in Phil's life she noticed Ben's face tense up, wanting to avoid mentioning Stella, Danielle moved on and asked about Ben's school and his relationship with now girlfriend Abi Branning.

As they talked further Danielle felt her head drop back as the pillow slid down the headboard. Danielle leaned forward so she could reach her pillow but as she shuffled her body up Danielle suddenly felt light headed, her arms felt lifeless as they dropped onto the mattress. "Danielle!" Ben asked, concerned as the colour drained from Danielle's face, her eyes clouding over as her head began to droop to the side. "I'm fine" Danielle muttered, snapping her head back up and holding her palm to her forehead to wipe back the beads of sweat as she tried to regain focus. "Are you sure, you looked like you were going to faint" Ben said, puzzled and concerned by Danielle's condition. "No no I'm fine. I just felt a bit light headed for a second, it's just because I'm not feeling great that's all" Danielle lied, trying to sound confident and assured in what she was saying.

"Shall I go and get Ronnie?" Ben asked. "No! No sorry. Really I'm fine. I think I just need more rest" Danielle snapped back instantly. She had enjoyed Ben's company by her sudden turn had scared Danielle. Over recent weeks Danielle had developed a sense of control over what she was doing; she was choosing not to eat and she was making herself sick. But now she could feel the control slipping; the damage she had caused was now starting to take control of her and that terrified Danielle.

Ben took the hint and rose to his feet from his position at the end of the bed. "Well I will be off then, make sure Gran hasn't driven Ronnie mad by now" He joked, trying to cover up the now tense atmosphere with a joke. "Yeah" Danielle replied vaguely, nodding her head whilst offering a small smile to Ben. "And Ben, don't tell Ronnie about what just happened please. She will just worry" Danielle asked, hoping desperately that Ben would agree without protest. Ben offered a small nod as he left the room; Danielle's now composed appearance diffused Ben's concerns about her condition and he was reluctant to get involved in anymore Mitchell family dramas.

Danielle felt bad as Ben left the room; her sudden turn had derailed the conversation but as soon as he shut the door behind him Danielle's mind started to explode with worry and questions. What would have happened if she had fainted? Would Ronnie find out the truth? Not for the first time Danielle found herself questioning what she was doing to herself and the damage it was not only causing her, but her family as well.

Ronnie followed Ben and Peggy down the stairs and towards the front door. As Ben left; offering a smile and a wave as a goodbye to Ronnie, Peggy stopped suddenly, turning on her heels to face Ronnie. "Oh I nearly forgot. I wanted to give you this" Peggy said, rummaging through her leather handbag to pull out a white plastic bag. Peggy passed the bag to a confused Ronnie, who reached inside to pull out a photo.

"It was taken ages ago I know but I thought it was such a lovely photo of you and Danielle" Peggy enthused as Ronnie's eyes stayed clued to the faces looking back up at her from the photo. It was a picture of herself and Danielle, taken at a family get together at The Vic. Ronnie was sitting on the arm of the sofa with Danielle next to her on the sofa cushion. Danielle's head was resting on Ronnie's legs with Ronnie's hand cupping around Danielle's head. But it wasn't the positions or surroundings that entrapped Ronnie's gaze it was their faces. Danielle and Ronnie both wore a beaming and wide smile; happily posing for the camera as their faces mirrored each other.

"Give Danielle my love" Peggy said lightly, kissing Ronnie's cheek as she followed Ben out the door. Peggy wasn't sure if Ronnie had noticed her leaving, her niece seemed too engrossed by the happy memories the picture presented.

Ronnie was mesmerised by the picture, she had noticed Peggy leaving but she didn't want to take her eyes of Danielle. She couldn't take her eyes of a happy Danielle, a healthy Danielle. Ronnie longed for this scene again; for Danielle to be content and happy and for her daughter to be able to lean on her. Ronnie still didn't fully understand the severity of the situation but with Peggy's words and the smiling faces from the picture fresh in her mind Ronnie was now sure she needed to act; however terrifying the prospect was.


	19. Chapter 19

**PLEASE REVIEW, ANY COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK WELCOME THANKS **

Hours and days had slipped past, meals left uneaten and questions unanswered. Ronnie had refused to leave Danielle's side, she watched Danielle hobble around the flat during the day and she would sit perched on the end of Danielle's bed as she slept, too scared even to take her eyes off her for a second.

Another evening had arrived and Ronnie had called Danielle to the dinner table; sitting and eating a proper evening meal with Danielle was a routine that Ronnie had enforced. Although eating dinner in front of the TV, with Danielle curled up next to her was tempting for Ronnie; she knew that she had to act as a force of authority. Ronnie hoped she wasn't pushing Danielle too far but the fear had driven her to desperately try and take control, to help Danielle whatever way possible.

As she placed the plate on the table in front of Danielle she noticed her daughter's hand jar back, her body contort with tension. It was a puzzling reaction for Ronnie; Danielle seemed almost scared of the food presented to her. "What's wrong?" Ronnie asked, determined not to let any small sign of Danielle's discomfort pass by unmentioned.

"Nothing. I'm just a bit tired, that's all" Danielle lied, letting the words slip of her tongue as she felt the walls once again close in around her. "Eat up" Ronnie said, trying to sound cheery but at the same time firm as she drove her fork into the bowl of pasta. It pained Ronnie to see Danielle so despondent, she wanted to break down and embrace Danielle but she knew she had to stay strong. "Dan, please eat" Ronnie said, her tone unchanged and brow furrowed as she agonised over the awkward situation that was developing.

Danielle's eyes had not left Ronnie's, she didn't want to look at the plate of food and her mother's strict gaze was almost hypnotic. Danielle noted her mother's furrowed brow, her narrowed eyes and downturned mouth. She could see how uncomfortable Ronnie looked, the tension now running through her body as well.

With Ronnie looking on, Danielle tentatively picked up her fork and picked up a pasta shell, bringing it to her lips as she let it slide down her throat. Neither spoke as they both ate, the accomplishment of a finished meal seemed like a small yet significant step forward for Ronnie. But as Danielle forced another forkful of pasta down her throat, she realised just how trapped she had become, how far Ronnie would go to keep an eye on her.

Ronnie had finished her meal and she was now solely concentrating on Danielle, watching the beads of sweat roll down Danielle's forehead as she finished her last mouthful. After leaving the plates in the sink Ronnie and Danielle moved over to the sofa. Ronnie was sitting upright with Danielle lying flat out across the sofa, her head resting on Ronnie's lap as she faced the television.

The ten o'clock news had just appeared on screen, a cheery news anchor ready to deliver the latest events clouding the world and people's lives. Despite the fact that Ronnie and Danielle had their eyes on the television, both paid little attention to what they were watching, the dull hum a background noise as they got lost in their moment of comfort and warmth.

Ronnie relished being close to Danielle; her daughter seemingly content and lying peacefully on her lap. And whilst Danielle may have initially been hesitant about lying so close to Ronnie after the dis-comfort of the meal she had soon relaxed into Ronnie's lap.

As the credits of the news rolled and adverts started to appear on screen, Danielle glanced up at Ronnie. Danielle couldn't help but giggle to herself at the sight of Ronnie's head leant back on the sofa; her mouth wide open and eyes tight shut as she snored quietly. It wasn't the most pleasant of views for Danielle as she looked up at Ronnie's nostrils but Danielle was happy to see Ronnie peacefully resting.

As Danielle nestled her head back into Ronnie's lap she felt her stomach lurch, she could feel the food she had consumed earlier sitting in the pit of her stomach; a sickening reminder of what she had been doing to herself. Danielle took another glance up to check Ronnie was still fast asleep and carefully peeled herself away from Ronnie and the sofa. She didn't want to leave the security and warmth of her mother's lap but she could feel the pain and fear festering away inside of her, she needed to act before it took control of her once again.

Danielle headed for the bathroom and quietly shut the door behind her; lifting up the toilet seat she bent down onto the cold bathroom floor again.

As Ronnie re-adjusted herself she felt her head droop down, sliding down the back of the sofa. As she shuffled her legs to get comfortable once again she had expected to feel a weight pressed against them, she had expected to feel the warmth of her daughter's skin and the sensation of her soft breathing against her legs but there was nothing, Ronnie was alone.

Ronnie stretched her arms and shoulders back as she stood up; shaking off any signs of tiredness as she went in search of Danielle. Ronnie was alerted to the presence of her daughter as she arrived at the closed bathroom door. "Dan" Ronnie called out as she gently tapped her fist against the door. There was no response; no muffled and hurried answer, just silence; a deliberate and staged silence that worried Ronnie.

"Dan, open the door!" Ronnie called again, her fist hitting the wood harder and her tone more frantic. "Dan!" Ronnie screamed, not waiting to see if her daughter replied again. She thrust her body against the door, hoping that the object that was blocking her path to Danielle would just miraculously collapse.

"Open the door now!" Ronnie demanded her voice firm and desperate as scenes of despair and horror at what was behind the door flashed through her mind. She stepped back, readying herself to drive her shoulder against the door again but as she reached her target the door opened and Ronnie stumbled into the bathroom, struggling to keep her balance.

"What are you doing?" Danielle asked as Ronnie stood in front of her, straightening herself up. Unbeknown to Ronnie Danielle had being doing the same thing seconds earlier. As Ronnie had been beating her fist against the door Danielle had dragged herself off the floor and put the toilet seat down, flushing away the evidence. She frantically washed her hands and rubbed toothpaste across her teeth and gums, hoping to conceal the smell of sick that laced her mouth.

"What have you been doing?" Ronnie cried, her eyes darting round the bathroom for signs of trouble or wrong doing. But instead she was greeted by a clean and tidy bathroom and a composed and slightly bemused Danielle standing before her. "I was on the loo, you will have to let me pee without watching mum" Danielle tried to joke.

"Don't joke about this Dan, I thought you were doing something stupid" Ronnie shot back, unimpressed and concerned by Danielle's light-hearted response. "Like what?" Danielle replied instantly. It was not the response Danielle had wanted to give but the words had carelessly slipped off her tongue. She wasn't sure if she was challenging her mum to answer the question, reveal the truth and lift the burden of guilt and secrecy that had been weighing Danielle down or if, in the heat of the moment she was trying to silence her mum.

As Ronnie stared back at her, equally confused, Danielle broke the silence. "So I can't even go to the loo without you standing over me now mum?" Danielle said, her tone slightly sarcastic as she became annoyed by the presence and building accusations from Ronnie.

"No I didn't say that! I was just worried about you that's all" Ronnie said, trying to soften the tone as she noticed Danielle become annoyed. "Well don't be, I'm fine" Danielle said, offering Ronnie a small smile for false comfort in the hope that Ronnie would walk away.

"You're not though are you?" Ronnie almost whispered under her breath, although her hushed tone still registered with Danielle. "I AM FINE" Danielle screamed back, her voice high pitched and loud. But as she screamed at her mother Danielle felt her throat burning; her desperate screams causing her to flinch as the pain in her throat became unbearable. "And I would be even better if you left me alone" Danielle croaked, now hoping to finish the argument as soon as possible.

But Ronnie stayed firm; her body didn't flinch as Danielle's cries echoed round the bathroom. "JUST GO!" Danielle cried again, the ferocious pain from her throat causing tears to brim in her eyes. As the final two words shot from her mouth Danielle felt her body go weak, the life and little energy left drained away suddenly as she felt her head go cloudy. She tried desperately to stay on her feet but her knees went weak.

Ronnie watched on as the scene rapidly unfolded before her. One moment Danielle was angry, desperate and frantic; the next the colour drained from her face as her knees buckled and she slumped to the floor. "DANIELLE" Ronnie cried as she shot down to her daughter's side; crouched in front of Danielle's lifeless and cold body.


	20. Chapter 20

**PLEASE REVIEW, ANY COMMENTS OR FEEDBACK ARE WELCOME THANKS **

Her body was cold. Her limbs were numb and lifeless. Her face was drained of colour. Ronnie looked down at the fragile body of her daughter helplessly. "Danielle please" Ronnie cried desperately again, shaking her body and then clasping Danielle's ghostly white cheeks in her handS tightly.

Ronnie knew first aid; she had dealt with so many drunken fools who had collapsed in her club yet now when it really mattered, her mind was so muddled and in a state of panic that she struggled to think straight. Ronnie frantically checked her pockets, even scrambling on the bathroom floor in search of her phone but it was nowhere to be found. Ronnie let out a scream in fear and panic as she stayed hunched over Danielle's body.

Ronnie tried to remember her first aid training as her eyes stayed locked on Danielle's body. She turned Danielle onto her back and propped her feet on a small box of toiletries sitting in the corner. She grabbed a damp flannel that hanged over the edge of the sink and placed it gently on Danielle's forehead.

With Danielle still not awake Ronnie knew she needed to call for help soon but she couldn't bear to leave Danielle; she wanted to lie with her daughter and take in her scent, her warmth. Ronnie closed her eyes tightly shut and started praying for Danielle to wake up. Seconds started to feel like minutes, minutes started to feel like hours as happiness started to drain away for Ronnie to be replaced by fear and confusion.

With Ronnie sprawled over her chest sobbing Danielle's eyelids fluttered; each one gently opening and closing simultaneously. She struggled to make out shapes and movements, the scene blurred before she started to regain focus as she took in her alarming surroundings and situation. Whilst she felt the cold bathroom tiles against her back she could feel the warmth and weight of a person's body spread across her, Ronnie's distinctive golden locks resting across her neck.

Ronnie stayed sobbing against Danielle's chest, she had got lost in the comfort of her daughter's skin against her own. Ronnie gradually opened her eyes, ready to reluctantly peel herself from Danielle in search of a phone until she felt her daughter shuffle uncomfortably.

"Danielle!" Ronnie cried, having to pull back slightly and stop herself suffocating her daughter as she threw herself towards Danielle's face. "Sweetie, are you ok?" Ronnie asked desperately, cupping Danielle's cheek in her hands. "Talk to me Dan" Ronnie softly pleaded. "Mum" Danielle stuttered, her voice raspy and strained. Ronnie let out a huge sigh of relief, bending down to kiss Danielle's cheek.

After letting Danielle regain her composure as she lay down on the floor, Ronnie managed to lift Danielle to her feet and throw her limb arm over her shoulder. She dragged her daughter to her bed, trying to block out the painful sound of Danielle coughing and struggling for breath as she carefully lifted Danielle onto the mattress and laid her down on top of the duvet.

"I'm going to get you a water and then call the doctor" Ronnie stated firmly, ready to turn and leave only momentarily before she felt a familiar yet eerily cold touch press against her wrist. She looked down to see Danielle's spindly fingers trying to grip against her wrist but only managing to rest against her skin. "Stay please" Danielle muttered meekly, but when her voice lacked clarity or emotion Ronnie could see the desperation and sadness swarming in Danielle's brown eyes.

"Ok" Ronnie replied quietly, repositioning herself on the side of Danielle's bed as she worried about how close she should get to her daughter. Whilst she longed to hold Danielle tightly and protect her, Ronnie was terrified of how fragile she looked and Danielle's current state of mind after the argument and what had just happened.

Danielle took deep breaths, her breathing calming down as she sat silently in bed trying to understand what had just happened. Danielle vaguely remembered raising her voice at Ronnie but then darkness, her thoughts and worries were so muddled that she struggled to piece together what happened. Danielle desperately tried to control her breathing as she felt her heart race quicken; the lack of control and fear over what she had done to herself now forefront in her mind.

"What happened Dan?" Ronnie asked. She knew that Danielle was still fragile but Ronnie needed to ask, she needed to try and understand as frightening questions lingered in her mind. "What?" Danielle snapped back, the sound of Ronnie's voice reminding her that Ronnie was there as she got lost in her own pain.

"What happened back there? On minute you were ok and the next..." Ronnie voice trailed off as she pictured Danielle's dropping to the floor, the life and colour draining so quickly from her daughter's face that Ronnie had no time to act. "I just felt a bit light headed. I am just tired" Danielle replied, making little eye contact with Ronnie as her eyes stayed fixed downwards towards the floor.

"No! I saw you, that wasn't just tiredness. You looked...." Ronnie couldn't say the words; she couldn't voice what had been running through her mind when she had been hunched over Danielle's lifeless body. As Ronnie had to physically stop herself breaking down Danielle felt a rush of guilt; the impact of her actions visibly causing so much hurt made Danielle feel sick.

Danielle wanted to say something, find the right words that would offer comfort and reassurance to Ronnie but there were none. Danielle didn't have the strength to reveal the terrifying truth or the stomach to roll out another web of lies and deceit. Instead she stayed silent, her eyes wide with fear as she stayed trapped on the bed in front of Ronnie.

Ronnie took in Danielle's expression; the guilty and hurt stare in her eyes and the occasional twitch in her mouth as she seemed ready to say something. "Sweetie, has this happened before?" Ronnie asked. She wasn't sure where the question had come from yet she had managed to almost understand Danielle from her expression; the wide and saddened eyes showing the guilt and worry playing on her mind and the twitches of her mouth indicating that Danielle wanted to speak but the words had just got stuck in her throat.

Even though, in the present situation Ronnie felt completely lost and confused, she had grown to understand Danielle and try and work out what she was thinking. After everything that had happened in the two years Ronnie had the look of fear and panic on Danielle's face etched permanently in her mind. She liked to think she understood her daughter in some way after everything they had been through together; however painful and heartbreaking the memories were.

Danielle instantly looked down to the floor; she could barely admit to herself what had just happened yet alone to someone else. "Dan" Ronnie said forcefully, pushing Danielle's chin up so their eyes locked. "Please, just tell me the truth" Ronnie pleaded. Although Danielle's reaction had almost confirmed her fears she needed to hear Danielle say the words herself.

Ronnie stare was almost paralysing, her eyes burning into Danielle's as she could feel Ronnie' breath against her neck. She tried to pull her head back but Ronnie gripped tighter to her jaw, her lock intent and firm as she waited for an answer. Unable to pull away or force out another painful lie Danielle offered a small and pitiful nod, tears brimming in her eyes as Ronnie pulled back in shock and worry.

Danielle glanced up at Ronnie. She had felt fearful before; sick with worry but as Danielle looked at her mum she was sure she saw the shame and disgust that had been haunting Danielle. Instantly Danielle became convinced of Ronnie's hatred and repulsion of her; she had pulled away when Danielle longed for Ronnie to embrace her and tell her everything was going to be ok. With doubt, fear and confusion now overwhelming her Danielle needed Ronnie, she needed her mum more than ever.

"I'm going to call a doctor" Ronnie stuttered as tears rolled down her cheeks. Without a glance towards Danielle, she left the room. Ronnie hated leaving Danielle and she didn't want to seem uncaring but she knew she needed help, she had to call a doctor immediately; guiltily Ronnie knew she should have done weeks ago.


	21. Chapter 21

**PLEASE REVIEW, ANY COMMENTS OR FEEDBACK ARE WELCOME THANKS.**

Ronnie stood still; anxious and on edge she began to rub her toes into the carpet. She held a full glass of water in her hand, nervously waiting for his arrival. She had poured the water for Danielle but after letting the tap drip away she couldn't find the courage to even face her daughter. Looking into her daughter's lost and saddened brown eyes would only make Ronnie feel worse, make the guilt even more overwhelming. So she waited, she waited for help.

She heard him walking up the steps to the flat and gently knocking against the door, the deadly silence in the flat made every noise from outside clear and audible. Taking a deep breath Ronnie began her descent down the stairs. Whilst part of her wanted to rush to the door, beg the doctor to fix Danielle immediately so things could go back to the way they were another part wished she would never reach the bottom step; the prospect of a medical examination revealing a heartbreaking illness or problem with her little girl was too hard to even think about.

"Thanks for coming" Ronnie politely greeted the doctor as he entered the flat. Instead of calming her, his presence only made Ronnie feel more tense. "No problem Miss Mitchell, you sounded quite upset on the phone. How can I help?" Al asked kindly, setting his medical bag down on the floor as they reached the lounge.

Since his arrival two years ago Al had now got used to Walford life again and life as a doctor in Albert Square. Not a day went past when he didn't get pulled to one side by a local looking for medical advice or a plea for a home visit. Al had learnt that not getting personally involved was the best policy, dramas and problems seemed always to suck people in in Walford and Al had done his best to resist.

"It's Danielle, my daughter" Ronnie stated firmly, the two combined phrases slipping of her tongue instinctively. "She just fainted and has been unwell for a few weeks" Ronnie replied, the tone of concern and slight confusion clear in her voice as it became obvious the distress and worry over Danielle's condition was effecting Ronnie.

Al took in every word Ronnie was saying; the stutter of her voice as she became upset and the dropping of her shoulders as she spoke of Danielle's deterioration over the last few weeks. Despite the sadness and pain that she spoke about Al could see the love in Ronnie's eyes, a protective and endless love of a mother for her child. Ronnie noticed his penetrating and focused stare and despite the broad smile on his face she felt uneasy. It felt like he was studying her, examining her as she spoke about Danielle.

"Has she been eating and sleeping properly?" Al asked. Ronnie immediately snapped out of her gaze and muddle of thoughts, she needed to answer the doctor as best as possible for Danielle's sake. "Not really. She eats occasionally but never eats a lot, she seems to really struggle with her meals. And she does sleep but I can hear her stirring and moving around a few times in the night" Ronnie admitted, however much it pained her to speak about Danielle's problems she hoped that in the end it would help her daughter.

"Do you mind if I go and speak to Danielle now?" Al asked gently, unsure about Danielle's current condition. "Yeah she is in the bedroom" Ronnie replied, making her way to Danielle's bedroom door with Al following close behind. "Sweetie" Ronnie said cautiously as she tapped the door. "Al is here to speak to you" Ronnie continued as she slowly opened the door. Danielle didn't respond to Ronnie, she lay in the same position on her bed that Ronnie had left her. "He just wants to see if you're ok that's all, a quick chat" Ronnie said, hoping to get any sort of response or acknowledgement from Danielle. But she stayed silent and still; curled up tightly on her mattress.

"Do you mind" Al whispered as Ronnie pulled back from the doorframe defeated. Ronnie grudgingly stepped aside. "Danielle, I'm just here to have a chat. We can speak about whatever you want and if it gets too much then I will go" Al reassured Danielle. As Al spoke Danielle's began to open up, the vice of an impartial listener almost reassuring. Her head lifted up and legs stretched out as she gradually began to listen to what the doctor was saying. Wary of Ronnie's presence Danielle offered a small nod so Al proceeded further into her bedroom. As Al entered Ronnie went to follow, taking one step before he turned to face her.

"I think it's best if me and Danielle have a quick chat alone at the moment" Al said, trying to sound gentle and caring, whilst at the same time authoritative and professional. Hurt, Ronnie took a step back before the door closed firmly in her face. She stood alone, her right hand resting against the closed door with a single tears dropping of her eyes lashes and rolling down her cheek.

"So how are you feeling today Danielle?" Al asked gently, knowing that a sensitive approach was necessary. "Your mum said you fainted earlier" Al continued as Danielle lay on the bed; her body slightly more extended and open than before but she was still tense, ready to snap back and curl away at any second. "She seems really worried about you" Al said, hoping to coax Danielle into a conversation.

"Don't count on it" Danielle muttered. Al noticed how hoarse Danielle's voice sounded; how cold and angry she seemed. "Well she asked me to come and have a chat, so she obviously cares about you" Danielle registered his words. How could this stranger have taken Ronnie's side, believed her when she pretended she cared? The anger built up inside of Danielle as she pictured that look in Ronnie's eyes, the look of shame she was sure she had seen.

Danielle struggled to lift her torso up, dragging herself to the headboard as Al watched on. He noticed the tension in Danielle's limbs; the effort she had put in just to drag herself upright. Face to face Al now saw the pronounced cheek bones and thin face, her pale white cheeks and blotchy skin. As Danielle rearranged her bed linen around her body he took in the sight of her weak limbs, each painfully thin arm lifeless and dropped to her side as she shuffled in between the sheets.

"Danielle, I need you to tell me what happened earlier" Al began now that Danielle seemed in position to talk. He was unsure about what she was thinking but the fact that she had taken the time and effort to drag herself upright meant that he had more of a chance.

"I just felt a bit lightheaded. One moment I was standing talking to Ronnie and the next I was on the floor. But I'm fine now" Danielle said firmly, carefully emphasising her words as she tried to sound convincing. "Have you been feeling ill before you fainted?" Al responded.

"I have been feeling a little unwell for a couple of weeks but it's just a stomach bug, something I probably picked up from the market or The Vic" Danielle spoke quickly, her thoughts and words hurried. Al let Danielle speak but as he watched her he could see the worry and fear in her eyes, each question alarming her and forcing her into a panicked response. Despite this Al continued hoping to ease Danielle into confronting whatever problem lied below the surface of this troubled young girl.

"And how have you been eating and sleeping recently?" Al said, he may have asked Ronnie the same question but he needed to hear Danielle answer it for herself. Danielle let Al's question and the mention of food sink in for only a second before she felt her heart race quicken, an unbearable pain in her stomach shot through her. She wasn't sure if it was another sign of the damage she was doing to herself or a pang of guilt, shame and fear crippling her all at once.

"I have been sleeping ok, bit restless but I always am, always have been since I was a child really" Danielle muttered away, she seemed to be trying to force her thoughts away from the situation at hand, force herself to get lost in happier memories as she reflected and spoke about her childhood. "And what about meals? Are you eating regularly?" Al persisted with the question. He had his suspicions; he had seen the signs and symptoms and despite her tense and hurried responses he wanted to try and let Danielle talk.

"I'm, I'm..."Danielle stuttered, her hands beginning to shake as they lay on the mattress as her head dropped down. "It's ok, we don't have to talk about anything you don't want to" Al said gently, placing his hand carefully next to Danielle's on the mattress. "When you have been feeling ill, have you been sick? Throwing up?" Al asked. Even though Danielle didn't say a word he heard a quiet whimper as Danielle's head dropped further until it reached the soft mattress.

"Danielle, you don't have to answer any questions. Why don't I just have a quick look at you to check you're ok? You don't have to say or do anything I promise" Al said kindly as he gently checked her stomach, pressing his hands against her stomach as he noted the distension and swelling. Silently Al moved to Danielle's mouth, observing the wear on her teeth and the back of her throat. As Al prodded and poked her, checking her blood pressure and pulse Danielle silently shut down, not observing or thinking about what was happening, her body almost like a rag doll as she let the doctor examine her.

As Al pulled away from Danielle she curled up once again, lifting her legs to her chin and wrapping her arms around her knees as she closed off from the world without a word. He was preparing to leave anyway but Al took Danielle's move as a sign that their 'chat' was over. She may not have opened up as he first hoped but Danielle had all but answered Al's questions and worries without needing to say a word.

Al silently left Danielle's room, shutting the door as he left. He walked into the lounge to find Ronnie on the sofa, her head dropped deep into her hands; a position that almost mirrored that of her daughter only moments earlier. "Miss Mitchell" Al said cautiously. His voice made Ronnie shot up, her bloodshot eyes and despondent stare fixed on Al as he stood before her. "How is she?" Ronnie asked, desperate for an answer but unsure whether she wanted to hear what the doctor was about to say.

"Well I had a brief chat with Danielle and..." Al started to speak before Ronnie abruptly cut in. "She spoke to you, opened up to you?" Ronnie asked, hurt that Danielle would open up to a complete stranger and not her even though he was only trying to help. "What did she say?" Ronnie asked instinctively, part of her knew that as a doctor Al couldn't say anything but she needed to try, the elusive truth playing on her mind and unanswerable questions lingering amongst her thoughts.

"I can't tell you what your daughter said" Al responded robotically, a line he had clearly practised over the years but at the same time he wanted to sound compassionate and caring in the face of a despairing and broken women. "Please Al, I need to know. Can you at least tell me what's wrong?" Ronnie stepped closer to him as she spoke. "I can't say anything; all I would suggest is that you keep an eye on her. Try and get some food down her to help keep her strength up. And if Danielle doesn't manage to eat make another appointment. She will need to make an appointment anyway for a blood test, just routine" Al said reassuringly as he watched Ronnie take in the information.

"And maybe look into booking an appointment for Danielle to speak to someone, there are lots of people that can help at the hospital or a specialised clinic" Al added. "What!" Ronnie snapped back after listening to Al intently. "I just think Danielle would benefit from talking to someone" Al said cautiously as Ronnie's eyes narrowed, her brow furrowed and face tense as she became angry.

"She can talk to me, I'm her mother!" Ronnie barked, her voice raised in frustration and anger as weeks of pain began to unload onto an unsuspecting Al. "That's not what I meant Miss Mitchell, I think..." Before Al could finish his apologetic reasoning an upset and angry Ronnie interrupted, "We don't need help, we just need each other!"


	22. Chapter 22

**PLEASE REVIEW, ANY COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK ARE WELCOME AND I REALLY ENJOY READING THE REVIEWS.**

Al was taken aback by Ronnie's outburst and a flustered Ronnie immediately coiled back, herself shocked by her sudden loss of control. "I'm sorry, I.. well I" Ronnie stuttered. "It's ok Miss Mitchell, I understand that it's been a tough time recently for both you and your daughter" Al said calmly. He may not have interacted much with either woman over the last few years but he had heard the whispers, the reports of hit and runs, fires and kidnaps. Such dramatic events should have shocked him but he had realised that trouble seemed to hang over Albert Square and its residents.

Ronnie's shoulders dropped, a weak smile forming across her face as she calmed down. Al may have come to talk to Danielle but he could see how fragile Ronnie was, it was part of his nature and role as a doctor to talk to anyone that might need his help. "If you ever need to talk to anyone Miss Mitchell you know where I am" Al said kindly, Ronnie nodded in response. Al wasn't sure if Ronnie would accept his offer anytime but he hoped she had someone to talk to, someone to support her through this.

"Look Miss Mitchell..." Al said before Ronnie interrupted him, placing her hand lightly on his forearm. "It's Ronnie" She said quietly, pulling away so he could continue talking. "Well Ronnie, I just think that Danielle could benefit from talking to someone" Al tried with talking about Danielle again; carefully breaching the subject in the hope that it wouldn't anger a clearly upset Ronnie again.

"I just don't know what to do with her. One moment she is fine and the next, well the next she can't even bear to look at me. I didn't mean to shout at you earlier, I know you are only trying to help" Ronnie struggled to say, not only did she feel guilty for shouting at a doctor who was offering his time and advice, but also admitting her daughter's troubles in front of a near stranger made her emotions rise to the surface once again; tears brimming in her eyes.

"The best thing you can do Ronnie is keep an eye on her, and like I said if she gets worse or doesn't eat anything then give me a call and we can book another appointment for her. Now I am sorry but it's very late so I should be going, are you going to be ok?" Al asked kindly. Ronnie was touched by his concern. Talking to Roxy or Aunty Peggy was fine; she was thankfully for her family's support but despite getting off on the wrong foot Al had managed to calm Ronnie, she was grateful for his medical and personal reassurance.

Al left shortly after, offering one last comforting smile as he passed. Although he had only been in Ronnie's company for less than 30 minutes part of Ronnie wanted to beg him to stay, even if it was to talk aimlessly. His presence comforted Ronnie; when the complete unknown and terrifyingly uncertain situation lay in the bedroom just feet away Ronnie clung to any glimmers of control or safety.

Ronnie loved Danielle more than she could ever describe to herself, let alone a stranger yet since her daughter's troubles had started Ronnie was feeling increasingly scared to be left alone with Danielle; the uncertainty and increasingly clear enormity of the situation terrified her. With the cloud of doubt over Danielle's troubles hanging over Ronnie the pressure and worry over her daughter would only increase.

She had tried to block out the thoughts, tried to stop the unbearable fears of losing Danielle. At first Ronnie had managed to naively convince herself that Danielle was suffering from flu, or shock over what had happened in Weymouth. But as the weeks passed Ronnie began to realise that, even though she still was in the dark about the true cause and scale of Danielle's problems, her daughter was suffering more than she had ever imagined.

When she closed her eyes at night or found herself switching off for even a moment Ronnie was crippled with the idea of not being able to hold Danielle as she cried, not being able to watch her beautiful daughter as she slept or snuggled under her arms as they huddled together on the sofa to watch a DVD. But it wasn't only the moments she would miss in the present with Danielle.

Even after the heartache with James, Ronnie dreamed of watching her baby get married, start a family of her own and have a successful career. Although she may not have had the most stable and conventional of childhoods, Ronnie longed for Danielle to have an adulthood of normality, love and support; one she had often lacked herself.

Ronnie stood in the lounge, alone and plunged in the darkness of the night's sky. Her body was still, muscles tense, her mind painfully active. Ronnie was only snapped from this trance by the sound of a gentle whimper from down the hallway.

Danielle tightened the grip around her knees until she heard the raised voices die down into a gentle whisper. Footsteps passed her closed door until silence engulfed the air once again. Unsure of her next move Danielle waited, loosening out the grip around her knees as she stretched out her legs. As she did so she felt her muscles ache; energy drained from her body as she struggled to sit upright.

Danielle wondered who the raised and clearly angry voices belonged to; was it Ronnie expressing her anger and disgust about her to the doctor? Where the footsteps she heard her mother walking away from her, leaving her when inside, Danielle knew Ronnie was the one person she needed the most in the world.

Needing answers, however terrifying and painful the truth may be Danielle slowly lifted her legs off the bed and down to the floor. Looking down at her chest Danielle saw the smears of sick spread across her cotton jumper. Pained by the sight of her own vomit Danielle struggled to remove her top and then her trousers. In only her underwear she hobbled over to her wardrobe Danielle, reaching in for a new change of clothes. As she pulled down a plain purple t-shirt Danielle caught a glimpse of the dress, the dress Ronnie had given to her.

The crimson silk fabric hang at the end of the rail, deliberately hidden amongst her baggy jumpers and jeans. Danielle reached for the dress, careful not to tear the delicate garment. Pulling it clear Danielle noticed the price tag still tucked down the back; Ronnie's present had gone untouched.

Lifting it from the hanger Danielle placed one foot and then another into the dress, carefully doing up the zip on the side. She pivoted on the spot and locked eyes on her reflection. The dress hang of Danielle's shoulders loosely; it's tight design now far too big for Danielle' body. The sight of her thin arms and blotchy skin repulsed Danielle yet she couldn't take her eyes of the dress.

Danielle was sure that Ronnie was gone and this dress was the last reminder of her; a reminder of her mother's love and warmth. Although Danielle had pushed Ronnie away, tried to stay strong in the face of her rejection the pain and hurt were too much to bear.

With her arms wrapped around her rib cage tightly, clinging to the dress, Danielle dropped to her knees sobbing. Ronnie watched on heartbroken through a crack in her daughter's bedroom door.


	23. Chapter 23

**THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS; I REALLY ENJOY READING PEOPLE'S COMMENTS AND VIEWS ON THE STORY. PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE WRITING THIS STORY AND MY JOINT FIC WITH ADIA ROSE CALLED DAMAGED. A SPECIAL THANKS TO ADIA ROSE ASWELL, BECAUSE SHE HAS REALLY HELPED ME WITH THIS FIC WHEN I HAVE GOT STUCK OR NEED ADVICE. **

With each tear that fell, each desperate whimper conveying such a deep sorrow Ronnie felt her heart breaking one piece at a time. She barley understood how she kept going, her heart had been ripped apart and glued back together so many times in her life yet the pain still felt as raw as it did the first time she saw her baby cry, the first she held her in her arms.

Ronnie had lived with that cry all her life, the cry of a newborn baby being ripped away from her mother only hours after entering such a frightening and uncertain world. But here in front of her, 21 years later was the same girl with the same cry, a cry for a daughter to be held by her mother.

Ronnie silently pushed open the door, keeping one hand firmly on the wood as the crack she was peering through widened. As it did so the worrying truth became even clearer. Danielle was sprawled over the floor, the crimson silk of her dress covered in smudges were Danielle had been crying into the fabric. Hunched over, Danielle was sobbing into her hands.

Ronnie's taken aback by the scene before her; whilst the crimson silk glistened from the street light shining through the window, a once tight fitting dress now hung from Danielle, swamping her skeletal figure.

Ronnie had pictured Danielle wearing the dress the minute she had seen it in the shop window. She had remembered how Roxy's face had lit up just like her own when she had seen the dress wrapped around a mannequin. It had been the perfect dress for her perfect little girl. But now, Ronnie realised how different reality was.

Ronnie cautiously approached Danielle's back, reaching out to place a gentle hand on her gaunt shoulder bones. To her surprise Danielle didn't flinch away, at first she was unsure whether Danielle was even aware of her presence as she continued to sob into her hands.

With her hands resting on Danielle's shoulder Ronnie was again alerted to how shockingly thin Danielle was but this time she held tighter, she didn't let go in shock or fear. Even though the fear was still there, Ronnie's hand stayed glued to her daughter, wanting to reassure both herself and Danielle she would never let go.

For the first time Danielle felt the touch of her mother's skin, Ronnie's fingers tensing up as they tightened their grip. She hadn't looked up to check who was there, who was reaching out to her. But she instantly recognised her mother's touch; she had memorised the feeling of warmth since the first time Ronnie had held her.

Ronnie was still there, she was there even when Danielle had pushed her away. Overcome with relief Danielle pulled one damp hand from her face and placed it on top of Ronnie's hand, mirroring the tight grip of her mother. Danielle could feel Ronnie's breath tickling the hairs on the back of her neck yet she still felt a distance between them, a distance and gap that Danielle was convinced she had created.

In that moment she didn't care about the pain, the feeling of disgust and shame that had been written on Ronnie's face earlier in the evening. She didn't care about the sorrow of losing so many she had loved or trying to find some sense of control in her life; all she cared about was sitting right behind her.

Danielle drove the fear, the pain and the urge to take control to the back of her mind. Mentally and physically she mustered all the strength she could find and she pulled Ronnie's hand down her chest and stomach, towards her hip.

As Danielle pulled her hand down Ronnie naturally let her body fall onto Danielle back, her chest now resting against Danielle's spine. Huddled together Ronnie moved her other hand round Danielle's back and over her stomach, her hands crossing over as she warmly hugged Danielle.

Both women took in the scent of the other, the feel of Ronnie's warm skin coming into contact with the cold flesh of Danielle. Ronnie tenderly kissed Danielle's shoulder. Neither woman had looked at each other face to face, neither spoke a word but neither let go.

Wrapped up in each other they had let the minutes slip by, the night's sky darkness had set in as only the light from the street lamp illuminated Danielle's room. Danielle's clock chimed as the hands hit midnight, only now alerting Ronnie to the time of day.

Peering down Ronnie noticed Danielle's eyes were firmly shut, each eyelid clasped close as she tried to block out the image of her reflection staring back at her. She knew her daughter wasn't asleep but not wanting to disturb Danielle's contented state Ronnie manoeuvred her hands, sliding her right hand under Danielle's leg whilst moving her left hand onto her back.

She had never done this before yet her daughter had never seemed so vulnerable. Nervously Ronnie got to her feet and scooped Danielle up in her arms. Whilst Danielle's legs hung loosely over Ronnie's arms, she noticed Danielle make the effort to snap her head back before it dropped down over Ronnie's other arms. Not once did Danielle's eyes open, her face eerily still and silent.

Danielle had switched of to any thought except for the security and support of knowing Ronnie was holding her. She let her mother pick her up, happy to oblige. Weak and desperate Danielle didn't dare stop Ronnie, terrified that one move or mis-spoken word might shatter the moment.

She didn't dare even open her eyes; Ronnie had come back and she may have been resting in her arms but Danielle wasn't sure what expression she would see staring back at her. Anything less than pure and comforting love would break her.

Ronnie glanced down at Danielle's face; she had shuffled her head over to rest against Ronnie's chest. Whilst she had longed to hold Danielle like this as a baby, she felt saddened to be holding her weak and helpless daughter now.

Holding Danielle, lost in the features of her daughter's face, Ronnie was reminded of the times she had tried to lift Roxy like this when her little sister was deeply intoxicated and unable to drag herself up from the floor. A few times she had managed to scoop Roxy up in her arms but as the alcohol would set in Roxy would soon start to fidget, muttering a random guy's name as Ronnie would drop her to the floor and end up trying to drag her home.

As her knees straightened out Ronnie was expecting to buckle over with the weight of carrying a fully-grown adult in her arms but she didn't. Whilst it was an awkward position to carry Danielle in Ronnie was shocked by how little her daughter weighed, her weak and emaciated body drooped over her arms.

Ronnie turned on the spot, walking a few paces before bending down to place Danielle carefully on the mattress. Still in the full-length gown, Danielle remained still, her legs bent and arms resting against her thighs. Ronnie slid the duvet down from under Danielle and pulled it over her daughter, straightening out any creases and tucking in the sides.

As Danielle's head hit the pillow Ronnie noticed her shoulders loosen and her breathing become heavier as she drifted of to sleep. With Danielle tucked in on one side of the bed Ronnie slowly sat down on the mattress next to her, stretching out her legs until they reached the end of the bed.

Trying to get comfortable Ronnie pulled a pillow up and rested it against the headboard, leaning her head back against the soft cotton. As she rested against the mattress Ronnie had no desire to move. As tiredness set in Ronnie was sure that she couldn't leave Danielle, no part of her wanted to even take her eyes off her, even when she was sleeping.

With her eyes locked on Danielle's peaceful face, her hand resting on the duvet on top of Danielle's hand Ronnie too drifted off to sleep, staying in that very same position till the morning sun broke through the curtains.


	24. Chapter 24

**Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, I have had computer problems. I hope everyone still enjoys reading this story. As always reviews are welcome and I always enjoy reading everyone's comments. **

Danielle had always liked her sleep; a peaceful night's rest had been something she had cherished since she was a child. Others might take hours to drift of but the minute Danielle's head hit the pillow she could switch off and fall into a deep slumber until the morning sun rose.

But as she progressed through her teenage years her mind started to be weighed down with worry and then everything changed, every part of her life that had seemed so normal suddenly vanished and Danielle couldn't sleep anymore. Lizzie was dead; her mother was dead and nothing, including sleep, made any sense anymore.

When she had moved to Walford her life changed once again but her sleep was still clouded by worry and pain, interrupted by the thoughts of one mother who had had left her but now another who had reappeared. She remembered how she had pretended to fall to sleep at the Slater's under Stacey's watchful eye. She had closed her eyes and waited until she heard Stacey's snores echo round the room and then she would spend hours muffling her cries into a damp pillow.

Through these years of restless nights of sleep Danielle had been sure that when she had found Ronnie, when she had been reunited with her mother that she would be like a little child again, peaceful, content and able to drift off without a worry or fear.

But life hadn't been that simple and two years later Danielle had still found that fresh fears and pain would linger in her mind from the minute she lay her head on the pillow. Last night had been no different. She had woken up sweating and restless in the early hours; trapped in a terrifying cycle of painful and vivid nightmares.

But as Danielle had tossed and turned uncomfortably she had felt a hand stay firmly placed on top of hers. She may have still been plagued by an interrupted night's sleep but for the first time in weeks Danielle let herself feel content and comforted. It had been the best night's sleep she had had in as long as she could remember.

Each sound acted as a personal alarm clock in Albert Square, drifting up from the streets below into the houses and rooms of people who would bury their heads into the pillows in the desperate but often fruitless attempt not to be woken.

As the clock hit 7.30am Danielle would be woken by the number 32 bus pulling up, the chatter of the school crowd as they began their day. As the unwelcome noise started to linger in her ears Danielle tried to get comfortable, whilst others longed for comfort and warmth from a soft pillow or warm duvet Danielle stretched out her arm for comfort from Ronnie, but she wasn't there.

"Mum" Danielle croaked as she opened her eyes to see an empty space where Ronnie should have been. "MUM" Danielle cried again, starting to panic. Danielle's mind automatically burst into action once again, had Ronnie realised she had made a mistake? Had she really gone this time? As the fears began to cripple Danielle, forcing her to collapse back onto the mattress a figure burst through her bedroom door.

"Sweetie, what is it?" Ronnie asked, concerned by how distressed Danielle looked. Mustering all her strength Danielle sat upright and threw herself into Ronnie's awaiting arms. "It's ok, I was just making us some breakfast" Ronnie said as Danielle peeled herself of her mum's chest, slightly embarrassed by her over reaction.

With her warm hand cupped round Danielle's cheek Ronnie gently kissed her forehead before leaving the room. "You wait there, I will bring it right in" Ronnie called from the kitchen. As Danielle calmed herself down she began to process Ronnie's words, breakfast. Such a simple word that was loaded with so many fears and so much pain.

"It's a fruit smoothie. I used to make them all the time in Ibiza for Roxy" Ronnie said as she marched back into the room, two tall glasses in her hands. "And when you're done there is cereal, toast or I can make you eggs, sausages. Anything you want" Ronnie rambled. Danielle awkwardly sipped her drink, consciously avoiding making eye contact with an awake and eager Ronnie.

Danielle occasionally looked up in between slowly sipping the drink; Ronnie's fixed and relentless stare forced her into taking another sip until she felt her throat sting in pain. She took one last mouthful to please the watching eyes and then placed the half empty glass on her bedside table.

Shuffling back under the duvet the room fell awkwardly silent. "So, what are you going to wear today?" Ronnie asked in an attempt to both relax herself and Danielle. Ronnie leapt from the bed and flung Danielle's wardrobe doors open. As Ronnie stood up she could feel soft fabric sliding under her feet, looking down she saw Danielle's dress strewn over the floor.

Without saying a word to Danielle Ronnie bent down to pick the dress up, straightening out the silk fabric that had been thrown on the floor during the night. With her back to Danielle Ronnie carefully lifted the dress onto a hanger and slipped it back into the wardrobe.

As she did a single tear rolled down her cheek. Ronnie didn't know why she was crying at this exact moment, it wasn't because she had found the dress lying crumbled on the floor but still Ronnie let the tear fall, wiping it away before she turned to face Danielle again.

"So what about the pink t-shirt and jeans" Ronnie said firmly, rooting round Danielle's cupboard. "Or a skirt, what about a skirt" Ronnie rambled as she began to fling clothes from their hangers and onto the floor. Danielle sat in silence, not quite sure of what was happening. Ronnie seemed almost manic as she wiped through her clothes. As flashes of colourful fabric flew before her eyes Danielle wondered how far she had pushed Ronnie.

"So what do you think?" Ronnie asked, spinning on the spot to lock eyes on a confused and slightly worried Danielle. "I think I am just going to go for a run," Danielle mumbled. With each second that passed she could feel the walls of her room closing in on her, Ronnie closing in on her and she needed to get away, she needed to find some sense of control. "Ok then, well I will come with you then" Ronnie responded firmly.

Danielle was taken aback by Ronnie's response. She wanted to scream and shout, demand that she go alone but she didn't dare. Running had become just another way to take back some of the control that had been slipping away from her. "I have been running in ages but I used to really enjoy it, haven't really had the time the last few years with everything that has happened" Ronnie said before she cut herself off. Both knew what she meant, but neither wanted to revisit old wounds and the painful memories at that moment so neither uttered another word.

"You ready to go" Ronnie called as she waited outside Danielle's bedroom. Ronnie waited a second before drumming her fist against the door again. She hadn't wanted to leave Danielle alone, not for a second. From the moment she had felt Danielle's emaciated body cling to her, a call for help from the person she loved most in the world Ronnie had silently promised herself and Danielle that she would be by Danielle's side every minute of everyday possible. She didn't know what else to do.

But whilst the overpowering urge may have been to watch over Danielle Ronnie knew also how delicate the situation was. Whilst she had been watching Danielle sleep earlier this morning, listening to the soft rhythm of her heart beating, Ronnie had been trying to work out what she was going to say to Danielle. When should she confront her? Ronnie worried that the words would stick in her throat. Her fears had been building for weeks, festering uncontrollably.

Ronnie was terrified of not only admitting the truth out loud to herself, but to Danielle as well. She had spent minutes picturing her baby's ghostly white face, tears streaming down her cheeks that had already been scared by so many outpourings of pain. Ronnie longed to hear Danielle finally confront the truth but at the same time she wasn't sure if either of them were strong enough to hear it.

"Coming" Danielle muttered reluctantly. She could hear Ronnie nervously tapping her feet against the carpet as she approached her door. For weeks Danielle herself had felt increasingly nervous in her own home. Each time she opened a door she worried about what or who she would face on the other side. She would nervously open the bathroom door, looking down at the toilet before she bent down before it. She would nervously open the lounge door each morning, terrified that she would open it too find Ronnie with that same shameful and disgusted look on her face, or worse gone. But this time, as the nerves grew unbearably she opened the door to be greeted by a beaming smile of Ronnie. The tension on her face was still clear but Danielle was comforted by the wide and over exaggerated expression.

As their feet meet the tarmac outside the flat both hesitated, the new territory between them causing momentary caution before both women moved into a casual jog towards the station. As they passed the second corner Ronnie could already hear Danielle breathing heavily, her wheezing becoming increasingly heavy with each step.

"Dan, are you ok?" Ronnie asked as they jogged side by side. Danielle nodded, not turning to look at Ronnie as she answered. Instead her eyes were locked on the road ahead, focused and determined whilst Ronnie could see the glint of fear and doubt still linger. As they continued round the square Ronnie made an effort to stay close to Danielle's side, matching her daughter's strides.

Ronnie's eyes darted from the road ahead to Danielle constantly. She watched as beads of sweat stated to roll down Danielle's face, her red cheeks now damp with perspiration. With each step she took Ronnie could see Danielle's knees shaking, her body weak as she pushed harder and harder. Ronnie herself was now starting to feel tired, the lack of running over the last few years hindering her fitness levels.

However hard she pushed Danielle could feel Ronnie's presence by her side. As each foot slammed against the tarmac Danielle felt weaker, breathing became more of a struggle but she was determined to keep going. Running helped her take control; take control of her mind and body as she pushed herself through the pain. As she dashed past recognisable faces and familiar places Danielle tried to forget about everything but she found that the anguish and fear only pushed her further, forcing her aching legs to constantly move one past the other. And with Ronnie lingering at her side, her stare fixed on Danielle's entire body this urge felt even stronger.

Determined to stay by Danielle's side Ronnie pushed herself slightly in front of her daughter. As they passed the swings towards the Arches Ronnie turned to glance back at Danielle. Ronnie was horrified to see a hazed expression befall Danielle's face, her eyes misted over as she recognised the same expression from when she had collapsed in the bathroom. Ronnie's feet ground to an instant halt as she stopped on the spot and stood in Danielle's way, forcing her daughter too also freeze.

"Dan, stop" Ronnie screamed as Danielle almost feel forward into her arms. "What are you doing?" Ronnie cried, trying to catch her breath. Danielle ignored how light headed and weak she felt as she took a moment to calm herself down. "I'm running, what does it look like?" Danielle managed to say in between splutters and coughs. "No, what are you doing to yourself Dan?" Ronnie screamed in reply.


	25. Chapter 25

She had never meant it to be like this. But nothing in Ronnie's Mitchell's life had ever gone to plan. From finding out she was pregnant, to having Danielle ripped from her arms so painfully. She had built a life with Roxy in Ibiza, a sunny haven where she could forget the troubles that had marred her life since she was a young girl. But those troubles had been too hard to forget. No amount of sun, sand, drink and random men were ever going to change that. Moving to Walford with her baby sister had never been part of any plans but she had made Albert Square her home, she had locked eyes with a handsome stranger called Jack Branning. It didn't run smooth, but romance never did. But Ronnie had pictured herself with Jack, having a home and a life together yet it was two of the people closest to her in Roxy and Jack that had destroyed that plan. And then there was Danielle. Her angel. Being re-united with a part of her life that seemed so distant and lost was never part of any grand plan, it had been an impossible desire for 19 years but it was the best thing to ever happen to Ronnie. How could this have slipped away, how could she have let the best thing in her life crumble in her fingers? First Archie, then Stacey, then James and Weymouth and now, stood before her was her baby, lost and in a pain she could barely imagine or understand. It was never meant to be like this.

"I'm fine, what are you talking about?" Danielle muttered unconvincingly, she tried to wrestle free of Ronnie's grip but she didn't have the strength. "I'm talking about the fact that you are barely eating, being sick and now this" Ronnie said firmly, trying to cover up the fear in her voice by sounding strong. "Please not here, not here" Danielle whimpered quietly, her eyes darting round their deserted surroundings nervously. There was not a soul in sight, the gentle murmur of the morning crowd steadily grew in the distance but the swing was empty, the Arches and community centre still shut, awaiting to be opened for a new day.

"No Dan, we need to talk about this now," Ronnie stated, keeping her hands locked around Danielle's frail arms. Danielle continued to shuffle from side to side; her eyes glanced over Ronnie's before they shot off into the distance. Danielle couldn't look Ronnie in the eye, she was sure that all the pain would come flooding out if she did, that Ronnie would be able to look past the glazed tears to see the truth. The words stuck in her throat, the truth, an empty and pitiful excuse, neither could leave her lips. "Dan, talk to me please" Ronnie cried, frustrated and equally upset. "I can't, I can't" Danielle sobbed, shaking her head viciously from side to side.

"Ronnie, what's going on?" Roxy's voice pierced through Ronnie, disturbing the grip she had on Danielle. "Nothing Rox, everything is fine" Ronnie said. She had promised herself the lies would stop, covering the truth however painful it might be only went on to hurt the people she loved but this was no time for interruptions, however well intended they were. To her annoyance Ronnie could hear Roxy's footsteps coming closer as she made her way towards them. "Ronnie" Roxy said cautiously as she approached her sister's back, with each step the scene became more clear but ever more confusing and worrying to Roxy. "Ron, what are you doing? You're hurting her" Roxy cried as she saw Ronnie's hands locked around Danielle's limp arms, streams of tears running down Danielle's cheeks as her scared expression darted between Ronnie and Roxy.

"Just go home Roxy" Ronnie pleaded; she didn't have the strength to deal with Roxy and Danielle. Ronnie didn't know what was keeping her arms locked on Danielle's; fear, guilt, love? But Roxy didn't move, not a step as she tried to dig herself deeper into understanding the situation. "ROXY, GO!" Ronnie screamed, causing Roxy to jump back slightly as she taken aback by Ronnie's harsh tone. Shocked by Ronnie's outburst Roxy turned on the spot and bent down to her knees. "Sweetie, go play on the swing for a moment. Mummy will be right over" Roxy said quietly, lovingly stroking Amy's cheeks and wrapping her fingers between strands of her blond pigtails as she passed. And as Roxy's hushed words began to sink in Ronnie was horrified to see Amy appear from behind Roxy, oblivious to the increasingly worrying situation developing around her. Amy passed between Ronnie and Danielle, looking up at them both with a loving and innocent glance. Ronnie instinctively loosened her grip. She couldn't help but feel ashamed of what she had done, what she was doing even though she had tried to justify it to herself.

"I don't know what's happened but this isn't the place Ronnie" Roxy tried to reason with a conflicted looking Ronnie. As Ronnie glanced around her she began to realise that even though she knew she had the best of intentions, this way neither the way nor place to go about such a conversation. She glanced round to Amy playing happily on the swings, to the steady stream of people walking round the square, to Roxy staring desperately at her and then to Danielle. Her baby who had pulled back as far as Ronnie's grip would allow. Tears continued to flood down her cheeks and Ronnie saw that same frightened look in her daughter's eyes, a look that had flashed before her when she had been offered a plate of food or when Ronnie had found her at her weakest. But it began to dawn on Ronnie that there was something different in the glazed expression of Danielle. As Ronnie's hands stayed firmly around Danielle's arm Ronnie realised it was still fear, but now it was fear of her.

Ronnie's hand dropped to the floor, retreating to her side. She was terrified that if she let go, she wouldn't only be letting go of Danielle's arm but of Danielle herself. But to Ronnie's relief Danielle didn't bolt. She didn't have the strength. "Let's go home" Ronnie said nervously. With no other options home seemed the safest place.

Danielle shakily made her way up the stairs, every carpeted step causing her legs to shake as she struggled to find her footing. Ronnie followed closely behind, her hand stretched out and waiting to catch Danielle if she fell. Roxy had offered to come up with them but Ronnie insisted she take herself and Amy back to the Vic. Spending time alone with Danielle had become a nervous and awkward situation for Ronnie, however much she tried to force it. Her nerves and fear had only increased on the way back home, but she knew that she needed to talk to Danielle alone. If Danielle would even talk that is.

"Dan, sit down" Ronnie instructed as she gestured for Danielle to sit on the sofa. She wanted to sit next to her, squeeze in tightly between the arm and Danielle so she could feel her breath on her skin but Ronnie knew that Danielle would end up falling into her arms, Ronnie would give in and never ask the questions that had to be answered. She passed a glass of water to Danielle, who gratefully held it between her hands and began taking gentle sips. Ronnie dragged a kitchen chair opposite the couch and sat down opposite Danielle. "Dan, talk to me please" Ronnie begged. "There is nothing to say" Danielle muttered in between taking sips of the water. She lied even though she knew Ronnie wouldn't believe her. Ronnie was closing in on her, on the truth and there was nothing Danielle could do to stop it.

Ronnie lent back, sighing loudly in frustration that Danielle's guard had shot up again so suddenly. "I'm scared" Ronnie muttered, the thought crossed her mind as then flew out of her mouth. She recognised the signs in Danielle as her daughter pushed her back as far as she could into the cotton sofa, she had closed up and Ronnie knew that she had locked her fragile emotions away, she knew because she had always done the same. "What?" Danielle said, taken aback and confused by what Ronnie had just muttered. "I'm scared too. I am scared that I will lose you again" Ronnie repeated, staring into her daughter's eyes as Danielle started to fully pay attention to Ronnie and what she was saying. "I see what you are doing to yourself and I'm terrified that I am going to wake up one morning and you won't be with me anymore" Ronnie continued.

Danielle didn't know how to respond, how to act as she saw tears brimming in Ronnie's eyes. Her mother was exposed and open, telling Danielle the truth even though she could get hurt. Ronnie deserved the same. "I can't explain it" Danielle confessed, lost in the deep and mesmerising gaze of Ronnie's loving stare. "You don't have to explain, not at first. Just tell me what's been happening" Ronnie begged.

"I...I...feel like everything, everyone in my life has slipped away and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I have lost so many people, mum, Stacey, James. I don't speak to dad or Gareth anymore and I just wanted to take control, make it all stop" Danielle confessed, her heart was beating faster but she couldn't stop, she didn't want to stop. "I thought that sooner or later you would leave to, because that's what everyone that I love does" Danielle began to sob in between her sentences.

"I am not going anywhere Danielle" Ronnie whispered as the sound of Danielle sobbing filled the room. "But you don't know what I have done. If you did, if you did you wouldn't love me anymore" Danielle's voice wobbled as she spoke, her breathing heavy. "That's not true. There is nothing, nothing you could do that would stop me loving you. Nothing" Ronnie replied, trying to keep her voice strong when she felt like collapsing inside. "You don't understand" Danielle muttered in reply, Ronnie was saying everything she wanted to hear yet she still felt scared. "Then make me understand, help me understand Dan. Please" Ronnie pleaded.

"Look at those pictures, that's not me anymore. I can't be happy and smiling and it's all my fault" Danielle sobbed. Danielle didn't know how to explain to Ronnie so she found her eyes darting round the room, trying to avoid Ronnie's gaze as she looked for answers. Danielle's eyes had fallen upon the mantel piece above the fireplace and the row of pictures that sat neatly upon the marble top. She looked at pictures of herself, of Ronnie of every warm and happy hug that the pair shared. Ronnie glanced over her shoulder to see where Danielle was looking.

"They don't mean a thing Danielle" Ronnie said as she shot up from her seat to the mantel piece, taking a photo of herself and Danielle in her hands. "They're just photos, none of this. Any of this means anything if you are not here with me" Ronnie screamed as she knocked the row of photos off the mantel piece, the frames and shades of glass cracking against the living room floor. She hadn't meant to lose her temper so dramatically but weeks of frustration, weeks of closed doors and terrifying silences exploded until she was unable to control her anger anymore. In the past she could close of her feelings, shut down when it all got too much but this time she couldn't, she was too important. She bent down and picked up a smashed photo, the splintered glass and chipped frame covering the memory of a happier time. "They are just photos, they don't matter. Nothing matters, no one matters except for you" Ronnie cried, throwing the frame down onto the floor.

"Stop, just stop" Danielle screamed as Ronnie began to lean down to pick up the remains of another broken photo frame. "I have a problem with food ok, I make myself sick!" Danielle cried. The room was silent once more.

**Reviews are always welcome, I always enjoy reading your comments and feedback. **


	26. Chapter 26

There was a gapping hole between them that continued to widen, one filled with silence and secrets, one so wide it would take a show of bravery and strength to cross it.

Danielle's breath was heavy, her heart racing and she wished for the sofa to swallow her up. Ronnie was motionless. _I make myself sick, I have a problem with food, I make myself sick. _The words replayed in her head again and again, a continuous loop that never ceased. Each time she heard the words, her daughter's words, they sounded more painful. Had she known it all along? Had she been too blinded by naivety or a desire for love and a happy family to see the truth? The words made sense in her head, every small detail of their lives over the past few weeks made sense even though she wished they didn't. Ronnie wished this was a nightmare, that she would wake up at any moment. But she wouldn't. The terrifying reality was sitting before her with tears in her eyes and fear etched across her blotched face.

"I, I…." Saying the simplest of words, stringing a sentence together each day was so easy yet Ronnie struggled to find the right words, any words. "I'm going to just clean up this glass, don't want you stepping on it and hurting yourself" Ronnie muttered, almost a whisper. It was the final stab to the heart, the final blow. She had reached out to Ronnie, mustered all her strength to admit the truth and Ronnie didn't care. She couldn't even look at her.

Sitting alone on the sofa Danielle let out a terrified gasp as the reality of the situation dawned on her. She wanted it all to be over, in that very second Danielle wished that everything and everyone would just stop. Bent down on the floor, picking up glass Ronnie heard this gasp, this whimper. The sound of Danielle breathing heavily rung in her ears. What was she doing? Her daughter needed her and she had looked away. However painful and petrifying this was for her, it was a hundred times worse for Danielle. She slowly lifted her head up, her eyes drifting from the glass on the floor, up Danielle's legs and body to her face. She had never seen Danielle like this. Taken aback by how fragile, how scared she looked Ronnie's attention waived and as she moved a hand to get up she leant her palm onto a sharp shard of glass. Wincing in pain Ronnie looked down to see a cut where the glass had penetrated her skin, droplets of blood now running down her fingers. In an effort to forget the pain Ronnie pushed her palm against the side of her thigh, hoping that the cotton of her trouser leg would soak up the blood and Danielle wouldn't notice. With her right hand firmly placed against he leg Ronnie got to her feet and cautiously sat on the sofa next to Danielle. Without a moment's hesitation Ronnie wrapped her free arm around Danielle's shoulder and let her daughter fall into her chest. "I need you mum" Danielle whispered through the tears. "I'm sorry. I'm here. I am never leaving you, not now, not ever." Ronnie promised.

He had always known he wanted to be a doctor. He remembered playing with his neighbour Jimmy in the street when he was five years old. Jimmy had fallen over, smashing his knee onto the tarmac. Whilst the girls has run away screaming at the sight of blood, the boys standing back in shock Al had tried to help. At five he had no idea what to do or how to help yet he knew then he wanted to. 25 years later he found himself on the steps leading up to Ronnie Mitchell's flat, determined to help once more. He didn't have to come back and check up on Ronnie and Danielle but as a doctor and a neighbour, he felt he should.

Roxy watched from afar as Doctor Al paused at the bottom of the steps leading up to Ronnie's flat. What was he going to Ronnie's for? Was it something to do with what happened earlier between Ronnie and Danielle? With questions lingering in her mind she set of across the road towards Al and Ronnie's flat. "Doc, can I have a word?" Roxy called out as she raced towards him. Slightly annoyed that his plan had been put on hold Al turned to face Roxy, ready to listen. "Sure Roxy. How can I help? Is there something wrong with Amy?" He asked. "No, she is fine. We are just hitting the terrible two stage a bit earlier than expected, so I came out to get some fresh air" Roxy rambled. "I was just wondering why you are at my sister's flat" Roxy asked bluntly. "Pardon" Al said, taken aback by Roxy's nosey questioning. "Well is there something wrong with Ronnie? With Danielle? I saw them earlier and there was something going on that Ronnie wouldn't tell me about" Roxy said.

"Well that's the way we should keep it then" Al said firmly, irritated by Roxy's prying. "This is my sister and my niece were talking about. If there is something going on then I should know about it," Roxy demanded as she too became annoyed. She hauled one foot in front of the other up the steps as she came closer and closer towards Al. He was trying to retreat but quickly running out of steps before he reached the door. "Look Roxy I just popped round for a quick visit, see how they both are doing" Al said, hoping to escape this awkward situation as soon as possible. "Since when have you been friends with either of them?" Roxy asked abruptly. Al tried to avoid Roxy's penetrating gaze, his eyes looking past Roxy to the road ahead. His escape route. "I will come back later," He said hurriedly as he squeezed past Roxy, bolted down the steps and off into the distance.

Roxy paid little to attention to Al's figure as he hurriedly made his way towards Albert Square and out of view. Instead she banged her fist repeatedly against Ronnie's front door, stopping only to ring the bell. After minutes of no answer Roxy became more frustrated by the fact that information was being withheld from her. This was her family and she knew how secrets can destroy a family like it had done so many times before with the Mitchell's. "Ronnie, It's me. I just want a quick word" She called up towards the open window. But again there was no response, the curtains only rustling when a gust of wind passed overhead.

Still locked in a tight embrace Ronnie had phased out her sister's voice, the banging against the front door and the continuous ringing of the bell. "Just go see what she wants," Danielle muttered as noise began to disturb the warm and content bubble she had happily fallen into. "I will be right back," Ronnie promised, reluctantly letting Danielle slip out of her arms. "What is it Rox?" Ronnie barked as she opened the door to see Roxy standing in front of her, hands on her hips. "You ok. I just saw Doctor Al hanging around outside your flat" Roxy said. "Yeah we are both fine" Ronnie lied, not wanting to complicate the situation further or create any seed of suspicion or doubt in Roxy's mind. "Then why was the Doc here?" Roxy asked, puzzled by Al's unexplained appearance. "I don't know. You would have to ask him" Ronnie replied sharply, her head turning back and forth as she kept a worried eye on the stairs leading back to Danielle.

"Are you seeing him or something?" Roxy said suddenly, the words and question rolling of her tongue before she had a chance to think. "No, course…" Ronnie began to say; irritated that Roxy would pull such an unrealistic suggestion out of thin air. But before she had a chance to finish Roxy interrupted her. "Because there wouldn't be a problem if you were. He is pretty hot, I just always thought you went for the more bad boy type that's all" Roxy rambled; she failed to notice Ronnie's brow furrow in anger. "There is nothing going on" Ronnie insisted. "Did you come all the way over to ask me that?" Ronnie asked, not only angered by Roxy's appearance but now by the lack of reason for dragging her away from Danielle. "No no, I came out for some fresh air. Amy was doing my head in" Roxy said, managing a small chuckle with soon fell from her face when she saw the un-amused expression on Ronnie's. "Look Rox, there is nothing going on. Why don't you go and look after your daughter and I will go look after mine" Ronnie stated, offering a small smile for Roxy before she slammed the door in her sister's face.


	27. Chapter 27

**Sorry for the delay in this update, I have had problems with my laptop this week. Please review if you can because I love reading everyone's comments and feedback. **

Danielle looked down at the pile of broken glass, the smashed photos spread across the floor. Behind the cracks in the glass Danielle could make out the smiles on her face and Ronnie's. She remembered when that photo was taken, a memory that had been too easily forgotten, clouded by sorrow. It had been another family get together at the Vic, a day that had started off with petty squabbles but ended with laughter and smiles. She looked so happy there Danielle thought, so did Ronnie. It seemed like such a long time ago.

_I have a problem with food ok, I make myself sick _Danielle's anguished voice echoed through Ronnie's mind as she moved up each step on the staircase, each step taking her back to Danielle. Even though she was terrified by the idea of facing the demons that had been causing Danielle so much pain, facing her daughter's problem with food, Ronnie didn't stop. She didn't pause for a moment, instead she charged up the stairs. She wasn't completely sure what she going to do but the one thing she knew for certain was that she needed, she wanted to be with Danielle.

As Ronnie reached the top of the staircase she felt her phone vibrate in her trouser pocket. She slid her hand down into the pocket, wincing in pain as her cut pressed against the fabric. Ronnie looked down at her leg, at the bloodstain that had seeped through her cotton jogging bottoms. Ronnie's eyes darted between the mobile resting in her palm, the deep cut just above it and the bloodstain on her leg. Ronnie closed her eyes for a second, gritting her teeth as she tried to blank out the pain. Carefully Ronnie poked the buttons on her mobile with her free hand, opening a text from Roxy.

_We need to talk Ronnie, you can't ignore me forever, Roxy x_. Ronnie sighed as she read the message her sister had sent. Just like the conversation they had earlier Ronnie decided to put Roxy's message to one side. With her free hand Ronnie slid the mobile back into her pocket. Another droplet of blood run from the cut as Ronnie looked down at her injured palm. She started to head to the bathroom, keen to cover up any sign of the accident before Danielle noticed. As she reached the door, her free hand turning the doorknob slowly she heard a small croaky voice call out to her. "Mum" Danielle said, she had been listening intently to Ronnie movements. She had heard the door close, her mother make her way up the stairs but then the noise had stopped. Danielle couldn't help but worry that Ronnie had stopped, was Ronnie too ashamed to even face her?

"What did she want?" Danielle voice croaked, relieved as Ronnie made her into the living room. Heading straight for the window and open curtains Ronnie failed to acknowledge Danielle straight away, instead offering a small grumble as she stared out of the window onto the streets below. She could see Roxy charging off into the distance, throwing her mobile back into her bag, clearly angry at her sister's abrupt and rude end to their conversation. Ronnie had anticipated this response but she didn't have the desire or energy to chase after her and apologise. Danielle was the only Mitchell that mattered at the moment.

"Mum?" Danielle asked nervously again, slightly hurt by Ronnie's lack of reaction to her question. "Sorry sweetie, what did you say?" Ronnie muttered, closing the curtains as she spoke. Even though she knew no one could see up into the flat shutting the curtains offered them privacy, closing off the world so it was just her and Danielle. "What did Roxy want?" Danielle repeated, clinging desperately to every word, every facial expression and movement from Ronnie. "It was nothing important" Ronnie muttered quickly. It was the truth in part; Roxy or what she had to say wasn't important for the moment but as she saw Danielle's face drop a wave of guilt washed over Ronnie. "It was just Roxy….being Roxy" Ronnie said, the words getting stuck in her throat as she tried to think a way of explaining and pushing past Roxy's impromptu visit. The moment had already been interrupted by her sister once before and Ronnie was desperate to still talk to Danielle about what she had confessed, as seconds slipped away Ronnie worried that they were drifting further away from facing Danielle's problems. She had seen her daughter's guard fly back up in only a second so many times before. Ronnie didn't want to start talking about Roxy or any one else.

"What does that mean?" Danielle asked, confused and annoyed by Ronnie's odd explanation. She couldn't face any more lies, even over trivial subjects. "She was just checking how we were that's all" Ronnie said softly, not wanting to alarm or agitate a fragile Danielle. "You didn't tell her did you? Cause I can't deal with anyone knowing, I can't, I just can't" Danielle rambled loudly, her mind exploding as fear and panic constricted her. She had never planned on telling even Ronnie but the thought of her problems spreading across the Square terrified Danielle. She had been the subject of stares and whispers too many times before in Walford.

The sight of Danielle becoming more animated on the sofa, her body becoming tense and face flustered caused Ronnie to almost leap across the lounge. Throwing herself onto the sofa next to Danielle. "I didn't say anything I promise, I wouldn't" Ronnie said meaningful as she stared into Danielle's wide and teary eyes. But truthfully Roxy's visit was still playing on her mind, lingering uncomfortably. Why was Al coming back to check up on them unannounced? What if Roxy realised something was wrong? Ronnie knew that if Roxy got an idea in her head she wouldn't stop till she uncovered the truth; something that Ronnie knew she, Danielle or the rest of her family couldn't deal with.

She had heard Ronnie's promise, she had believed her yet the fear of others finding out the truth, of others judging her grew and grew in her head. Ronnie watched as Danielle fidgeted on the sofa, her elbow resting on her thigh as she ran her hand over her face, twitching as she poked and prodded at her skin. "Baby listen to me" Ronnie said gently but Danielle's agitated behaviour continued. "Dan" Ronnie snapped forcefully, as Danielle's hand reached her right cheek once again Ronnie instantly pressed her hand on top of Danielle's. "You don't have to say anything, not right now. Just listen to me," Ronnie said, struggling to stay strong in the face of heartbreak.

"We are going to get you help, me and you together ok. We can get through this but you have to let me help you" Danielle's eyes had now locked on Ronnie's, both they're hands still pressed against Danielle's tender cheek. "You did the right thing telling me, we can get you help. We can go to the doctor, he can talk to you, to us and tell us what to do next" Ronnie didn't have a plan, a motherly speech prepared for such a situation. The words rolled off her tongue and she just hoped they were the right ones.

"I don't want to speak to him" Danielle muttered, her raspy tone almost child like in the face of being told what to do. "You have to, we need to get you help Danielle" Ronnie replied. "I don't need help, I just need you" Danielle whimpered through the tears. Ronnie had longed to hear those words all her life and for the last two years Ronnie had cherished the times were Danielle spoke lovingly of her. Even hearing the word mum made Ronnie's heart jump. But now everything was different, every word and look between the pair was tarnished by so much pain and misery.

"You've got me but we can't do this on our own" Desperation began to seep into Ronnie's tone as Danielle started to close off, her body leaning further away from Ronnie. But Ronnie kept her hand firmly placed on Danielle's cheek, she wasn't going to let go.


	28. Chapter 28

"I don't need help" Danielle repeated, her voice and slight shake of her head offered little conviction. "Yes you do, what you have been doing to yourself" Ronnie couldn't even say the words, instead she gently stroked Danielle's chin with her thumb as her hand stayed locked on Danielle's cheek. "Well it isn't right, and we need to get you some help. Then you can be all better and things can go back to the way they were" Ronnie said, an insistence and slight desperation in her tone. "When?" Danielle muttered despondently in reply. "What do you mean?" Ronnie asked. "When have things ever been normal between us, the way they were before this was me in hospital after your dad tried to kill me or my best friend, the one constant thing in my life dying right in front of me. Or the man I loved lying to me, kidnapping me. When have things ever been good between us?" Danielle yelled, years of hurt and anger spilling out in one heartbreaking breath. Ronnie almost coiled away as Danielle's onslaught felt like hundreds of stabs to her already fragile heart. As Danielle's words sunk in Ronnie was upset by the few happy memories she could recall. There may have been the picnic in the park with Roxy and Amy, a shopping trip together down Oxford Street or just a loving glance or warm hug. But all these happy memories were marred by tragedy and sadness.

"Is that why you do it?" Ronnie asked nervously, trying to re-focus her thoughts whilst still clutching onto the few fond memories. "No, I.. I…" Danielle stuttered, she had asked herself the same question so many times as she knelt before the toilet but actually saying the words out loud, admitting the truth was a step she wasn't prepared to take, not even with Ronnie. Danielle began to shake; Ronnie could feel her frail fingers quivering under her hand. Droplets off sweat rolled down her forehead as Danielle's breath became hoarse. She shut her eyes tightly, letting the image of Ronnie fall away to darkness as she tried to block out the noise, the feel of Ronnie's hand against her skin. "Let's get you cleaned up" She heard Ronnie say, her voice seemed almost distant as Danielle tried to block out any sound, although she was sitting so close.

Danielle scooped her hands in the basin, splashing the cold water gently across her face. Ronnie stood still in the doorway, watching as Danielle dapped her wet face with a hand towel. She could see her daughter's left eye occasionally glancing down towards the toilet. Danielle couldn't shake this desire for control, the white porcelain reminder sat only centimetres away but on the other side was Ronnie. Her tall blonde figure almost glued to the doorframe. She hadn't taken her eyes of Danielle. It felt almost like a choice, it wasn't a straight choice of leaving one or the other behind forever. Nothing was ever that simple, Danielle and Ronnie both knew that. But Danielle realised in admitting the truth to Ronnie she had a choice. She wasn't alone in this anymore.

One side stood all the hurt and pain. Archie, Stacey, James. The other side stood Ronnie, her real mum. An object of maternal desire for 19 years. She could either stay trapped and haunted by the gaunt image staring back at her in the mirror, by the memories lingering inside this bathroom or go to Ronnie. Danielle glanced from the toilet to Ronnie. Danielle was instantly mesmerised by Ronnie's face. She was covered in sweat from the run, her face damp and bags under her eyes but it was the real Ronnie looking back at her. She wasn't perfect, but she was her mum. There was that look in Ronnie's eyes, that look she craved for. It wasn't shame or disgust, it was love, support. She seemed almost proud, but Danielle couldn't work out why.

Ronnie noticed Danielle's confused glances so for the first time in minutes she took a step closer to Danielle. "I am so proud of you sweetie" Ronnie beamed. "Why?" Danielle replied. "Because you found the strength to admit the truth to me. And I'm not going to let you down" Ronnie assured a teary Danielle. "Do you want to go and sit back down?" Ronnie asked. Taking a deep breath Danielle replied quietly, "No I think I want to talk to the doctor." She sounded anything but confident or sure but it was the first step Ronnie thought.

"Come on, pick up, pick up" Ronnie muttered under her breath as she held the phone tightly to her ear. Ronnie fidgeted on the spot, keeping one eye on a restless Danielle who waited on the sofa. Ronnie listened intently to the continuous dial tone down the phone. "No one is picking up, they must be busy with a patient. Are you ok to go down and see him?" Ronnie asked, hoping she wasn't pushing Danielle too much but at the same time hoping that Danielle would agree with little fuss.

She took a second to think about Ronnie's question before nodding her head; Danielle watched a sense of relief washed over Ronnie's face as she hung up the phone. Facing the outside world, facing anyone was not ideal but having Ronnie only ever feet away was an antidote to any fear or worry she felt rising inside of her.

Ronnie hurriedly dropped the keys into her bag, the shining strands of metal falling away into the dark bit of her handbag with a collection of make up, tissues and her and Danielle's mobile phones. The front door slammed behind them, a fresh breeze brushing their faces as Ronnie and Danielle made their way to the doctors surgery hand in hand. Ronnie's tight grip didn't relent as the pair caught the occasional glance of a market trader or a café customer treading back onto the concrete with a cup of tea in hand.

Danielle's pace was more hurried than usual but Ronnie didn't mind, she kept up with Danielle stride for stride. Whilst Danielle was keen to avoid any stares or whispers Ronnie was also happy to head directly for the doctor's surgery, keen to avoid one person in particular, Roxy. Whilst she had managed to put their brief interaction to the back of her mind for now she knew Roxy wouldn't have done the same. If caught Roxy would come bounding over with a hundred questions on her mind, each too important to keep bottled up inside. She loved her sister, and she knew Danielle loved her aunt but Roxy was the last person Ronnie wanted and Danielle needed to see right now.

As they made their way past Arthur's bench and through the iron gates Ronnie thought they had made it unnoticed until she felt the presence of a another standing in their way, a familiar face bearing down on them. "Oh you two are in a bit of a hurry" Charlie joked, chuckling to himself. "Sorry Charlie" Ronnie hurriedly apologised. The sudden stop had made Ronnie lose her balance, her handbag dropping from her arm onto the floor.

"Let me help you" Charlie said, bending down to help Ronnie collect her scattered possessions after they flew out of her handbag and onto the concrete. "It's ok, I got them" Ronnie said, sweeping up a pack of tissues and lip balm into her bag. With Ronnie frantically gathered up her belongings below Charlie had failed to notice Danielle standing completely still, looking down vaguely at the pair. "How are you today love?" Charlie asked Danielle as he stood upright and caught sight of her, her stare distant. "I'm ok thanks Charlie" Danielle said politely, offering a weak smile to go with the lie she had just told. He had remembered the look on her face, the flashes of fear and pain he had seen the time he had found Danielle at Stacey's grave. Concerned Charlie wanted to check Danielle was ok but he stopped, the words on the edge of his lips as he saw Ronnie staring back at him, tightly holding Danielle's arm. "Well I will let you two go, I need to get some milk and the paper anyway" Charlie muttered.

Stepping aside Charlie watched as Ronnie marched past, almost dragging Danielle behind her. There wasn't any tears but Charlie knew there was something wrong. As Ronnie and Danielle's figures hurried off into the distance Charlie noticed a small object tucked under a bush below his feet. Bending down Charlie picked up Danielle's mobile phone. "Dan…" Charlie started to call but they were gone, out of sight and earshot. Deciding to wait till later Charlie slipped the phone into his jacket pocket and headed to the minute mart. His brief meeting with Ronnie and Danielle still playing on his mind.

"Mo, I'm back," Charlie bellowed as he shut the front door and hung his coat up, taking Danielle's phone out of his pocket. Hearing a pathetic grown from the front room, Charlie entered to find Mo slouched on the sofa. "Did you get the paracetamol?" Mo whined, holding a hand to her forehead. "Oh no, sorry I forget" Charlie replied to the disgust of Mo, who let out another exaggerated groan. "It feels like I have been hit over the head with a hammer" Mo moaned. "Well you shouldn't drink as much then" Charlie replied, rolling his eyes as he folded out his morning paper. "You now what fat Elvis gets like on a night out, one drink turns into, into well six" Mo said. This time Charlie didn't even bother looking up over the paper, he was all to used to hearing about Mo's drunken antics. "Though I did bump into Ronnie and Danielle. It was a bit odd. Danielle looked very upset and they seemed in a hurry. Ronnie defiantly didn't want to stop and chat" Charlie said, unsure whether he was talking to himself or a hung over Mo. "Frosty cow" Mo muttered before breaking into a fit of coughs and splutters. "I found her phone as well, they dropped it" Charlie said, holding out the phone in the palm of his hand.

"Give it here" Mo snapped, suddenly looking more interested in the conversation. "I always wanted to see who Ronnie Mitchell has in her phone book" Mo delighted in saying as she reached out. "No it's Danielle's phone" Charlie said, causing Mo to sigh before falling back into the cushions. "I'm really worried about her Mo, what should I do? She was like a daughter to me," Charlie muttered, thinking aloud whilst also hoping for a helpful suggestion from Mo. He didn't hold much hope for that though. "Well if it was one of the girls, what would you do?" Mo stated before dragging herself off the sofa and stumbling out of the room.

With Mo's words ringing in his ears Charlie looked down at the phone, after a few minutes of trying to work out how to use the buttons he opened Danielle's phonebook and stopped at the first name. Hesitating slightly Charlie's finger hung over the call button before he pushed it and brought the phone to his ear. "Hello, is this Andy speaking?" Charlie asked as he heard a voice answer at the end of the line.

**A/N - I just wanted to add aquick not that I forgot to do earlier about Charlie and Andy. I know I have added a spanner in the works after Ronnie and Danielle had seemed to take a step forward. But I felt it was time to bring Andy in. He has had little to no mention in my fic and after Danielle nearly dying several times in the last few years I felt his character needed to be addressed. Also Charlie, I wasn't sure about his part to play in this chapter but I felt that there would have been a chance he would call Andy, being a father himself and also being close to Danielle in the past. I have always felt that in EastEnders Charlie is a character that always ha his heart in the right place, even though sometimes he makes the wrong choice. That's what I was going for in this chapter. **


	29. Chapter 29

Danielle let the glossy pages run through her fingers as she flicked through the magazine. Each page failed to hold her interest. She had managed to skim read the whole of a gardening magazine in less than two minutes and now she was doing the same with a celebrity gossip magazine; photos of bikini clad celebrities flashing before her eyes. As she threw the magazine back on the side table Danielle shuffled in her chair, the cold plastic uncomfortable as she fidgeted. This was the first time she had been to Walford doctor's surgery but already she disliked it. The dull beige walls, trashy magazines and uncomfortable chairs only lead her to worry more about why she was here. The awkward silence engulfing the small surgery reception was a relief in a way - there were no unwanted glances or whispers from locals. But at the same time the silence was almost painful, the tapping of the receptionist fingers on her computer keyboard, the ticking of the clock perched on the plain wall and then the soft sound of Ronnie's breathing all went round in a circle, annoying Danielle and failing to distract her from the worry.

Ronnie had always hated doctor's surgeries; each one different but the same painful memories re-surfacing each time she found herself visiting one. This one was no different; its dull and cramp design trapping her. They had been waiting for five minutes, the receptionist assuring Ronnie that the doctor was just finishing with a patient and then he would have a free slot in which to see them. Although she was watching the seconds tick by Ronnie willed the clock to tick faster, for the hands to somehow eat away at the minutes of silence that remained. With each minute that went by Ronnie wondered whether she had done the right thing; Danielle's tense and silent appearance doing little to reassure Ronnie. Hundreds of questions, hundreds of words she wished would comfort her daughter sat perched on the edge of her lips as they sat alone in the reception.

They silence was finally broken by the sound of the surgery door creaking, muffled voices getting louder as Doctor Al and an unfamiliar face appeared. "If you just speak to Marian at the desk..." Al was saying in a hushed tone. His voice trailed off, caught mid-sentence by the sight of Ronnie and Danielle waiting apprehensively for him. Directing his patient towards the desk Al leaned over to his receptionist, whispering quietly to the woman who in turn responded to Al in a hushed tone, her eyes glancing between Ronnie and Danielle, her computer screen and then to the doctor. Ronnie and Danielle both shuffled in their seats, mirroring each other's awkward stance. "Would you like to come through?" Al said, gesturing for Ronnie and Danielle to enter his surgery.

As they entered Danielle noticed that the room was slightly more colourful than the previous one, posters and pictures adorning the walls. As she sat down on the seat by the desk Danielle looked closer and saw that these posters contained information and advice on a range of medical issues. In the face of so much confusing and sometimes frightening information Danielle drew her eyes away and instead stared in front of her as Al took his seat behind the desk. "I wasn't expecting to see you today" Al remarked as he shuffled papers on his desk. Ronnie knew he was only being polite but she wished her would avoid the pleasantries; it only delayed facing the painful truth further. Noticing that neither Danielle nor Ronnie responded, neither even changing their facial expressions Al continued. "What can I do for you today then?" Al said looking between Ronnie and Danielle. Ronnie wanted to blurt out what Danielle had said before, what she had found the courage to confess but she knew it was Danielle who had to face her problems, all that Ronnie could do was be there for her. Danielle's leg began to shake as the words seemed to stick in her throat so Ronnie leaned over behind the desk and gently placed her hand on Danielle's thigh, pressing her fingers into Danielle's skin.

Ronnie's touch almost caught Danielle by surprise, she had became so lost in the idea of opening up to the doctor that she had almost forget that Ronnie was sitting right next to her. "I...I, well I need to talk to you" Danielle began, it wasn't what she wanted to say but it was the only words she could muster. Ronnie's hand squeezed and then relaxed as she kept a firm grip to Danielle's leg. "Recently, well after the last few weeks I have been feeling sick" Danielle paused, knowing how vague and inaccurate she was being. She glanced to Ronnie, who was caught in a loving stare, her eyes fixed on Danielle. Catching Ronnie's gaze, Danielle felt like it was a comforting and supportive push in the right direction. Ronnie didn't have to say a word; she was there, by Danielle's side. "I have been making myself sick" Danielle corrected herself, dropping her gaze down to the wooden desk top in embarrassment and shame.

Al's nod and reassuring smile confirmed one of Ronnie's many fears. Danielle's problem with food had been building for a long time. Al had seen it when he had visited before but Ronnie, the person who was supposed to know her daughter the best, look after her, hadn't seen it. "Ok" Al said pushing aside the papers on his desk. "Danielle, can you tell me when this started. When did you first feel the urge to make yourself sick?" Al said slowly. "I can't really remember" Danielle stuttered. Danielle panicked as she was faced with the idea of exploring the issue further. With Ronnie she had only blurted out what she had been doing and she hadn't even planned to do that. But it was the truth, she couldn't vividly remember. Each time she had bent down before the toilet had become a cycle of continuous nightmares. Faced with confronting the whole truth just made all her thoughts, all her emotions and memories convoluted and muddled. "Ok, well can you remember why you made yourself sick?" Al asked, not wanting to push Danielle too far but still wanting to build on what Danielle had just revealed.

"I don't know, I just did it" Danielle lied. Understanding and admitting why she had done these things was harder than she ever imagined. Reading the signs that Danielle was closing down, Al decided to change direction. "Ok. Danielle can you tell me how many times have you made yourself sick?" Al asked gently. "A few" Danielle muttered in response. "And does this happen after you have eaten?" Al continued. "Most of the time yes" Danielle said. Ronnie was silent, taking in Al's questions and Danielle's answers. Danielle's snappy and brief answers still left many feelings and worries unturned but it was a step in the right direction. "Have you been eating regularly? Regular meals and snacks during the day?" Al asked. He had subtly tried to slide a pen and piece of paper in front of him but Ronnie had noticed, keen to read was he was noting down. Danielle shook her head. "Before you purge do you ever go through periods of binging?" Al asked, Danielle once again shook her head, but this time with slightly more assurance. With the conversation drying up, Danielle shutting down, Al placed his pen back on his desk.

"Danielle, I just need to check your teeth and throat" Al said firmly, standing from behind his desk and gesturing for Danielle to jump up onto the bed. Cautiously Danielle joined Al, Ronnie keeping a watchful and concerned eye on her daughter. As her leaned closer to Danielle's face her gaunt and blotchy appearance became even clearer. With a small light Al observed the scratches and red raw marks on Danielle's throats, the discolouring on her teeth. "If you want to go back and take a seat Danielle" Al said gently as he made his way back to his desk. He watched as Danielle unsteadily found her seat, her legs thin and fragile, and her arms hanging limply by her side. "Have you been experiencing stomach pains Danielle? Dizzy spells?" Al asked, once again picking up his pen and continuing with his notes. Danielle wanted to shake her head once again but after collapsing right before Ronnie's eyes before, after talking to Al the first time after she collapsed Danielle knew there was no escape from the truth on this occasion. "Sometimes yes" Danielle muttered. After making another note Al rested his pen against the wooden surface and looked up at both Ronnie and Danielle.

With the words obviously only seconds from his mouth Ronnie took Danielle's hand in her own. "Danielle after what you have told me and after examining you I believe you're suffering from what is called Anorexia nervosa." Al said gently. Neither Ronnie nor Danielle seemed utterly shocked by the diagnoses, each taking the words in but the pain and fear was still all too obvious.

**I'm sorry that I haven't updated in ages but I have had computer problems and only just got my laptop back after it broke. I wasn't sure about this chapter, partly because I was just going over the details of what has been happening to Danielle that you have already read in the previous chapters. But I felt it was necessary to have Danielle going over what has happened with Al to keep the story accurate and then lead on into the next chapters. Thanks for reading and please review if you can because I always love reading everyone's feedback. **


	30. Chapter 30

She had known all along what she had been doing to herself but to Danielle this had been about control, about the loss and pain; taking back her life that had been slipping away for years. But hearing Al's professional diagnosis made what she was doing seem so huge; anorexia seemed like such a loaded and frightening word. Whenever she bent down in front of the gleaming white toilet bowl she thought about all those who had left her, the fear and pain she wanted to purge from herself. Now this wasn't just about control, she had an eating disorder and a way to escape the pain and worry had just escalated into a new source of fear.

Ronnie's life had felt like a series of heartbreaking blows, each one causing her heart to ache just a little bit more than the last. But as that word echoed from Doctor Al's mouth Ronnie felt shattered, like her heart had finally broken. Not knowing what to say, where to look Ronnie glanced over to Danielle and the look of fear, the look on confusion and her ghostly white face made Ronnie realise she had a reason to keep fighting through the heartache. "What's the next step then?" Ronnie asked quietly, trying to stay strong in appearance. "Well I recommend that you see a specialist and start counselling" As Al spoke he saw Danielle's eyes widen with fear. "Just so you can speak to someone, they can help you work through this Danielle" Al tried to say reassuringly. "Can't I just speak to you?" Danielle asked in a desperate and almost childlike tone. She wasn't completely comfortable talking to Al but the idea of talking to another doctor, confessing her anxieties and emotions scared her even more. No one understand, not Ronnie, not Al so why would a stranger?

"I am here whenever you need to talk, even if you just want to get away from it all and have a cup of tea" Al joked. Danielle remained still, her face emotionless apart from the shots of fear running through her wide teary eyes. "But if you want to get better, if you want me to help you then I would advise you to see a counsellor and a specialist. They are not going to have a go or lecture you they just want to help, just like me" Al said warmly, brushing aside strands of his raven black hair as it fell before his face. "What do you think sweetie?" Ronnie asked gently, leaning across her chair towards Danielle. Danielle stared blankly back at Ronnie, her glazed expression and motionless body slumped in the chair.

Sensing the awkward moment Al reached into his desk draw and pulled out two leaflets. "Why don't you have a read of these Danielle. They might help explain things more. I can refer you to a counsellor and a specialist, all you need to do is read through these and then come and see me tomorrow. We can have another chat about where we want to go next, what's best for you. Ok?" Al said. Danielle nodded, reluctantly taking the leaflets off his desk and running the paper between her fingers.

"How is twelve tomorrow?" Al asked hopefully. But Danielle didn't answer; she was purposefully distracted by the leaflets she was running through her fingers. "Twelve is good thanks," Ronnie said, smiling at Al thankfully and then rising from her seat. "Let's go sweetie," She said firmly. Lost in her own thoughts, her eyes skimming over the hundreds of words on the paper but taking nothing in Danielle silently stood and reached for the door, followed by Ronnie.

"Wait" Al called, jumping up from behind his desk. "What's happened?" He asked, looking down at Ronnie's leg. Danielle snapped out of her thoughts, looking down to where Al's stare was fixed. Ronnie tried to turn her leg away but it was too late. She had spent the whole morning carefully keeping it hidden from Danielle, Roxy and anyone in view. "Mum?" Danielle asked, horrified by the bloodstain on Ronnie's trouser fabric. "It's nothing," Ronnie muttered, keeping her wounded hand firmly in her pocket. "Can I have a look?" Al asked, holding out a hand towards Ronnie. With Danielle standing in the door and Al on the other side Ronnie knew she had no escape from facing her own problem.

Ronnie winched as she slide her hand out of her pocket, strands of fabric rubbing against the cut. As she held her hand out to Al she tried to turn her palm away from Danielle's view, not wanting to cause her anymore worry or upset. But the tears' brimming in the corners of Danielle's eyes told her it was too late. "It's ok sweetie, its just a little cut. That's all" Ronnie tried to reassure Danielle. She held out her free hand to Danielle but she was too far away, standing still and silent in the doorway. "How did this happen?" Al asked. "I just leant on some broken glass," Ronnie answered vaguely. Although she was keen for Danielle to open up to the doctor she didn't want anyone else to know what had happened before at home, embarrassed and ashamed of how she had lost control. Danielle shifted awkwardly on the spot; her mind also travelling back to the broken glass and smashed photos strewn across the living room floor. "There is no glass in the cut but I will need to clean the wound and then bandage it. If you feel any more pain over the next few days you will need to come back and see me" Al said as washed and bandaged Ronnie's hand.

As Al gently wrapped the bandage round her hand Ronnie looked up, momentarily caught in the gaze of his brown eyes. She could feel his fingers softly working away on her hands, tending to her. Ronnie took a deep breath, taken aback by this sudden rush of emotion. Al finished wrapping the bandage by his hand stayed rested on Ronnie's palm for a second. Both seemed caught off-guard, a moment of care and attention had developed into something unexpected. "Well" Al said, coughing awkwardly and shuffling backwards away from Ronnie. "Well that seems fine now Ronnie, just keep an eye on it and come back in a few days so I can see how the cut is healing" Al said firmly, trying to sound professional. "Thanks...doctor" Ronnie started to say, hesitating at how to address him. Ronnie felt embarrassed, like she was in a school playground again. That one mesmerising glance, the sudden rush of unexpected and confusing feelings. But as Al pulled away from her and Ronnie composed herself she realised that this wasn't school, this wasn't simple. She immediately pushed what had just happened to the back of her mind, convincing herself it was a moment of lust, a moment of attention that she hadn't received from any man for a very long time. She turned to look at the one person that did, the only person that could matter to her. To Ronnie's relief Danielle had caught nothing from their awkward exchange, instead she had once again started flicking through the leaflets. "Let's go sweetie," Ronnie said, heading out of the room followed by Danielle. She didn't dare glance back at him.

As they passed through the iron gates Danielle drifted in front of Ronnie, though always within reach of her mother. Ronnie was replaying what Al had said over and over again in her head. Anorexia. Whilst she still felt that same rush of love for Danielle that she always had Ronnie was overcome with worry and anguish. What was going to happen? Was Danielle going to get better? Ronnie had been faced with the idea of losing Danielle again so many times before but each time the pain never got any easier. "Mum" Danielle called, turning to face Ronnie who was swaying from side to side as she walked. "I think Aunty Roxy wants to speak to you" Danielle muttered, pointing up in the window. Ronnie looked up to see a stern faced Roxy with her hands on her hips, pointing down at them and muttering something to herself. Ronnie shrugged her shoulders; she knew exactly why Roxy was mad but she feigned ignorance in the hope that Roxy would lose interest. The curtains fluttered and Roxy's figure vanished from view. Ronnie wished she had just been distracted by something or someone else but she knew her sister to well.

Ronnie caught up with Danielle and took her arm, leading a confused Danielle towards the market. "Ronnie Mitchell" A familiar voice bellowed as both Ronnie and Danielle turned to see a flustered Roxy marching towards them. Danielle buried the leaflets into her trouser pockets and Ronnie slid her bandaged hand deep into her own pocket, turning her leg away from Roxy so the stain wasn't visible. "Why haven't you been answering your phone?" Roxy asked. "Both of you!" She shouted, looking between Ronnie and Danielle, who was now hiding behind her mother's frame. "Sorry we have been busy" Ronnie muttered. "I wanted to apologise but if you're just going to ignore me..." Roxy said. "Some apology this is Rox" Ronnie joked, now slightly amused as well as annoyed.

"Well you know I'm never good with that kind of thing" Roxy joked back, playfully pushing Ronnie. Danielle wobbled backwards, losing balance as clung tightly to Ronnie's arm. "How about you two come over to mine for dinner tonight, my treat? I will do my speciality" Roxy beamed. Ronnie's brow furrowed in amused confusion but Danielle just looked vaguely past the pair, staring at the tabby cat playing on the flowerbed by Arthur's bench. "And what's that?" Ronnie asked. "Chinese takeaway, I know the menu off by heart by now. And if I smile nicely to the man at the counter I can get an extra portion of prawn crackers for free" Roxy joked, giggling to herself. "Thanks Rox but I think me and Dan are going to have a night in, just the two of us" Ronnie said. She wished they could accept Roxy's invitation, that they could be a normal and happy family again but they weren't. She needed to try and talk to Danielle and the idea of her facing boxes of greasy takeaway was only going to make the situation worse. "Your loss then, more for me" Roxy said, striding of in the distance. She glanced back at Ronnie and Danielle, a warm smile spread across her face that told Ronnie that she didn't hold a grudge anymore. Relieved Ronnie guided Danielle round and then back towards the flat, arm in arm.

They had been perfectly silent, both happy to wait for the inevitable awkward discussion when they arrived home until Danielle spoke. "She will never understand. No one will," She said despondently. "Don't worry about that. All that matters for now is that you get better. One step at a time" Ronnie said comforting, squeezing Danielle's arm in reassurance as she spoke.

**A/N – Just a quick note about the Ronnie and Al 'moment'. I really wasn't sure about it because I didn't want to distract away from Ronnie and Danielle or to make it seem like Ronnie was thinking about men rather than Danielle. I just felt like I wanted to include it because Ronnie would be feeling very upset and confused in that moment and I realised Ronnie hasn't really even spoke to a guy since Jack and that must have been at least a year ago! Please let me know what you think, was it ok or out of place? Please review if you can because I love reading everyone's feedback and thoughts. Thanks. **


	31. Chapter 31

**Ok firstly sorry for the lack of updates over the last few weeks. I have been on holiday and busy so I have only just got back to writing. And also sorry that this chapter is so short but it is really a build up to what is going to happen next and I wanted to leave it with the cliff hanger ending! Please review if you can. Thanks. **

Ronnie unintentionally paused as she reached the doorway to the kitchen. Danielle had already slouched through; she had begun fidgeting, her hands running over a cushion as she waited on the sofa. Ronnie hesitated for a moment, stopping at what seemed like an invisible brick wall. She had spent the walk home repeating Al's words in her head; what they meant, what would happen next. Anorexia. How could she have let this happen? Was she that bad of a mother not to see the signs? It all seemed so painfully clear now. Ronnie cleared her throat and thought about what else Al had said. Danielle can get better, she must. But she knew that Danielle needed to get help, let people help but that was going be far from easy. She may have taken a massive step this morning but Ronnie worried how much strength her little girl had left. Physically and mentally Danielle seemed drained. Her body gaunt and fragile; the strain of even walking had been all too clear to Ronnie when they had made their way home earlier. Over the last month Ronnie had sat back and watched Danielle's life drain away, her bubbly personality chipped away at by what had happened in Weymouth, what was happening now. It wasn't surprising after everything that had happened but Ronnie still felt helpless and guilty.

Deep in thought Ronnie drifted through the doorway, heading to the cupboards where she pulled out two mugs and placed them on the kitchen worktop. She didn't particularly want a cup of tea yet it seemed normal, easy. Aunty Peg had always said a cup of tea makes everything better but as she listened to Al's voice screaming in her head Ronnie doubted her Aunt's wisdom. "Sweetie, do you want..." Ronnie's voice trailed off as she turned round to see Danielle asleep on the sofa, her limbs tightly curled up to her chest with her pale arms wrapped round a cushion. It may be only the early afternoon but the morning had already taken its toll on Danielle. Ronnie had wanted to speak to her away from the doctor's office, just the two of them but as she peered over and watched Danielle sleep she realised a short rest would do her good. They could always talk when she woke up.

As Ronnie stepped closer she could hear her daughter's raspy breath; her body occasionally shaking as she tried to get comfortable. Even though the pain was clear just by Danielle's appearance Ronnie couldn't help but stare at the scene lovingly, Danielle was so peaceful and beautiful as she slept. Cautiously Ronnie stepped round the coffee table and Danielle, sitting down gently on the sofa next to Danielle's leg. "I am so proud of you" Ronnie whispered as she leant over and tenderly kissed Danielle's forehead, wiping back a strand of her fringe from her sweaty forehead. "We are going to get through this, I promise sweetie. You and me. I am not going to lose you again" Ronnie said softy as a tear rolled down her cheek. It was easy to say it to Danielle when she was asleep but Ronnie promised herself and Danielle that she would tell her every day, every moment if she could.

Ronnie pulled a blanket out from under the sofa and opened it up, the woollen fabric spreading over her legs and onto the floor. Ronnie stretched down and straightened it out, pulling the blanket along so it covered both her and Danielle. Ronnie took one last glance at Danielle to check she was ok and then slowly let her head drop back onto the sofa, her eyes drooping shut as she too fell asleep next to Danielle.

The long day was slowly drawing to a close, the sun fading away as the evening approached. Ronnie and Danielle still lay on the sofa; Danielle curled up in a protective ball whilst Ronnie was sprawled out on the other side, her hand resting instinctively on Danielle's knee. As Ronnie fidgeted, sliding back into the soft cotton she was woken but a sudden knock on the door; the sound of a heavy fist slamming against the wood. With her sleepy eyes half open Ronnie managed to haul herself off the sofa, not wanting to disturb Danielle. But it was too late. "Mum" Danielle croaked. "It's ok sweetie, it's just someone at the door. You go back to sleep" Ronnie said softly. Danielle was happy to oblige as Ronnie headed for the door but as she left the room Danielle listened out, concerned about who was visiting. She knew it could be anyone, probably someone trying to sell them something but she was agitated, unable to go back to sleep until she knew everything was ok. Until she knew there was nothing to worry about.

Danielle listened as she heard Ronnie's footsteps fade away, she could faintly hear the door opening but then nothing. No talking, just a deathly silence. Still curled up on the sofa Danielle listened attentively but all she could hear was the murmur of Walford life from outside the living room window. Danielle shut her eyes, letting her mind be swamped by darkness until Ronnie got back. Switching off Danielle failed to notice the sound of two sets of footsteps making their way back up the stairs. "Danielle" Ronnie whispered from the kitchen. She wanted to say sweetie, but it didn't feel right. She was already feeling tense and nervous, the situation becoming more unpredictable and complicated by the second. Danielle opened her eyes, although her back was turned to Ronnie she immediately felt her heart rate slow, comforted by the return of her mother's warm voice. Danielle began to turn over, struggling as she lifted her limbs from their tight position. "Hello Dani" a voice called, but it wasn't Ronnie this time. The voice was deeper, huskier but still filled with the same fear as Ronnie's. She recognised the accent, the tone. "Dad" Danielle whispered as she looked up to see her father standing next to Ronnie in the kitchen.


End file.
